Anonymous Posts (2.18.13-2.25.13)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Hey y'all! After roughly a month of no Anonymous Posts, we got a bunch this past week. We hope you enjoy reading them, and keep sending them in!



#1:
Yo it was totally cool of the athletics department to bring in the You Can Play people to talk to all the first year athletes about homophobia in sport, but it was totally not cool of the You Can Play people to be super sexist and a lil homophobic themselves. The platform where three recently graduated college athletes, two gay men and a bisexual woman, talked about their experiences coming out as athletes was a really good idea and I think it made more of an impact on people than just having someone get up and talk about the possibility of there being gay people in the sports world, but that one guy was a real a-hole (and the guy who was in charge wasn't the most professional either). Laughingly telling a roomful of freshmen that you decided to fuck your girlfriend a lot senior year to try and convince yourself you were not gay and later following to say you feel bad for straight guys cause you get tired of listening to girls talk when you have to talk to them at bars or that all the girls in a gay bar would want you if you were the one straight guy there sort of seems like you might be shitting on girls a little bit. But let's all really be respectful of one another! Really! Also when you make sidelong comments about "aggressive" gay people at a pride parade it seems like you're not really helping your cause. But no worries, "If You Can Play (and you're a bro) You Can Play"

#2:
I am really into this guy, but he's in a fraternity and not completely out. I'm not sure how to go about asking him out when I'm not 'supposed' to know he's gay in the first place. The thing is, I see him all over campus (BC, gym, plaza, bus stop) and I really want to engage him in a conversation, but I'm not sure how. What should I do?

#3:
It makes me sad that there have been no anonymous posts in a month!!!!

#4:
http://www.dukechronicle.com/article/column-my-image-me-versus-my-image-gay Almost 10 years later it looks like many of us face this same identity crisis.

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Anonymous Posts (1.22.13-1.28.13)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

No Anonymous Posts for you this week, I'm afraid. As always, feel free to send in any thoughts or feelings you'd like to share via the sidebar on this webpage.

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Anonymous Posts (12.13.12-1.21.13)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

#1:
I'm hoping to come out pretty soon to my Duke community. Can I hear some of your stories about coming out to friends here? Was it pretty nonchalant or did you use the opportunity to foster some discussion about the topic?

#2:
“Weight”
Before coming to college, I made a pledge to myself that I’d be open, that I’d be honest. I wouldn’t hide like I did in high school. I’d be true to how I was feeling. Things would change. Things would be different. And they did. A few months into freshman year, I came out to my roommates and received nothing but support. To them, who I liked, boys, girls, it made no difference. And for all the support they gave, me, I couldn’t be more grateful. But as I come to the end of my junior year, I’m beginning to realize that college does, in fact, end, that things do, in fact, change. I’m realizing that this bubble, this pocket of liberal ideas and boundless inclusion, this world that I have been able to carefully construct for myself…it’s not eternal. Outside of my little Duke snow globe, things are different. I’ve never told anyone outside of college about my sexuality. I never came out to my parents. That’s not to say I think they’re oblivious. They know I’ve never had a girlfriend. I never even pretended to. But it’s still something we all know not to mention, because the moment someone were to, everything would change and this secret that I’ve kept so beautifully secluded in my fantasy college universe would enter into the real world. It would enter into a place where there is shame, where there’s blame, where there’s homophobia, where there’s discrimination and where there aren’t LGBT meetings one afternoon a week at The Center. In that moment, things would change. My dad would look down at the table disappointed. My mom would cry. Life would get harder; the path would get more obscure. My friend once asked me what’s the hardest thing about being gay. Was it not being accepted? Was it finding a suitable partner? I said no, because for me, I think the answer is bigger, more fundamental. When you’re gay, there is a cruel lack of weighting, a certain lack of gravity that you’re forced to contend with. The American ideal, the white picket fence and 2.1 kids, the family dog, the PTA meetings, the bake sales, the neighbors that smile as you pass on the sidewalk, they’re all possible when you’re straight. But when you’re not, it becomes an ideal you’re forced - every day - to look at but know you will be greeted by infinite obstacles if you try to touch. I’ve had nights where I dreamed that that life could be mine, that somehow I could find my way into that social gravitational pull and feel what it’s like to be on the other side, to be within the sphere of cultural “normal”, to feel what it’s like to have a path beneath my feet. I wish I didn’t have to feel like I was always floating, looking down into a world that wasn’t made for me. Before coming to college, I made a pledge to myself that I’d be open, that I’d be honest. Well, right now, the most honest desire I have in my heart is for gravity. There will be those that will say what about love? What about freedom? Well, maybe my definition of free is different. Maybe I’ll find a nice girl, and we’ll settle down and have a kid, or two. And they’ll go to school and they’ll grow up well and they’ll go play with my parents on weekends. And my parents, they’ll be happy, and they’ll be proud. And my wife and I, we’d build a life that’s simple, and we’d love each other because we’re happy in what we built together, and we’d find freedom in the fact that we’re finally living grounded and weighted.
- Yellow Saint

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Anonymous Posts (11.12.12-11.25.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Hey y'all!

