I always get really
retrospective around the holidays, and for good reasons I suppose. Moving from
Thanksgiving to Christmas and eventually the New Year marks a year of change,
good and bad, and the beginning of new experiences. Looking back a year ago, I
was living two lives. I had recently come out to my mom, which she was really
receptive of. I expected nothing less since her best friend is gay; she had
been an advocate of gay rights since I could remember, and she had always made
sure that myself, my brother, and my dad were sensitive to using “gay” as a
slur. I guess that’s mother’s intuition, as she wasn’t surprised when I told
her. She thought that I might have been gay since I was three years old. In a
way, this disappointed me. I wanted some sort of shock factor, not in a
negative way but in the “holy shit, I didn’t expect that, that’s dope and I’m
happy for you,” sort of way. Following my mom, I came out to all of my high
school friends that I still associated with. I suppose this started a ripple
effect in my life and the double life I was living was increasingly blurred. My
brother took the news with ease, my fraternity was, and still is, extremely
supportive.
The beginning of October
marked the dreaded time to tell my conservative father. My mo had kept my
secret for a year, and it was fed up with not having told my dad. I was
accepted to an LGBTQ conference, O4UTC, for members of the community interested
in technology. I was going to fly back to California, my home state, and spend
the day with my parents on Sunday. I couldn’t just show up unannounced and my
dad isn’t dumb, so it came time to burst out the doors, once again. My dad was,
well, less than receptive. I expected that much, but it still hurt to see my
fears materialize into reality. I quickly ran to my support systems and vented.
My mom reassuring me that he’ll come around, in a few years.
This Thanksgiving break
marked the end of my immediate coming out journey. I know it’s always a
process, but for now I’m done telling people. My dad had instructed me not to
tell any of my other family members and I didn’t. But, my social media outlets
are pretty transparent. Family on my dad’s side saw an Instagram post of me in
rainbow suspenders with a caption that outed me, #sorrynotsorry. Fortunately I
went to Chicago, to my mom’s side of the family, for Thanksgiving and didn’t
have to deal with that situation right away. In a similar fashion, tweeting was
the outing mechanism. I assumed my cousins knew since they followed me, but
they were dancing around the subject for days. Eventually I just said it, and
as I thought, they already knew. What took my by complete surprise was when my
aunt casually asked me over breakfast if I had a “boyfriend?” My jaw dropped as
I looked back and forth from her to my uncle. The word “boyfriend” rang in my
ears for minutes as the look of disbelief waned from my face. She informed me
that my whole family knew, including my extremely Catholic grandparents. She
assured me that no one cared and that everyone still loved me the same. This
time, I didn’t care about the shock factor. As my personal astonishment
subsided, I was happy I didn’t have to tell anyone anymore. My mom’s family
sees me as me. I’m still Alex, the same as I have been.
For now, I’m happy with who
knows and if anyone else finds out, that’s cool too. Being gay isn’t going to
change for me anytime soon, or anytime at all. I’ve come to terms with myself
and have countless people who really care about me. It’s been a whirlwind of a
year in terms of personal growth and I’m excited to see what the new year will
bring for me. Until next time.
A great perspective. Thanks for sharing!
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