Anonymous Posts(2.1.10-2.7.10)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)

At the moment I am sitting in my concrete class, which is a real class that I am taking in real life. I am the only one with a computer open and there is really no legitimate reason why I would need my laptop, but I feel as if the professor and I have a mutual understanding where we both agree that this lecture is about concrete and I am any human with an attention span.

Anyhow! You all met my challenge to send something in this week, which is so awesome. These are some really interesting posts, too. The Community's girls are certainly stepping up :)

#1

I've been out to everyone in the universe as a lesbian since I was 15, but yesterday I came out to one of my friends for the first time... as possibly trans. I was so terrified and miserable leading up to it, but she was amazing, and I woke up this morning feeling happier than I have in years. I feel like I want to tell everyone!

I can't, of course, for a lot of reasons. First off, I'm not even sure what I'd be coming out AS. I still have trouble figuring out where I've going. All I know is that things as they stand aren't right. I've been binding while I do my homework in my room, and last week I even ate dinner with friends boob-free. With my friend to support me now, I think I can cut my hair soon. Every step I take is so exhilarating!

I just wish there wasn't this undercurrent of terror. Most of my friends already thought I was weird as a lesbian. And I wish I didn't feel like I was making everything up as I went along. I can't be the only one! Right? Where is everybody?

[Ed. Note: Wow, this is pretty much the coolest thing. Thanks for sharing! The trans community is severely underrepresented, and we don't here from them nearly enough. I think we all are undereducated on trans issues (if you haven't watched this yet, do so now). You cannot be the only one, you're right, and hopefully Everybody shows up in the comments section below. Keep us posted on everything!]

#2

I've identified as a bisexual girl/woman for years--out to my parents, out to my friends, happy to argue with strangers about LGBT issues, everything. But I've only been in relationships with men. I'm about to enter into another one (I think?), and I can't help feeling like I'm somehow betraying the community. I don't know what to do about this guilt.

[Ed. Note: Thanks for the entry, Anonymous. I think that people who identify as bisexual or feel that they don't fit into the much-accepted binary model of sexuality aren't heard from enough, either. I don't think that you should feel guilty at all, and you should simply do whatever feels right (look at Captain Obvious Advice over here). Whuddya have to say about this, Readers?

"Boys Don't Kiss Boys"

Over Thanksgiving break I relished in being able to see my friends from high school as often as possible. After having successfully wolfed down two turkey drumsticks, sweet potatoes, squash pie and of course, hummus (what a meal would be like without the Middle Eastern staple at my house, I shudder to think) I went over to my friend Brit’s house in order to partake in some late night debauchery, where I am always assured to be welcomed by her mother and six-year-old brother, Blake.

Brit and I were just having a conversation, when Blake happened to walk into her room. At that point I decided to play with him while I continued having my conversation with Brit, although understandably, we had to temper our topics of discussion. I took part in games such as “Big Meal Café” where he takes my orders and shuttles between rooms to serve me my requested meals (future husband, are you listening?), looked up different cars on the internet and talked about different breeds of dog he wanted his mother to buy him. He loved playing with me so much, he wouldn’t let Brit and I have any true conversations of our own. As I spent time with him, however, I couldn’t help but admire Blake’s precocious nature: his inquiring mind constantly questioned the nature of things around him, and all too often, his grasp for complex issues never ceased to impress me.

When we finished playing I gave him a pat on the back, but he quickly winced with uneasiness. I had seen his sister and mother do the same thing though, how was what I had done any different? It couldn’t be because he felt uncomfortable with me. Not only have I been in Brit’s home more times than I can count, but we just had the greatest time playing “Big Meal Café”, perhaps the greatest restaurant-simulation game ever invented (© Blake Lippman). At that point, he looked at me and said “Do you know why Adam Lambert got in trouble on the TV? It’s because boys don’t kiss boys! I don’t let boys touch me”

Well, I can confidently say that what I had done was not predatory in nature, and at six years old, he doesn’t know that I am gay. Blake followed his quip with, “You know, if a boy in my class said he was in love with me and he wanted to kiss me, I would say to him, NO!”

To evince the matter, I wasn’t expecting a resurgence of kindergarten gays and allies to pop up and give a clear explanation as to how being gay, for lack of a better term, “works”. However, it made me realize that no matter how precocious Blake may seem, he still lacked the knowledge to understand how some social norms are revealed to be more complex than originally taught.

