June 25, 2012

Anonymous Posts (6.18.12-6.25.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)


#1
I've heard that Duke is primarily a hook-up campus, from sources ranging from current students to online reviews. Hook ups aren't all bad, I know, but are relationships really that scarce at Duke? Follow up, do things differ in the LGBTQ community? I'd love to get your insight into this!

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

June 18, 2012

Anonymous Posts (6.11.12-6.17.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)


#1
I've been talking to friends in high school about their college searches and, as much as I would like our community to grow, after my experience of Duke I just don't feel comfortable telling queer people (especially women and trans/gq people) they should come here. Is it ethical to "sell" Duke to a student who could go to Reed, Vassar, Berkeley instead - somewhere with a more accepting atmosphere and a strong queer presence, where they could find support, safe space, community, dates (lets be real)? Is it ethical not to, and to shrink Duke's LGBT community even more?

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

June 11, 2012

Anonymous Posts (5.28.12-6.10.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)



#1
We were always falling. Groundlessly. Freely. Continuously. You and I came from two different parts of the picture, yet somehow our paths crossed for a little while, during which we kept on falling with the company of each other. Our energies exchanged. You transformed me. I transformed you. We both changed. Forever. Then our parting came, as it was always expected. I struggled with all of my power to hold on tight to you. I could not just let you go like that. While I was grasping you, I hurt you without knowing it. I tried everything I could. Yet, our distance kept growing. You were falling fast. I was falling just as fast. But we were pulled into two different directions. Suddenly I realized there is now a void in my being that wasn’t there before you showed up. You took a part of me with you when we parted. I cried so much when I realized your figure was becoming smaller and smaller in my eyesight, until you became a dot and vanished. I decided to close my eyes, letting myself falling while quietly hoping that a miracle will bring us back together again. We are still on our way. The ground is nowhere to be seen.

#2
This is what a proper and constructive apology looks like.

#3
I am gay and haven't been the most sexually active person ever outside of actually dating someone, but I kinda want to have a few casual hookups over the summer. Does that make me a bad person?

#4
Consider this a post from your uncommon member of Duke's LGBT community. I'm a male who's actively involved with Duke's SLG/Greek life, works in finance, is from a conservative southern baptist background, considers himself quite masculine, and is hugely in love with his boyfriend. I'm here to say to those who are most constrained by their families, backgrounds, friends, and affiliations, that life will eventually GET BETTER. I often think of the anonymous poster a few months ago who spoke of the self hatred he has endured. I'm here to say that (although I recognize that all walks of life are different and nuanced) life improves. It may take a while. It's scary. You may need a special person (or people). You might find yourself in need of saving because you feel that your life has spiraled out control. After reading so many posts about men who have found themselves in situations similar to my own, I feel like that I should reach out and tell you that life may be hard for now, but it does slowly get better, little by little. Your anxiety or depression doesn't always have tonlast like a dark cloud, preventing you from beong your true self, or living your life to the fullest. No matter what you may think, you're NEVER alone...at all, and there are people who've found themselves in situations similar to yours and found a way to come out of it as a better person. There are people who love and support you, regardless of your place in life. I know that life hurts now, but if you can one day summon the courage to reach out to that first person, the burden of your secret, your shame, or your disdain will eventually begin to lift. Hell, life is too short to spend it upset and disliking such a lovable quality of yourself. If you don't believe me, talk to me anytime, as I wish that someone in my situation had spoken to me. I never thought I'd love someone of own gender so strongly, or miss him so much. In short, please understand that your time on this earth won't always go well, but life has a funny way of going on despite your circumstances, and you should embrace that, knowing that despite what's going on right now, it does and WILL get better :) #offmypedestal

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

June 7, 2012

Throwback Thursdays:My Duke: Affirming. Disapproving. And Everything In Between.

[Editor's Note: Hey Readers! Welcome to the seventh installation of "Throwback Thursdays." Every first Thursday of the month we'll feature a post from the BDU Blog, Version 1.0. I hope that everyone is enjoying their summers. I don't know if you're feeling that life just moves at a slower pace during the summer, but I sure am. I was looking through the archives to find a good post for Throwback Thursdays and I saw this one. This a nice and short little piece on the complexity of the Duke environment, and it touches on some very good points. Enjoy.]

December 9, 2008

There seems to be a lot of discussion about whether or not Duke is an accepting and affirming place to be an LGBT student. I do not think it is possible to answer that question with a simple yes or no.

There seems to be a lot of discussion about whether or not Duke is an accepting and affirming place to be an LGBT student. I do not think it is possible to answer that question with a simple yes or no. I am happy at Duke and am very glad I chose to go here. My LGBT experiences have enriched me in ways I never imagined. I have made many great lifelong friends, became an activist and have learned much about what it means to be an LGBT person. I have met many allies who love me for me regardless of my sexual orientation or how I display my gender. Before Duke, I was out, but not in the way I wanted to be. Duke has taught me how to be the person that I choose to be. This campus has allowed me to display my sexual orientation and gender identity without being ashamed. However, I cannot ignore the negative experiences either. I cannot ignore the fact that I get stared and gawked at everywhere I go, and not even when I’m holding hands with a boy or wearing a particularly “gay” outfit. Usually it’s just when I’m crossing the quad like any other student. I cannot ignore the fact that I have been physically threatened for my display of my sexual orientation and gender identity. I cannot ignore the fact that I regularly have drunk frat guys telling me to perform sexually degrading acts for them due to my sexual orientation and gender identity. Duke is a wonderful place and I am happy and excited to be out and proud. I have found niches filled with affirming and supportive people and I have found niches with some of the most bigoted and homophobic people I have ever met. I guess it just depends on which side I focus on in deciding whether or not it is an affirming campus.

To those of you who persistently say that Duke is not an affirming place, I ask you to please remember all the good experiences that you have had at Duke being an LGBT person and to not forget them, even when everybody seems to be against you. In my experience, it has been these positive experiences that will define how I move my life forward and become the person I want to be post-Duke. And to those of you who persistently say that Duke is an affirming place, I ask you to pay closer attention and to see the whole picture and the inevitable negativity that will always be present. It may seem easier to block out the negativity, but it is something that we can all learn and grow from. I know that had I not gotten these stares or threats; I would not be able to walk across campus, head held high and full of pride like I do today.