Glad to say, we've got some anonymous posts today. Welcome back from Thanksgiving Break, and I wish you luck in these last few weeks and finals.

Now, notes from OC:


#1:
With voting power comes influence.

#2:
Today, I hesitantly kissed my girlfriend on the main quad and...nothing happened. No one said anything offensive to us, no one made a face. In fact, no one even shot us a second glance. I'm a long way away from this being completely comfortable but...this was certainly reassuring :)

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Anonymous Posts (11.5.12-11.12.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Well, we again lack any anonymous posts to put up for you today. Since we don't have anything, here's a blurb about an upcoming Women Loving Women event.


Women Loving Women is a monthly discussion group for LGBTQ (and questioning) women-identified students. This month, we will be joined by the excellent Mandy Carter, a self-described "out, southern, black, lesbian, social justice activist”! She has been organizing for social justice, racial equality, and LGBT equality for more than four decades.

She was a co-founded of Southerners On New Ground (SONG), an organization with the purpose of building a regional base of LGBTQ people to transform the region through projects and campaigns. Mandy also helped found the National Black Justice Coalition, a civil rights organization dedicated to empowering Black lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people. In 2005 Mandy was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize as one of the "1,000 Women for the Nobel Peace Prize 2005", which aimed to recognize and celebrate the impressive, yet often invisible, peace work of thousands of women around the world.

So basically, Mandy Carter is a bamf. And she’s coming to WLW! RSVP to Janie Long and not if you prefer vegetarian for dinner.
Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Anonymous Posts (10.29.12-11.5.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

No anonymous posts for you this week. This week there will be an election return watch party on Tuesday starting at 8:00 PM in the Center for LGBT Life. Swing by if you'd like to watch the results of the Presidential election with BDU.


Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Anonymous Posts (10.22.12-10.28.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Hey y'all,

I'm afraid we don't have any new posts for you today. If you haven't gone out to vote yet, do try to make it to the polls soon. The voting is in the Old Trinity Room in the West Union. Democracy can't work if we don't vote!


Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Anonymous Posts (10.15.12-10.21.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Hey y'all, hope your first week back from Fall Break went well. While it was sad to see Jess go this week, we wish her well in her new job at UNC. We're excited for her to get this exciting opportunity. Thanks for all of your work for the community here, Jess.

Now, notes from OC:


#1:
For the first time in my life I am legitimately sexually frustrated. Watching porn makes me angry because all I can think is "damn she's feeling girls and I'm stuck here with nobody" I find myself being jealous of the lesbian couples I see around campus, but I know I should be happy to see out couples enjoying themselves. I feel horrible that sex can affect me like this, but what's a
[Editor's Note: It seems like this post got cut off before it could be finished. If you're the author, you can submit a finished version to the anonymous post submission and I'll update this post as soon as I see it. I'll make sure to check the submission throughout tomorrow.]

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Anonymous Posts (10.8.12-10.14.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Hey y'all!

Hope you're having a solid fall break, catching up on sleep, destressing from midterms, etc. Our community has made a big win this past week with the updated LGBT Center design. We're excited to get to work on finalizing the design to make a great new Center for next year!

Now, notes from OC:


#1:
I want to be out so bad. I want to start dating so bad. But something still holds me back. I always thought it would be something I'd get over and that I would come out eventually, but that hasn't happened yet. Why is it taking so long? Why am I still not comfortable telling my friends (who I know will definitely accept me) that I'm gay? It's a torturous feeling.


Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Anonymous Posts (10.1.12-10.7.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Hey y'all!

No anonymous posts for you this week! I hope you get through your last week of classes before fall break. Remember, the Center for LGBT Life is doing Coming Out day this Thursday from 11:00 AM to 2:00 PM on the BC plaza. Come by for Love = Love T-shirts. Better yet, volunteer to make sure you get one, because they go pretty fast! BDU will also be at Coming Out Day, tabling on the plaza.