Can we really explain away Blake’s comment as child homophobia? Of course not. But his quick response begs the question, how do we, as liberals, progressives, allies, gays, however we like to describe ourselves, expect children to understand the intricacy of homosexual relationships? In a country that is increasingly tolerant of gay people on their neighborhood streets and on their television sets at home, is it fair to try and make children understand such a complex issue at such an early age? When does childhood naïveté end and homophobia begin? The slippery slope of trying to change a child’s current understanding of the world, as it seems to make sense to them, poses questions of whether trying to teach the term “gay” is important in ensuring that the term is not only ubiquitous, but also, socially understood. When we hear conservative pundits pose the notion that we must “protect our children from the increased toleration of the homosexual agenda from our children” is there really something here to consider? This question creates a bigger issue for those of us who plan to have children of our own.

I don’t suppose Blake will be “homophobic” for too long, especially in the household he grows up in, and especially if I have anything to do with it. It is interesting though, to see how a more understanding society will cope with the increased visibility of gay people in all facets of life and how this acceptance will be reflected in children. As for now, all I know is that those lessons will not be taught at this year’s Super Bowl. For that, you will still have to wait.

LGBT Issues in Sport: An Introduction

Welcome to my column! For lack of a better, more creative title I’m simply going to be calling this feature “LGBT Issues in Sport.” I don’t proclaim to be an expert in these issues, but I like to think I’m a little more knowledgeable and aware of them than “Joe the Plumber.”

So if I’m not an expert on this stuff, then who am I and why am I writing about it? To answer these questions I’m going to dedicate this first post to an introduction. I’ll be writing every other Wednesday. Some may be more news-like, other posts may provide resources, and still others may be something completely different. I glean a lot of blogs and sites, but I will certainly miss some things. So if there is something you’d like me to address, please email me at rfi@duke.edu. Just indicate in the subject line that it’s related to this blog and I’ll do my best to include it here.

But first, let me introduce myself. I’m Risa and I love sports. Obviously, that’s not the only thing that defines me, but it really is a large part of who I am (just ask my friends). Over the years my passion for sports grew from being a participant to being a fan and an athlete to being a fan, an athlete and an academic. Let me explain.

The short version of it is that I can’t remember a time in my life when I wasn’t playing sports. I’ve played on local YMCA teams, with my older brother and dad in the street, for a rec league, for my high school and now for Duke. I’ve been involved with a lot of different sports in varying capacities: soccer, track and field, cross country, basketball, ultimate frisbee, dance, gymnastics, and rowing (not to mention countless hours of catch and/or pickle). In first and second grade I remember playing basketball and soccer with the boys at recess. Throughout all of elementary school I lived for every third day when we got to have PE and always looked forward to field day. In middle school and high school I was that annoying girl who was super competitive in PE. Somewhere along the line I also started following some professional leagues. As time continued, my preferred pro league and team became the WNBA and my hometown Phoenix Mercury, respectively. As I became a more and more devoted fan I started becoming interested in the behind the scene components—like marketing and salary caps, etc. Around eighth grade I started thinking that I might like to go into sports business (lots of other eighth graders were deciding their future careers, too, right?). In the middle of high school I felt conflicted between wanting to pursue one of my other passions—social change—but also loving sports. At the time, I didn’t see how the two could work together (you know, how do you reconcile “changing the world” and the nonprofit sector with the multi-billion dollar sports entertainment industry?). Then I realized what a powerful platform sports were and began developing a personal philosophy that sport has the power to change the world. I figured I could use sport to create positive change by becoming a big powerful executive and then partnering with organizations and colleagues to develop varying initiatives. I started reading up on organizations that did this sort of work and ways in which sport has been a medium to push society forward. During this effort I stumbled across a network of academic blogs, journals and resources which I continue to follow and read in my free time. After spending a lot of time thinking about the issues the blogs raised and the work this academic community was doing, I realized how excited it all made me. Before all of this I never knew that “sport sociology” existed—but now it’s all I want to study.

In reading lots of these blogs and journals, I’ve found that I’m most interested in issues of diversity within sport (race, gender, religion, culture, etc). I am also really intrigued by the relationship between sport and culture—how sport is a reflection of society and/or how society is a reflection of sport. In this blog, I’ll be focusing on LGBT issues (if you want to talk about other things, though, hit me up!) like homophobia and gender expression and identity and athletes’ coming out stories, etc.

