August 8, 2011

Anonymous Posts (8.1.11-8.7.11)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Hey Folks! It seems that the summer is winding down, and I can't lie--I'm pretty stoked to get back to Duke, the Center, Our Lives Discussion Groups (what do yall want to talk about?), regularly scheduled blog content, meeting the class of 2015, nights out at Vespa/The Station/Legends (and Shooters?), Women's Housing, working for the women's basketball team, and so much more!

I hope everyone has enjoyed all of their summertime adventures as much as I have.

See you soon. Until then, keep writing in, commenting and reading!

i can't figure out if i have a crush on this girl or not. i thought i had these things all figured out--cool people were cool and that was that. i know that i don't have sexual feelings for her, at least not the way that i feel for the guy i'm currently hooking up with. but i can't deny that i'm pretty intensely emotionally attracted to her. and i guess none of this matters because 1) we worked together this summer and the summer is just about over. 2) i'm sort of exclusively hooking up with this guy. and 3) i feel confident that she doesn't reciprocate the feelings/isn't at all interested in being with another woman. but it still complicates everything i thought i had figured out. i wish these things would match up. for basically the first time in my life, i'm physically/sexually attracted to someone (a guy). but i have no inkling of emotional attraction to him. in fact, i don't even have the desire/need to be friends with him. i'm surprised by this, but i'm quite happy meeting after it's dark to canoodle. and then there's this girl who i'm pretty enamored by, but I don't feel those things for her physically, even though I wish i did.

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over summer, too! If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).


  1. Hey #1!

    I'm so glad you wrote into the blog! It's funny, I think I could reiterate what you said in your post just about life in general. And especially, with Duke starting up in just three weeks-about college! Every year before school I feel like I've got Duke/college all figured out; that I made all those mistakes last year and that I learned all these new things, and I'm ready for a mistake-free and wiser next year. And then I do new things, new activities and meet new people in the following year, and find myself refiguring it out all over again, making mistakes (lessons?) and generally sometimes feeling lost as I'm working to define what I believe in and feel. Maybe it's because we change, and what worked (or how our thought processes worked) change with us. Who knows!

    What you said is so legitament-and it's also valid to get nervous about this or wonder why we can't just figure out this crush on this girl, or how you feel about that guy, etc. This might help; someone told me once, "don't judge how you feel-it's just how you feel, you can't help it."

    Michaelangelo has that quote, that he actually used at the end of his life-"I'm still learning". I don't have anything figured out either-not my sexuality, not Duke, not my own majors, not my life, nothing. Haha, so if great Renaissance artists said the same thing, maybe we're in good company!

    p.s. There have been a lot of great posts on the blog this summer about trying to figure this all out-Risa's post and Ebony's "Indifferent" from this past week come to mind. I hope they help you too!

  2. #1, I've been reading this blog for almost a year now and no one has come closer to posting something that I identify with more than you. With the exception of a few minor details, I empathize fully with you and feel your pain/confusion. While I have no useful advice to offer, I would like to say thanks to Megan for bringing the Michaelangelo quote to light. It has helped me find a small shred of comfort when lately all I've felt is frustration.

  3. #1 - We fall in love with people, not necessarily just men, just women. The person behind the body is without gender, and if you let it, it's just as easy to fall in love whether or not you are attracted to them physically. Whether this love is enough for a romantic relationship is up to you. As a gay man, when I was in the closet I often found myself falling in love with women. However, I personally did not think love alone could be the basis for a fulfilling relationship--both physically and emotionally. I thought it would be unfair to pursue anything romantic further. That being said, the women I loved became some of the closest friends I've had in my life, and with that closeness I've found myself content, as that's what I really wanted after all.

    I guess what I mean to say is that what you are experiencing is by all means normal. How you respond depends on what you expect out of a romantic relationship. By standard definitions, what you are experiencing does not necessarily define you as bisexual, if labels are what concern you. But regardless, remember you can love someone and be close to someone without having sex with them, and in some ways this love is more eternal than others.