Anonymous Posts (8.27.12-9.2.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)


Hey y'all, I hope it's been a good FWOC for you. I hope you swung by the OUTstravangza on East Campus this Thursday, we had a lot of fun! There were lots of rainbow flags and ice cream, so honestly what more could you want?

Are you a LGBTQ identified woman? If you are you may want to consider coming to Women Loving Women! It's a monthly discussion and dinner group for undergraduate and graduate women who identify as LGBTQ and questioning. Membership is confidential. The first meeting is this week on Tuesday at 6:30. RSVP to colleen.warner@duke.edu by Tuesday morning if you plan on attending.

If you question gender, identify as trans, do not feel that you fit in traditional gender norms, or have any other non-cisgendered gender identity, Spectrum may the group for you. This is a confidential discussion which meets in the Center for LGBT Life. The first meeting of this group is Thursday at 6:00. Note: This is not a group to come to learn about other people. This is a group to explore your own identity.

Now, notes from OC:

#1
Coming out to my friends has been the most frustrating/rewarding thing I've done in a while. It's totally awesome that my friends accept me, but it's really frustrating that they don't understand what being a lesbian means. They still hold me to heteronormative standards of beauty and try to give me advice (grow your hair back out, wear super tight skirts with heels) on how to look more "attractive." It would be awesome if we could do some type of campaign to help people keep their heteronormative views in check.

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Anonymous Posts (8.20.12-8.26.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Hey y'all, thanks to all of you who came to the Center's Orientation Reception! It was great to see such a large turnout there. To any first years who may be reading the blog for the first time, most Mondays we have Anonymous Posts submitted from the sidebar. This week we didn't get any posts, so there obviously won't be any. If anybody is interested in writing for the blog on a regular schedule send an email to kab67@duke.edu. We'd love to have you!

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Anonymous Posts (8.13.12-8.19.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Well, the beginning of the Fall Semester is right around the corner, and so LGBTQA Life on campus is starting off with some programming very soon. This Sunday the Center for LGBT Life will be holding its orientation reception. If you're around campus for that, be sure to come for some food, fun, and friends. Then that Thursday, August 30, the LGBT Center will be hosting OUTstravanganza together with Blue Devils United on East Campus. This event will be a lot of fun with ice cream and music right inside marketplace. What more could you want? 

Now, notes from OC:


#1
I'm out of an open relationship, and it's such a relief. We were together three years; I had fallen in love with him right away; but looking back on it, I can't get over the arrogance that came with his thoughts on non-monogamy, or the things I would put up with for the sake of accomodating his self-described "dominant" personality. Like, EVERY DAY he would find a reason to criticize monogamous/"straight-conforming" couples, and he was seriously incapable of walking past a guy who was his "type" (I, despite being his "love," was not) without eyeing him up and making some comment. If I would get into a funk, and ADMIT to him that I was jealous of someone, the anger and criticism I got in response was insane. "WHAT?" "Why don't you understand that my 'type' doesn't have to do with love?" "Why are you trying to control me?" "If you love me why do you want to limit what I do?" "This is how gays men date." And, maybe most annoyingly, "Why are you making this a big deal?" Don't get me wrong, I understand why (most) of these points can make sense in the right context. But at the same time, don't get on a soap box and preach. It drove me crazy how he would turn sluttiness into a bonafide virtue. No, I am not overjoyed to hear everyday that you love fucking short blonde boys, and no, that does not make my love inferior. We did have a good relationship in some regards, at some times. But damn, am I glad the jealousy/discomfort/shame/awkwardness/etc are finally over. It's hard to put just how good it feels to simply say, "Open dating is not for me." I feel like I wanna go to Disneyland.


Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Anonymous Posts (7.16.12-7.30.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)


Sorry about the gap between Anonymous Postings, I've been busy with personal stuff. This means that we have a LOT of posts for today. Much love to everyone who wrote in.