As it relates to Duke, I’m a regular at volleyball and women’s basketball games. I also get to a handful of men’s and women’s soccer games each season and the home track and field meets. I’ve, of course, been to football and men’s basketball games (including last year’s Carolina game) in addition to a few field hockey games and even a fencing match.

More than just a hobby, I spent a summer working for the Phoenix Mercury’s PR office, a sports marketing firm and last school year as a manager for the women’s basketball team. I’m currently a member of the crew team.

Lastly, the disclaimer: the views expressed in this blog are only mine (unless otherwise noted). They do not reflect Blue Devil’s United or Duke University or any other entity with which I am or have been affiliated.

gAy D (H) D

This is more of a random assortment of ideas that were too small to be a full blog post yet something that I really wanted to share.

Well first tangent is a moment of disbelief, a moment of awesome, is because of Henrietta Lacks’ contribution to science. Ms Henrietta lacks should probably have here name sewn in on the AIDS quilt. Her flesh literally is responsible for advancements in AIDS research. This prodigal woman died in 1951 of cervical cancer. Before she died, this black woman from the south had a biopsy of her cervical cancer tumor taken without her consent. Her cells are still alive, well actually they are by all scientific and medical standpoints, immortal. Now referred to as the HeLa cell line, they were the birth of the modern biotechnology industry with over 60,000 scientific papers published due to research on her cells. Companies have been producing , growing, and selling Ms. Lacks' flesh in high volume to laboratories for such research. The life cycle of HIV was studied in death with HeLa cell lines. Well that's enough on Henrietta - click here and here for more info.

I have to say I there have been a lot of LGBT coverage in the media lately. From Clair Bennett’s "it's complicated" lesbian-ish relationship with her roommate Gretchen on Heroes; the premier of RuPaul's Drag Race season 2; the Super Bowl ad for Mancrunch that was pulled (read more here and here), to President Obama’s State of the Union declaration to end Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (read more here). On a side note, the last novel I read was the latest installment to the Stardoc series by S. L. Viehl (read her blog).

Third tangent: the series could be described as Grey's Anatomy/ER in space crossed with super cheesy romance movie like The Notebook and some mixture of Star Trek and Star Wars. What's interesting is that unlike other sci-fi works where the romance is obviously heterosexual or implied as such, Stardoc has homosexual relationships and gender bending and alternative families. *Begin spoiler* The main character is the feminized clone of a mad geneticist who almost rapes her to impregnation *end spoiler*. There is also a species of humanoid that link biochemistry with their mates to marry for life, opposite marriage of course. Yet one of the male folk of said-species falls in love with another man, a human bird hybrid; so excommunication ensues. A whole host of other things happen like interplanetary slavery and inter-dimensional stepmothers that try to rewrite your memories for the fate of the universe. (I know that makes it sound like a B-movie SF flick but it is one of my favorite series a if this was a sci-fi blog I would have a full critique in praise of it.)

That's all for my tangents. (Now would be a great time to lay off the caffeinated products.)

---

Don't Ask Don't Tell Focus of Senate Hearing:

Live Coverage here.

Anonymous Posts(1.25.10-1.31.10)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)

For the second time since we launched on November 9, we've gone a week without receiving any anonymous entries. That is not a bad average, and pretty impressive when you think about it.

But okay, Readers. Just these two times. Let's get something sent in by next Monday, alright? Alright.

In lieu of the posts, here are links to our columns and features from last week that may not have gotten the LOVING (comments) that they deserved. Let's fix that!

Anonymous Posts (1.18.10-1.24.10)

Aliza: Can we all be friends?

Summer's Interview of Gordon: "I do identify as a gay man but I don't let it define me"

Tyler: Homosexuality vs. Religion

What We've Got

Let me preface this post by admitting that I am still fairly bitter about the fact that Duke, in all it's wisdom, decided to NOT cancel classes today. That's not to say that I can't deal with a little snow, but the problem is that DUKE can't! 11am this morning and still nothing paved and hardly any roads plowed, all of us left to fend for ourselves to get where we need to go. It's times like these when I wonder at the reasoning of the Powers That Be. What exactly is going on up in those lofty heads of theirs?

