Anonymous Posts (2.18.13-2.25.13)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Hey y'all! After roughly a month of no Anonymous Posts, we got a bunch this past week. We hope you enjoy reading them, and keep sending them in!



#1:
Yo it was totally cool of the athletics department to bring in the You Can Play people to talk to all the first year athletes about homophobia in sport, but it was totally not cool of the You Can Play people to be super sexist and a lil homophobic themselves. The platform where three recently graduated college athletes, two gay men and a bisexual woman, talked about their experiences coming out as athletes was a really good idea and I think it made more of an impact on people than just having someone get up and talk about the possibility of there being gay people in the sports world, but that one guy was a real a-hole (and the guy who was in charge wasn't the most professional either). Laughingly telling a roomful of freshmen that you decided to fuck your girlfriend a lot senior year to try and convince yourself you were not gay and later following to say you feel bad for straight guys cause you get tired of listening to girls talk when you have to talk to them at bars or that all the girls in a gay bar would want you if you were the one straight guy there sort of seems like you might be shitting on girls a little bit. But let's all really be respectful of one another! Really! Also when you make sidelong comments about "aggressive" gay people at a pride parade it seems like you're not really helping your cause. But no worries, "If You Can Play (and you're a bro) You Can Play"

#2:
I am really into this guy, but he's in a fraternity and not completely out. I'm not sure how to go about asking him out when I'm not 'supposed' to know he's gay in the first place. The thing is, I see him all over campus (BC, gym, plaza, bus stop) and I really want to engage him in a conversation, but I'm not sure how. What should I do?

#3:
It makes me sad that there have been no anonymous posts in a month!!!!

#4:
http://www.dukechronicle.com/article/column-my-image-me-versus-my-image-gay Almost 10 years later it looks like many of us face this same identity crisis.

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Anonymous Posts (1.22.13-1.28.13)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

No Anonymous Posts for you this week, I'm afraid. As always, feel free to send in any thoughts or feelings you'd like to share via the sidebar on this webpage.

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Anonymous Posts (12.13.12-1.21.13)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

#1:
I'm hoping to come out pretty soon to my Duke community. Can I hear some of your stories about coming out to friends here? Was it pretty nonchalant or did you use the opportunity to foster some discussion about the topic?

#2:
“Weight”
Before coming to college, I made a pledge to myself that I’d be open, that I’d be honest. I wouldn’t hide like I did in high school. I’d be true to how I was feeling. Things would change. Things would be different. And they did. A few months into freshman year, I came out to my roommates and received nothing but support. To them, who I liked, boys, girls, it made no difference. And for all the support they gave, me, I couldn’t be more grateful. But as I come to the end of my junior year, I’m beginning to realize that college does, in fact, end, that things do, in fact, change. I’m realizing that this bubble, this pocket of liberal ideas and boundless inclusion, this world that I have been able to carefully construct for myself…it’s not eternal. Outside of my little Duke snow globe, things are different. I’ve never told anyone outside of college about my sexuality. I never came out to my parents. That’s not to say I think they’re oblivious. They know I’ve never had a girlfriend. I never even pretended to. But it’s still something we all know not to mention, because the moment someone were to, everything would change and this secret that I’ve kept so beautifully secluded in my fantasy college universe would enter into the real world. It would enter into a place where there is shame, where there’s blame, where there’s homophobia, where there’s discrimination and where there aren’t LGBT meetings one afternoon a week at The Center. In that moment, things would change. My dad would look down at the table disappointed. My mom would cry. Life would get harder; the path would get more obscure. My friend once asked me what’s the hardest thing about being gay. Was it not being accepted? Was it finding a suitable partner? I said no, because for me, I think the answer is bigger, more fundamental. When you’re gay, there is a cruel lack of weighting, a certain lack of gravity that you’re forced to contend with. The American ideal, the white picket fence and 2.1 kids, the family dog, the PTA meetings, the bake sales, the neighbors that smile as you pass on the sidewalk, they’re all possible when you’re straight. But when you’re not, it becomes an ideal you’re forced - every day - to look at but know you will be greeted by infinite obstacles if you try to touch. I’ve had nights where I dreamed that that life could be mine, that somehow I could find my way into that social gravitational pull and feel what it’s like to be on the other side, to be within the sphere of cultural “normal”, to feel what it’s like to have a path beneath my feet. I wish I didn’t have to feel like I was always floating, looking down into a world that wasn’t made for me. Before coming to college, I made a pledge to myself that I’d be open, that I’d be honest. Well, right now, the most honest desire I have in my heart is for gravity. There will be those that will say what about love? What about freedom? Well, maybe my definition of free is different. Maybe I’ll find a nice girl, and we’ll settle down and have a kid, or two. And they’ll go to school and they’ll grow up well and they’ll go play with my parents on weekends. And my parents, they’ll be happy, and they’ll be proud. And my wife and I, we’d build a life that’s simple, and we’d love each other because we’re happy in what we built together, and we’d find freedom in the fact that we’re finally living grounded and weighted.
- Yellow Saint

