Comments on our lives: Interracial Lesbian Relationships: A Swell Endeavo...

I'm 14 n I'm black n I'm dating a whit...

2010-06-19T22:09:43.055-04:00

I'm 14 n I'm black n I'm dating a white girl n it's this article makes me realli happi cuz u don't hear about this alot not to mention most blck girls my age look dwn upon lesbians no matter wat I'm In the closet still....jessica my gf she's surpriseing ok with it but I'm jus worried n a lil scared cuz I've been taught gays n lesbians r bad n I'm worried of wat ppl will thnk of us bein different races lik we look so different we have differ hair types n everythng I'm her first blck gf nshes my first GF ever!!! How do ppl react wen they c u n ur gf??

Thank you for your post Veronica! I am 23 year old...

2010-05-14T12:50:23.982-04:00

Thank you for your post Veronica! I am 23 year old an African-American counseling grad student and I date a White woman. Some situations you mentioned are conversations me and my girlfriend have had. I used to wear braids and she’d help me take them out and I appreciated the time we spent together doing that as did she. I have met ghetto Black people and I have also met ghetto White people, unfortunately “ghettoness” crosses all racial lines. I think your friends may be a problem. Generally Black people, well I’ll use myself, I know when my girlfriends friends are suspicious of me due to unflattering stereotypes about my race. When you get a chance read White privilege by P. McIntosh. Racial identity among the Black race is a serious issue (also read Cross’s Nigrescence theory- expanded) that I am working on personally and socially. I too love black women because historically all the women in my life have been strong, smart, beautiful and Black. My girlfriend is White and she is just as smart, beautiful, and strong, maybe even more than the African-American women I have admired growing up. I dare say interracial relationships are harder for White women because it’s a intentional decision to choose a partner of that race but being Black, gay, female and in an interracial relationship is difficult because we are born into a society that automatically oppresses that group. Black women are great, I agree wholeheartedly but why do you feel the need to proclaim your love for this demographic so much? For me it just seems suspicious and I don’t even know you! I wish you all the best and hope you find what you need!

Speaking of people who get shit for their preferen...

2010-02-02T23:42:45.459-05:00

Speaking of people who get shit for their preferences: white men who prefer Asian women. Many people assume that white men are solely interested in Asian women who fulfill certain sexual stereotypes. If that is true, the "preference" has racist undertones, but in the majority of cases it is just a preference. As Chantel hinted at, preferences are irrational and difficult to articulate.
The excellent graphic novel Shortcomings by Adrian Tomine addresses the double standard between white man/asian woman relationships and asian man/white woman relationships.

I don't think it's an uncomfortable questi...

2010-02-02T23:06:00.742-05:00

I don't think it's an uncomfortable question, but I do think people can pose it in a way that puts me on my guard. Some people don't think black woman are a legit object of desire and think there's something wrong with me for liking them. I don't want to be tricked into admitting that I'm only attracted to stereotypes or that I have an insidious motive.
Here's a short list of things I like that can be atrributed to some black women. There's no way I can avoid putting some stereotypes:
Dark skin (I also like South Asian women for this reason)
The texture of natural black hair
The texture of relaxed black hair
Full lips
Beautiful dark eyes
The way they speak
Our differences
Their strength
Their history

It's important to note that while I may have a well-known preference for black womoen, I have dated people of many diffferent backgrounds and will countinue to do so. Intelligence and compassion will always be the most important qualities in someone I date.

Hey Veronica. First off, I think you're pretty...

2010-02-02T22:27:52.298-05:00

Hey Veronica. First off, I think you're pretty brave for talking about this subject, and not being afraid to get personal about your preferences. But I'm still curious- why black women? What about them especially draws your interest, if you can even pin that down? And is that question an uncomfortable one for you?

This is Veronica Ray Katrice: I haven't gotte...

2010-02-02T22:09:20.826-05:00

This is Veronica Ray

Katrice: I haven't gotten many surprise reactions at Duke, but then again most everyone is aware of my preference so they're more happy for me than surprised. I haven't noticed any reactions from strangers. My black lezbro was really surprised and said it was "hot" that I was dating a black girl. A Pakastani friend of mine sarcasticly said "If that's what you're into" when I described my girl friend "as tall, black, and boyish." Back home (I'm from San Antonio, TX) I would probably get more insensetive responses- jokes about sexual stereotypes, refrences to my "jungle fever", or disbelief that I would be with someone "ghetto."

i love it! thanks for sharing! and just something ...

2010-02-02T21:42:04.459-05:00

i love it! thanks for sharing! and just something i was curious about - do you get any surprised reactions to being in a relationship with someone outside of your own ethnicity? versus only expressing a preference?

this is great! i'm looking forward to your fut...

2010-02-02T21:16:39.499-05:00

this is great! i'm looking forward to your future posts!

This is Veronica Ray. I already sent you a messag...

2010-02-02T20:22:01.466-05:00

This is Veronica Ray.

I already sent you a message about this on facebook, but just for full-disclosure race is a completely non issue in my family. I have relatives who are Asian, Hispanic and Middle-eastern. My parents are in full support of my sexuality though some members of my extended family don't know yet. I would love to write more blog posts about race but I'll have to find a way to link it to the LGBT community. Tiffany and I plan to watch a movie about black stud lesbians soon so I might write about that. I think it also might be cool to interview queer people of different backgrounds (Muslim, Asian-American, international, Hispanic, ect) about how their race relates to their experiences as a queer person. I appreciate all the feedback I can get :)

Ummm I loved reading this. I think about race so m...

2010-02-02T17:43:08.883-05:00

Ummm I loved reading this. I think about race so much, probably at unhealthy levels at this point. I don't know anything about your family situation, or if you feel comfortable talking about this on the blog (we can talk more later in person if that is better) but I was just curious about your family's acceptance of different races, or same-sex for that matter?

Good post Veronica!!! Congratulations on your fir...

2010-02-01T10:09:34.774-05:00

Good post Veronica!!! Congratulations on your first one. =) I think this is a really interesting writing because you're reflecting on what it's like to be a minority in a minority, in a minority. (Female, interracial, same-sex relationship.) Duke needs more people like you! If for anything, just to show that there is more than one way to be a woman at Duke.