On that same token though, I suppose I count myself fairly lucky. For while I can't always decipher the logic behind some of Duke's policies and decisions, for the most part I can feel fairly certain that they have the best of intentions (if not a little misguided). I feel as if there is at least some blurred sense of fairness and justice that guides many of these resolutions. This is no more apparent to me than in the manner in which Duke administration has approached LGBT issues. Has it been perfect? Not nearly. Has it always been informed and just? Probably not. And yet, in terms of policy, I would bet that the Duke of today would shock and surprise that Duke built off the grease of nicotined donations.

Unlike some schools with conservative and religious backgrounds, Duke has surpassed these modes of thought to open its policy (if not its atmosphere) to more liberal endeavors. We are recognized here as a community, as a protected minority. Duke's policy is striking in it's commitment to at least maintaining the semblance of acceptance. The same cannot be said for all our American Institutions. The struggles of the students at Notre Dame University to gain even this modicum of recognition reminds me of what Duke could be. As an institution founded upon religious understandings, Duke certainly had the potential to remain mired in conservative religious thought.

Just last week students marched to the President's office to demand that Notre Dame allow a gay/straight allowance on campus AND add sexual orientation to the nondiscrimination policy. It is so relieving to know that if I were to go to Notre Dame (which isn't completely improbable, as I come from a deeply Catholic family and attended nine years of private Catholic school), I wouldn't be granted the basic rights that even our national government is starting to recognize. Not to mention, Notre Dame is amongst the top 20 of our American universities and yet LGBT students and their allies are still not allowed the freedom to gather as a recognized student group.

Regardless of religious doctrine, Notre Dame is first and foremost an educational institution. And when religious doctrines start to impede the safety and the learning of its students, a university is obligated to address this discrepancy. So while at times I am disappointed with the manner in which Duke chooses to respond to our needs, I find that I must continue to remind myself how far we have come. Lack of Snow Day and all.

Interracial Lesbian Relationships: A Swell Endeavor

Hey yall! I'm Veronica Ray, the newest addition to the roster of bloggers at Our Lives. I play rugby, do HIV counseling and aspire to be a power lesbian when I grow up. My future posts will probably deal with race, economics, business, international news, fashion and art.

“Wouldn’t it be cool to have interracial friendship cards? Like a little white girl kissing a little black girl on the cheek and inside it says something like “Thanks for being such a great friend!” ?

Race is a popular topic at Duke. I feel like any post about race can quickly fall into the trap of rehashing the same ideas and grievances without really getting anywhere. With that disclaimer I hope I can begin an article that offers a personal perspective on my experience with race in the gay community.

My preference for black women has become a running joke with my friends both in and outside of the center. If I innocently tell a friend that I met a cool girl named Chantel, chances are she’ll reply “Oh….you WOULD be friends with a girl named Chantel.” If I tell you I’ve met a girl “of the hue that I seek” it means I’ve met a special African-American and I won’t be surprised if you joke that I’m mess for getting so worked-up. Though I am currently flamboyant about my love of black women, I didn’t acknowledge my preference till after I graduated from high school. I never wanted my interest in black women to be simply “jungle fever”- objectifying women as exotic objects who I thought fulfilled certain sexual stereotypes.

The first time I told someone that I was interested in black girls she replied “Hmm…I can’t exactly agree…black girls are so ghetto.” I found this comment strange because I have always been interested in educated, accomplished women regardless of their ethnicity. Where I grew up many people, including me, were mired in ignorance of the black community. Some friends in high school would throw around the N word in an attempt taunt my best friend, who is part black. After she went off on me for asking what part black she was when we were 14 I considered race an off limits topic. I secretly looked down on her for not fighting back against racist comments. I felt like I could tell her anything about my sexuality and I hoped she wasn’t keeping any of her thoughts from me. I realized after telling my best friend about my preferences that race was never an off limits topic for us. When I described race relations at Duke to her, she revealed that she identified with white culture. It was then I realized that our whole life I had put her in a box she never felt comfortable in.