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Passive

Thanksgiving was last week. That holiday where the main focus is supposed to be around people you love and sharing good times. For me, Thanksgiving was about eating as much as possible while watching the football games and pretending to go to sleep so I didn't have to participate in the conversations that were going on around me. Here a few snippets of the dialogue:

"Black men go over there to Asia and marry them Chinese women because they know they can control them."

"Asian and Japanese women always get more money from the courts when they divorce a Black man because they come over here to America with no skills and can't speak English so they need the help."

"I think a bunch of faggots made up the laws about who gets what when people get divorced. There's no way in hell a REAL man would write laws that would make men give women more money."

"I'll be damned if I let a fag tell me what to do."

I tuned out other parts and tried to forget the worst.

Fun stuff isn't it? The conversation started when a member of my family mentioned how she noticed a lot of Black men in the military were marrying non-Black women. (I have no knowledge as to the validity of the statement...)

So, I sat there trying to ignore the ignorance. Focused intently on the game I was watching with my plate of Thanksgiving food piled high, I figured it'd be best for me to keep my mouth stuffed with food for fear that I'd blow a gasket and go insane from the racism and homophobia.

The more I sat in silence, the more I grew upset at myself. Why couldn't I just say something? Why sit there silently simmering about the bile being spewed in their speech when I could stand up against them? If I sit here in my (albeit, uneasy) comfort and just let it go, what right do I have to ask anyone else to speak up for me when my identity is being dragged through the muck?

I felt like a coward. That was my chance to kill two birds with one stone. I could have finally come out to my family and shown them that I fully embrace this "different person" I've become while at Duke as they like to say. I could have shown them how I learned so much more about life in general than actual knowledge gained from a textbook.

But no. I sat there. Too scared of the consequences to speak up for what is right. Too afraid of becoming the family outcast that I practically already am. Too terrified to show them the real me that hides beneath the shell of the me they used to know. I sat there taking solace in the fact that it was easier for me to ignore it until I came back to Durham than stand up and fight. I could let it all pass until I could pretend once again that the family I'm supposed to love unconditionally and put before anyone or anything else and is supposed to do the same for me doesn't actually hate everything about the real me. I could pretend that I wouldn't know how they'd react or what they'd say behind my back.

Except, now I do know. They didn't even have to tell me directly.

I hate going home.

Anonymous Posts (11.12.12-11.25.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Hey y'all!

Glad to say, we've got some anonymous posts today. Welcome back from Thanksgiving Break, and I wish you luck in these last few weeks and finals.

Now, notes from OC:


#1:
With voting power comes influence.

#2:
Today, I hesitantly kissed my girlfriend on the main quad and...nothing happened. No one said anything offensive to us, no one made a face. In fact, no one even shot us a second glance. I'm a long way away from this being completely comfortable but...this was certainly reassuring :)

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Anonymous Posts (11.5.12-11.12.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Well, we again lack any anonymous posts to put up for you today. Since we don't have anything, here's a blurb about an upcoming Women Loving Women event.


Women Loving Women is a monthly discussion group for LGBTQ (and questioning) women-identified students. This month, we will be joined by the excellent Mandy Carter, a self-described "out, southern, black, lesbian, social justice activist”! She has been organizing for social justice, racial equality, and LGBT equality for more than four decades.