Now, notes from OC:


#1
Why I dislike the term "gay pride" It seems to me to be a gross misuse of language, a distortion of the way words work. But it's understandable that this term, "pride," is so widely misused by our community. It's American. We grow up in a society where people feel national pride, racial pride, cultural pride. But this doesn't make it forgivable. Pride is a concept that belongs to the idea of achievement. If you work really hard and you accomplish something, develop a skill, succeed in some respect, then you are entitled to be prideful. But using the term pride to refer to your racial identity, national identity, or sexual identity is nothing more than to take the accomplishments of others as your own. People who claim to be proud to be white ride off the success of other white people. How can you take pride in the success of someone else solely based on an accidental feature you two share? The same thing belongs to national pride. Getting wrapped up in being proud to be an American *usually* means taking the success of other Americans and applying that to yourself (there are exceptions where it is a group effort that you are in fact a part of). The thing these two share in common is that one finds satisfaction in a feature of oneself that one had no control over. You didn't choose to be American and you didn't work towards your American identity. You didn't choose your race and you didn't do anything whatsoever to be able to identify with that race. The concept of pride simply does not belong. Pride is reserved for endeavors you, yourself strive for. With regard to gay pride, I don't even understand what one means by saying that one is "proud to be gay." In fact, that sounds inane to me. Why are you proud of this feature? Are you proud that you have a penis? Are you proud that you have a left arm? Are you proud that your hair is brown? Are you proud of your green eyes? Are you proud that you have both a functioning thumb AND pinky? These are features of you that you had no part in. I suppose one could say that they are proud that they had the courage to come out in the face of adversity. That is a perfectly legitimate thing to be proud of. However, that is not what one says when one says "I'm proud to be gay."


#2
I feel in love with a girl and she broke m heart. I'm ready to do it again


#3
I'm an incoming freshman at Duke. I'm gay, but I'm only out to a couple of people back home, and I'm confused as to what to do once I get on campus. I haven't reached the point where I am comfortable enough to be out to everyone, but I really don't want to enter college under the disguise of a heterosexual (like I've been doing my whole life) and have to go through the coming out process later. I want to get to campus in August with comfort in who I am and no need to put on an act. But, like I said, I don't think I'm quite ready to do that at the moment. Advice?


#4
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobileweb/2012/07/18/macklemore_n_1684116.html this song is really good! I love that it doesn't sound like he's forcing the material into the music... It flows really well.


#5
[sigh] So, I'm an incoming first-year student, and I'd like to say I love every single thing about Duke and I'm so super duper excited to be a Blue Devil (like everyone here seems to do). However as of late, I've had some concerns. Right before applying and right after I got accepted, I had this notion inside my head that Duke was sooooo accepting of the LGBT community, and that as soon as I step on campus, I will be engulfed by a progressive castle-like wonderland of open-mindedness. My reasoning for this being Duke's selective-nature (I guess the correlation of college selectivity and open-mindedness really DOESN'T imply causation haha) This is important to me because I've been in the closet for my entire life and only out to a handful of gay guys that I know. I thought that coming to college, I'd be given a chance to be more open and happier about my sexuality. However in the last few weeks, I've started being more realistic and coming to terms with the fact that Duke has a reasonable presence of bigoted students. I guess I shouldn't have gone to CollegiateACB (I was so disappointed in the Duke student body for this) and I guess I shouldn't have read the June 18th anonymous post for this site. I'm just worried that I'm not going to be as comfortable on campus as I'd like to be and frankly, I've been flirting with the idea of transferring. I just want to get some input from current students. Is it really as bad as I think it is (PLEASE BE HONEST)? Is the (small) LGBT community here cliquey? I already have strikes against me with Duke being that I am not really a party monster, not really into hookups, and that I am a QPOC. Ugh this is frustrating!


#6
Anyone else down to get the chick-fil-a off our campus? It's not like they're ever open anyways, amiright?

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Anonymous Posts (7.9.12-7.15.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)


Hey all,

I hope your summers are going swimmingly. We've got an anonymous post this week for you, and thanks to recent alum AJ for writing a post during the week.

Now without further ado, notes from OC:


#1
I am not sure if this has ever been considered before, but I think it would be great if the Duke LGBT Center did an "It Gets Better" video. Several other colleges around the country have created videos, so I think it would be exciting to showcase LGBT life at Duke for prospective students and show that it does get better.

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Anonymous Posts (7.2.12-7.8.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)


Hey all,

We've had no anonymous post submissions these past two weeks, so if you've got any thoughts be sure to submit them using this link and we'll post them on the following Monday. We'd really love to hear from you! So, as far as news goes, the only thing I've heard lately is that Anderson Cooper is gay. I don't know if you suspected as much or not, but it's definitely good to have another role for LGBT youth. If you've stumbled across anything interesting related to the LGBT community, be sure to submit it.

Love y'all!

Anonymous Posts (6.18.12-6.25.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)


#1
I've heard that Duke is primarily a hook-up campus, from sources ranging from current students to online reviews. Hook ups aren't all bad, I know, but are relationships really that scarce at Duke? Follow up, do things differ in the LGBTQ community? I'd love to get your insight into this!