Though I had “come-out” to myself about my preferences, I was still intimidated by the prospect of approaching an actual black woman. Before I left for college a friend scared the shit out of me by saying that she didn’t think black lesbians dated white lesbians. It seems ridiculous now, but I spent a lot of time finding examples of interracial lesbian relationships to prove my friend wrong. I thought no black girl I met would want to date me. I now know that some people are equally worried that I wouldn’t be interested in them because of their race! The many revelations I’ve experienced are a testament to how naïve I was when I entered Duke. Even after growing up among Mexican Catholics and with a family full of different ethnicities black America was still a dark continent. After being at Duke for a few months my interest in black woman remained theoretical. It wasn’t until I started telling the queer black women I met that I was interested in black women that I started getting the attention I was looking for. It was not as difficult as my friends back home led me to believe! I don’t think indicating my preferences was necessary, but it took away the lack of confidence and tension I felt due to the myths I heard growing up.

I am still sometimes amazed at my own ignorance. I read the book Hair Story at my girlfriend’s recommendation and afterwards we watched the hilarious Chris Rock documentary Good Hair. When it comes to black hair, instead of a dark continent I now see a dimly lit path. I don’t need to be a black hair expert to know that doing my girlfriend’s hair is bonding time that I look forward to each week. It’s not like my girlfriend and I talk about race all the time (though we might talk more than usual due to my academic interest in ethnic conflict, international relations, and urban studies); she just can’t help noticing things that I don’t. We joke about how a PDA-loving interracial lesbian couple is a unique sight on Duke’s campus and a rare one in the media. In addition to making interracial friendship cards, I’ll expand my business to interracial relationship cards. A simple drawing of a short white girl kissing a tall black girl is all I need. So I can say “Look! That’s us!” and mean it. As I like to say: when it comes to people, ghosts, chocolate, clothing and tea, black makes everything better. The only thing that black doesn’t improve is tenting.

Homosexuality vs. Religion

Hello. For my first blog post I had no idea what to write. I was sitting in my room tapping the keyboard uselessly, and then a book on my shelf with a little rainbow sticker caught my eye, and this post was born.

Being gay comes with no small amount of controversy. Most societies today choose to frown upon same-sex couples, never really understanding the situation from our point of view. It’s tough, it really is, dealing with the social jibes, unjust laws, and personal prejudices, but for those of us who belong to a faith that condemns homosexuality, it could be even worse. It’s one thing for others to dislike who you’re attracted to, it’s quite another when you dislike yourself for it.

I remember when I was in middle school and I started to realize that I was attracted to other guys. I was terrified. Raised Lutheran, with both parents converting to Southern Baptists after the divorce, I had heard passages from the Bible that condemned homosexuals as innately evil, hell-bound devil worshippers (I’m paraphrasing from an old pastor). It’s a difficult concept for a 13 year old to deal with, the idea that God created you as you are/everything you are is as God made you, and at the same time facing the gate of Hell for something you have no control over: who you love.

I’m sure this has been an issue for many gay men and women. The thing that helped me, though was a book called The God Box, by Alex Sanchez. I had never before felt so connected to a main character. Alex Sanchez is a gay fiction writer whose novels are all gay teenage coming-of-age stories, and in this was one about a young, deeply religious boy named Paul who was trying to cure his own homosexuality. The story starts when Paul befriends a young Christian transfer student named Manuel who is openly and proudly gay. All of Paul’s preconceived notions about homosexuality, and the more famously used Bible verses to refute same-sex relationships, are put in a different perspective, until he is finally able to accept himself for who he is. This book made me realize that you don’t have to either be gay or be Christian. Religion and sexuality are only in conflict if people are taught that they are in conflict. All of my fears and sense of self-loathing vanished in a single sentence:

“The Bible was meant to be a bridge, not a wedge. It must be read with love as the standard. Anyone who expects a person to change something as personal as who they hold in their arms at night need to change their own judgmental attitude.”

If anyone reading this has ever struggled or is struggling with sexuality and religion, I hope it helped at least a little bit. Thanks for reading.

"I do identify as a gay man, but I don't let it define me."

Well here we are, January 28, 2010 and back to the regularly scheduled programming for my Thursday blog entries. The next two weeks will focus on the illustrious (although freshman) Gordon Wilson. Our conversation was enlightening for me, partially due to his positive outlook on attending a southern university and being out and gay, and partially due to his very apparent adoration of public speaking and politics. This smiling peer of ours is social through lots of campus involvement and seems to know who everyone is, and quite frankly intimidating to me since I can be kind of a recluse. But you don’t want to know about that. You want to know about Gordon!