She was a co-founded of Southerners On New Ground (SONG), an organization with the purpose of building a regional base of LGBTQ people to transform the region through projects and campaigns. Mandy also helped found the National Black Justice Coalition, a civil rights organization dedicated to empowering Black lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people. In 2005 Mandy was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize as one of the "1,000 Women for the Nobel Peace Prize 2005", which aimed to recognize and celebrate the impressive, yet often invisible, peace work of thousands of women around the world.

So basically, Mandy Carter is a bamf. And she’s coming to WLW! RSVP to Janie Long and not if you prefer vegetarian for dinner.
Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Limits

In calculus, we define the limit of a function f(x) as the value L that f(x) approaches as x gets close to some fixed point c. We say as x->c, f(x)->L. This value L does not have to be a part of the range of the function; it's a value that you approach as you get closer and closer to c, without actually getting to c. 

I think about limits a lot. Not because I've had to formalize the definition of a limit in my Advanced Calculus class (over, and over, and over...). No, it's not because it's such an important reference from Mean Girls. It's because I think about how close I get to speaking up, approaching a guy, and get the courage to ask him out...

and never actually do it.

It's semiformal season, and I would like to ask somebody to come with me. But the sheer thought of going up to the person I like and mincing words together that make me sound like an intelligible human being gives me chills. I've sat in my room contemplating the worst forms of rejection I could potentially face, and every time, when I realize that I'm just wasting time and energy, I become a little more courageous and approach the limit that I'm interested in evaluating. Yet when it comes to the actual execution, I retreat, and move farther away from the limit.

I like to think I know my limits. I know who is and who isn't within my options, or so I think. Every person that I've liked recently falls within my "not gonna happen" category, due to the lack of faith I have in myself. Instead of attempting to move closer to my point of interest, I try and build an open set around my current location in my development and hope to capture my limit of interest. This open set seems closed from my perspective, and I shut out everybody because I find that I'm still not ready.

I've spent the past year "free-of-thinking-about-relationships" because I needed to take care of myself. Previously, I found my relationship function going on tangent curves and taking on indeterminate values because I did not have time to evaluate my personal limits when I was scrambling to find a boyfriend. My self-esteem was on an asymptote, heading for negative infinity and lacking any hopes for increasing. Once I started taking care of myself, my functions became bounded and smoother, and I have found myself at a stable equilibrium.

But now that I've worked on improving myself, taking time to evaluate my limits, I'm back to confusion at the limit of a potential relationship as I approach this guy. I want to make sure I'm avoiding an unstable point, and getting closer and closer to building up my courage.

I'm not content with approaching the limit and getting closer and closer.

I want to reach this elusive point.

The limit unfortunately does not tell us what the function is at this point. The limit gives the behavior as you get closer and closer, but often, as is life, the function is discontinuous, and the evaluation is not the same as the limit. This is a concern in prediction, because even if the limit seems certain, no matter how "confident" I think I will be rejected, as the limit tells me, there is still the opportunity for a disjunction, and I might be happily surprised.

The curve is status quo; it's reaching beyond the toolbox of limitations that makes this so much fun.

Election Day Sadness

It's Election Day.

That means that by the end of today (hopefully) we'll know who the next president of the United States will be. There are going to be a lot of really ecstatic people and a lot of really sad and/or angry people depending on the results.

For me, I'm going to be either somewhat sad or in a stupor for the next four years. Why, AJ? Shouldn't you only be sad if Romney wins? Why wouldn't you be one of the ecstatic people if Obama wins?

Well, it's because of my friends. Not all of them, but some of them. Particularly the ones that I consider(ed?) myself close to who voted for Romney. Even if he doesn't win, it still means that people I value as close friends, people that I've shared some of the most personal parts of my life with, people who've shared personal stories with me, people whose defense I run to without a second thought, voted for a man thinks of me as a second-class citizen not worthy of equality. It means that they supported a man who thinks that single-parent homes like the one I come from are a disgrace to our great nation and are a leading cause of gun violence. It means that they care more about them keeping a little extra money per year over equal rights for everyone. It means that might rights as a gay man come second to everything else. That hurts. Immensely.