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Anonymous Posts (6.11.12-6.17.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)


#1
I've been talking to friends in high school about their college searches and, as much as I would like our community to grow, after my experience of Duke I just don't feel comfortable telling queer people (especially women and trans/gq people) they should come here. Is it ethical to "sell" Duke to a student who could go to Reed, Vassar, Berkeley instead - somewhere with a more accepting atmosphere and a strong queer presence, where they could find support, safe space, community, dates (lets be real)? Is it ethical not to, and to shrink Duke's LGBT community even more?

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Anonymous Posts (5.28.12-6.10.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)



#1
We were always falling. Groundlessly. Freely. Continuously. You and I came from two different parts of the picture, yet somehow our paths crossed for a little while, during which we kept on falling with the company of each other. Our energies exchanged. You transformed me. I transformed you. We both changed. Forever. Then our parting came, as it was always expected. I struggled with all of my power to hold on tight to you. I could not just let you go like that. While I was grasping you, I hurt you without knowing it. I tried everything I could. Yet, our distance kept growing. You were falling fast. I was falling just as fast. But we were pulled into two different directions. Suddenly I realized there is now a void in my being that wasn’t there before you showed up. You took a part of me with you when we parted. I cried so much when I realized your figure was becoming smaller and smaller in my eyesight, until you became a dot and vanished. I decided to close my eyes, letting myself falling while quietly hoping that a miracle will bring us back together again. We are still on our way. The ground is nowhere to be seen.

#2
This is what a proper and constructive apology looks like.

#3
I am gay and haven't been the most sexually active person ever outside of actually dating someone, but I kinda want to have a few casual hookups over the summer. Does that make me a bad person?

#4
Consider this a post from your uncommon member of Duke's LGBT community. I'm a male who's actively involved with Duke's SLG/Greek life, works in finance, is from a conservative southern baptist background, considers himself quite masculine, and is hugely in love with his boyfriend. I'm here to say to those who are most constrained by their families, backgrounds, friends, and affiliations, that life will eventually GET BETTER. I often think of the anonymous poster a few months ago who spoke of the self hatred he has endured. I'm here to say that (although I recognize that all walks of life are different and nuanced) life improves. It may take a while. It's scary. You may need a special person (or people). You might find yourself in need of saving because you feel that your life has spiraled out control. After reading so many posts about men who have found themselves in situations similar to my own, I feel like that I should reach out and tell you that life may be hard for now, but it does slowly get better, little by little. Your anxiety or depression doesn't always have tonlast like a dark cloud, preventing you from beong your true self, or living your life to the fullest. No matter what you may think, you're NEVER alone...at all, and there are people who've found themselves in situations similar to yours and found a way to come out of it as a better person. There are people who love and support you, regardless of your place in life. I know that life hurts now, but if you can one day summon the courage to reach out to that first person, the burden of your secret, your shame, or your disdain will eventually begin to lift. Hell, life is too short to spend it upset and disliking such a lovable quality of yourself. If you don't believe me, talk to me anytime, as I wish that someone in my situation had spoken to me. I never thought I'd love someone of own gender so strongly, or miss him so much. In short, please understand that your time on this earth won't always go well, but life has a funny way of going on despite your circumstances, and you should embrace that, knowing that despite what's going on right now, it does and WILL get better :) #offmypedestal

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Anonymous Posts (5.14.12-5.20.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)


Hey y'all, hope you're enjoying your summers. We've got one post for you today, so enjoy.

Here you go:


#1
I've been to many other forums and talked to a lot of people, but I haven't found much help. A few years ago, I came out as being bisexual. I was interested in men, sexually and emotionally, and the same went for women. As time when on, I found that my interest in women was dwindling, so I started thinking, "Maybe I'm more gay than anything else". I started getting involved with guys, but I was struck by some episodes of impotence, which were pretty embarrassing. The thing is, I had more fun with those guys than most of my straight hook ups. But then why wasn't my penis cooperating with me? I think it made me afraid to be physical with a guy; I haven't done more than kiss another guy since then. When I've hooked up with girls, it's physically satisfying, but I feel like I'm lying to myself somehow after I finish. There are dozens of other oddities in terms of how I've been approaching relationships, but I could go on and on about all that confusion, so I'll just keep it short: It seems that my brain wants to be with men, while my penis only responds to women. How the hell am I supposed to get involved with anyone on any level if this is how I operate?

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).