One of the biggest differences that Gordon noticed between his high school and Duke is the number of out lesbian couples. Although he mentions “there was never a gay couple at [his] high school,” the girls were more audacious. I was surprised at this admission and how this topic keeps cropping up over and over. Even within the past few days, my women friends and I have discussed the hidden pockets of queer/lesbian/bisexual women, and how we’re dying to know who you are. It’s definitely been a hot topic in the Center. (Shameless plug: There is a Women Loving Women meeting in the Center tonight!) Sorry, back to Gordon, but he was the one that brought up out women in the first place.

Due to his involvement with politics (in high school and here at Duke), which will be discussed further in depth next week, Gordon often faces the question of his identity with some caution. He identifies as a gay man, but as someone who plays the role of a public figure as well, the general population tends to let that be the only marker on the radar. In high school, slander was used against his sexual orientation to make him lose a position. Getting outed in high school made him deal early on with a lot of issues, but has also helped him come to terms with a lot of his internal struggle before coming to Duke (some processes that occur much later for other Duke students, myself included). He adds, “but I still get this tension and get this apprehension, but I think it’s the politician inside me that wants to appeal to a broad range of people, and wondering if [my orientation] would stop someone’s affiliation with me. My desire to be accepted and to appeal to a large group of people was perhaps derived from being gay, but initially, it was perhaps out of, ‘if they vote for me, that means they like me, and they accept me, and I’m okay’ you know?”

I’m sure many of us do know what that anxiety of acceptance feels like. The Duke students striving for perfection within an intense academic environment of course adds to this. I want to encourage you all to share your own stories of how you identify acceptance and what that looks like in your world.

But perhaps more importantly, I wanted to share Gordon’s very positive outlook on being out at a school like Duke. Maybe it is his inner politician speaking, but this is what he has to say:

Here they [Duke students] are more willing to get involved, because our community has more space to grow. We have room to change. In some other schools like NYU, everyone is out and having a gay old time because they don’t feel the need to get involved and grow. There is so much of the world that needs change, we have an interesting opportunity to take this to other parts of the world.

Clearly, Gordon wants to be part of the change he talks about. Like many students, his favorite LGBT event on campus is Coming Out Day on the Plaza. It gave him a chance to be more out and promote visibility on campus. He’s very modest about his active involvement in his organizations, but this does ultimately lead him to getting to know a lot of people. Fortunately for us, Gordon feels the responsibility of being an out role model for other students who are still coming out of the closet. So one of this major goals this semester is to try and push his own limits for speaking up more and being a better ally for the entire community, as well as an out gay male. There is a moment that haunts him from high school, when he didn’t speak up for a female classmate who was being hassled and called a dyke. Gordon too has been in moments where no one would stick up for him when he didn’t feel like he had a voice. “Helping someone else feel comfortable,” Gordon confessed, “makes me feel more gratified than getting an A or getting someone’s vote.”

But reaching that level of comfort isn’t easy. While doing this interview, Gordon and I were sitting in the Dillo—the first superpublic place that I’ve conducted one of my interviews. I debated moving to a quieter location out of earshot of other students, and at this point in our discussion, Gordon brought up his slight discomfort regarding others around us overhearing the interview. I like my interviewees to feel at ease and in a safe space with me, but it also sparked Gordon to say that he wish he felt more self assured and identified it as an area of growth for himself.

Please come back next week to read more about Gordon’s experience at PWild and his other interests outside the realm of the LGBTQA world.

Can we all be friends?

Hey everybody! So, I'm really sorry that this post is ridiculously late. The past week has been insanely hectic, and to top it off, I completely forgot what I was going to write about this week! So, I'm just going to roll with it and see what happens.

With the addition of more women to the blog staff (!!), I think I'll delve a bit into the oft-lamented gender imbalance represented within our Duke LGBTQ community (although I realize that this topic is not one that can be effectively addressed in one blogpost). Depending on your level of involvement in our little community, you may or may not be familiar with the host of visibility efforts directed specifically at queer women at Duke. Unfortunately, the plight of invisibility at Duke seems to be most effective in silencing the voices of Duke women. It is a struggle to find a balance between the men and women involved in different areas of our community (including this staff), and once we get more women engaged, there tends to be a sense of having tapped out our source of queer women.

What I have begun to question is, through our efforts to reach out to more women, what type of community we are attempting to create for queer women at Duke? Are we trying to expand the number of out, identified LGBTQ women to form a community able to rival the men? Or do we envision one singular LGBTQ community equally representative of both men and women?