How dare my friends say "AJ, I love you and support you and will always be there for you" with their mouth but then mark away the chance I have at living an equal life to them with their hands? "I'm just voting this way because I like Romney's economic plans." Without getting into the details of that statement (To be honest, I don't know the first thing about economics and don't really believe that any person has the *right* answer on how to fix our situation), you just said that your family keeping a few extra dollars per year is more important than someone you call one of your "closest friends" being able to marry who he wants and have the same benefits as when you marry your wife and being able to see his husband in the hospital etc. "I mean, I agree that you should have equal rights but I'm really worried about the economy." EXCUSE ME?! So you're more worried about your family only being able to spend 5 days versus a week in the Hamptons next year than my rights being restricted from me for the next 4 years? Oh, you're not that wealthy? So, how's Romney plan going to help you that much anyway? I just don't get it. I, as a person, could never vote for someone who wants to limit rights for others while also making sure that those with money remain the only people with money.

But, AJ, if you voted based on social issues, why are you getting upset at others who voted based on economic issues? I'm upset because I fear that some people just use economic issues to mask how they really feel about issues. I've heard it so many times from so many people that I care about that I can't help but wonder about it. I've spent several nights staying up all night crying about things going on in my life and theirs. We've been there for each other's darkest moments and our brightest. How can we be so close yet my rights mean so little? How can they say they support me but then vote against me?

It just doesn't make sense to me and it hurts. If voting a certain way isn't going to affect your life but has a huge impact on the life of someone you say you care about, then why not vote to support them? That's what a true friend would do.

So, I'll be sad either way tonight. I'll either be sad because the person elected will do everything in his power to make sure that I'm never treated equally in this country or because people I considered friends will be upset because that man didn't win.

Anonymous Posts (10.29.12-11.5.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

No anonymous posts for you this week. This week there will be an election return watch party on Tuesday starting at 8:00 PM in the Center for LGBT Life. Swing by if you'd like to watch the results of the Presidential election with BDU.


Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Anonymous Posts (10.22.12-10.28.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Hey y'all,

I'm afraid we don't have any new posts for you today. If you haven't gone out to vote yet, do try to make it to the polls soon. The voting is in the Old Trinity Room in the West Union. Democracy can't work if we don't vote!


Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Anonymous Posts (10.15.12-10.21.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Hey y'all, hope your first week back from Fall Break went well. While it was sad to see Jess go this week, we wish her well in her new job at UNC. We're excited for her to get this exciting opportunity. Thanks for all of your work for the community here, Jess.

Now, notes from OC:


#1:
For the first time in my life I am legitimately sexually frustrated. Watching porn makes me angry because all I can think is "damn she's feeling girls and I'm stuck here with nobody" I find myself being jealous of the lesbian couples I see around campus, but I know I should be happy to see out couples enjoying themselves. I feel horrible that sex can affect me like this, but what's a
[Editor's Note: It seems like this post got cut off before it could be finished. If you're the author, you can submit a finished version to the anonymous post submission and I'll update this post as soon as I see it. I'll make sure to check the submission throughout tomorrow.]

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Anonymous Posts (10.8.12-10.14.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Hey y'all!

Hope you're having a solid fall break, catching up on sleep, destressing from midterms, etc. Our community has made a big win this past week with the updated LGBT Center design. We're excited to get to work on finalizing the design to make a great new Center for next year!

Now, notes from OC:


#1:
I want to be out so bad. I want to start dating so bad. But something still holds me back. I always thought it would be something I'd get over and that I would come out eventually, but that hasn't happened yet. Why is it taking so long? Why am I still not comfortable telling my friends (who I know will definitely accept me) that I'm gay? It's a torturous feeling.


Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Signals

[Editor's Note: Just a quick heads up y'all, tonight is a Blue Devils United general body meeting. We'll be down in the Center for LGBT Life at 7:00 PM]

A signal is a function, which varies in time and/or space, and transmits information or some phenomena. In terms of electrical engineering and signal processing, these signals have various properties that allow us to store important information in terms of discretized data points. Simply, an input signal is entered into a system, which then modifies the signal to give some response, namely the output. We are surrounded by signals: talking, lights (i.e. vision), even hormones are signals.