This may seem like an obvious, or even silly question, but I ask it in response to some of my own experiences and past conversations with other members of our community. I have heard on various occasions, from different gay male friends of mine, that outside of Duke, they don't know if we would've ever been friends because they don't generally "like" lesbians, or because gay men and women supposedly don't interact outside of our smaller community. Or they will say that they can't STAND lesbians...except for me, because I'm different. Don't get me wrong, it is extremely flattering to hear this, and most of it is (hopefully) in jest. But it makes me wonder, would I have gotten to know my gay male friends as well as I have if I had had other women to interact with at the LGBT Center? If I hadn't met them by proxy of them just being there and being the visible part of our queer Duke community, would I still feel such a relatability towards gay men? And on the same token, would they have had any inclination to get to know me if I associated primarily with a visible, present, gay female community at Duke?

Considering this issue is especially troubling because I LOVE my gay guy friends at Duke. They are such an invaluable part of my support network, and I honestly can't imagine not having them in my life. Sure, we have certain contrasting interests ( ;p ), but other than the obvious differences, I don't see any reason why we should separate ourselves into our respective gendered groups. Then again, maybe I just don't know any better. While queer men at Duke have an opportunity to experience the support of a somewhat established male community, I can't say that I have had the same opportunity with queer women. I'm sure there are some things that can't be addressed as well by my guy friends simply because on some level we are not going through the same experiences, and there are points at which we simply cannot relate.

On the whole though, I hope that the assertion that gay men and lesbians don't get along in the "real world" is a hideous rumor, and that with greater interaction with queer females, more gay men will feel comfortable with the idea that gay men and women don't have to be so different after all, and vice versa. Personally, while I strongly desire a female support network in the LGBTQ community, I would hate for that to come at the cost of my relationships with my gay male friends. As we move towards expanding female visibility in the LGBTQ community, I hope that we will make sure to be careful to not only foster relationships between women, and the creation of a support network there, but also to create bridges across gender lines in order to ensure the development of a wholly inclusive and interactive community.

*Like I said at the beginning, this is hardly the scope of the gender issues in the LGBTQ community at Duke, but this is one aspect that I have been thinking about. If you ever want to talk about it more, definitely hit me up, because I could go on for quite a bit. :)

Anonymous Posts(1.18.10-1.24.10)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)

Aaaand we're back :) Today marks the beginning of the BDU Blog semester (a real thing in real life that appears on real calendars). We'll be back full force (and some!) with all of our columns and features. We've got a bunch of more people who have signed up to add to our already awesome staff, including three WOMEN. I think that few would argue that LGBTQ women are not largely undervisiblyrepresented on campus, so the XX point of view is something I really look forward to.

Anyhow! Let's get it started! (Topical! Because clearly it's 2004!) We only had one entry this week, but I'm guessing that now that we've RELAUNCHED the site for the semester, we'll get back up to our regular 3-4. Right? Right.

#1

Alright BDU family: I had an awkward moment this week with my employer. I am usually honest if a person asks me about my sexuality, but I won't volunteer that information otherwise. I feel that it isn't something I need to proclaim. Tonight my boss hosted a bbq with some friends of his. I was the only person from the office that was invited. One of his friends brought his girlfriend and her friend. From the moment they arrived, I felt pressured to "talk" to her. She was flirting right and left. I didn't want to shut her down because she was a friend of the boss. Any similar experiences out there?

[Ed. Note: Thanks for the contribution! As someone who is constantly being flirted with, I completely empathize. It is a tough life we share, Anonymous. Hopefully the Readers will be able to share their own experiences!]

[EDIT: OH. Okay. I am one for full honesty and disclosure when it comes to mistakes I've made no matter HOW STUPID THEY ARE. So for some reason I thought that Anonymous was a gay female? Yeah. Really confusing when you see it from that (completely idiotic) angle. This is now an infinitely more relevant and interesting story. While I stand by my comments that people are ALWAYS FLIRTING WITH ME (UGH. Am I right?), I feel bad for having misunderstood.

With this in mind! When this does happen to me (in all seriousness this does happen sometimes) I am careful with how I return these signals. In general, I act like a complete idiot (something that we now know takes little pretending) that does not notice advances and just bite the bullet for however long. I think that how we treat our sexuality in the workplace is equally discussable; at what point do you get close enough to an employer or coworker that it's appropriate to come out?]