Another signal we often encounter...are mixed signals. Yes, I just introduced my engineering nerd credibility to talk about flirting and relationships, get over it. But I think it's something important to talk about.

Fun fact: I'm a terrible flirt. I am somebody who doesn't know when I'm flirting with somebody, and likewise, I do not know when I'm being flirted at, and usually it takes one of my introspective showers to realize that I was flirting with some guy...two years ago. At the same point, I think we develop personal filters that block out certain mixed signals or transform signals to our own psychological fit.

As somebody who has struggled with self image, reading Jacob Tobia's fantastic article on HuffPo inspired me to write this post. Mentioned above, a very common signal we are faced with is sight. The photons that are reflected off of our body, clothing, hair, etc. are received by our eyes, and then our brain, the system in this case, modifies the signal into what we perceive, the attractiveness of others. It seems like such a simple process, but with profound outputs. How can light so radically divide the LGBT community? How does the brain process the images that can sink our self-esteem?

Jacob raises some great points about why this case. But since I'm a nerd, I think of it as such: Our brains are a system with a certain response function, call it h(t). This function has been warped by the images that surround us in popular culture so that, when x(t), the input (i.e. visual signals) are modified by h(t), they are convoluted with this external notions of attractiveness (by the way, convolutions are actually a term in signal processing, indicated by x(t)*h(t)). Now again, there is nothing wrong with being fit, in shape, six-pack abs and so on, but why does this have to be the only anticipated output, when not every person fits this mold?

I think it's worth looking at how our response functions filter out certain people based on appearance. Or even based on how stupidly we (read: I) flirt with others (or unknowingly flirt). Sometimes there are mixed signals or visual signals, but intertwined with those signals is superimposed information that's worth knowing.

Anonymous Posts (10.1.12-10.7.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Hey y'all!

No anonymous posts for you this week! I hope you get through your last week of classes before fall break. Remember, the Center for LGBT Life is doing Coming Out day this Thursday from 11:00 AM to 2:00 PM on the BC plaza. Come by for Love = Love T-shirts. Better yet, volunteer to make sure you get one, because they go pretty fast! BDU will also be at Coming Out Day, tabling on the plaza.

Anonymous Posts (9.24.12-9.30.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Hey there! I hope all of you who came out to pride enjoyed yourselves, despite all of that rain. We've definitely heard a lot of positive feedback about our presence there. We wish you the best of luck on your upcoming midterms (if you have any) and give you these anonymous posts:

#1:
I'm gay. It's not something that I can be open about, especially to my family, and it's something that I rarely bring up around my friends, or even people I know pretty well. I don't think I've thought of it as something that people should know upright, as something of a status that I post on facebook : "interested in: women," or about any of my past relationships either. I'm gay, but it's not something that I try to think about all the time. College is hard. Classes are challenging. Life and all the things that it throws at you; tests and midterms and school assignments, stress and more stress; I feel like there isn't any time for this. If there's some one out there who I can love and be happy with, I'm sure that we'll meet eventually. For the time being, I don't know what to do else other than whatever I have time for outside of classes. and stress. I don't know.


#2:
An article about "gaycism". This is something I think everyone needs to read. Click here.

How the Other Half Lives

*Author’s note – Sorry, this needs to be reworked into a few posts that will touch upon a couple different issues.  For now, here is what I have so far.

“How the other half lives,” I thought to myself as I drove out of state to an away fraternity formal as someone’s date this past spring.  I’ve more or less shunned Greek life on campus throughout my time here, but when a mutual friend triangulated an invitation to an away fraternity formal, I decided I’d tag along.  After all, it’s not too often a non-Greek male gets to experience the inner workings of the brotherhood without having to pledge or be deemed worthy in any way whatsoever.

I actually ended up having an amazing time and my date was great about everything.  Outdoors and pool by day, dinner and dance by night.  And at the end of the day, people ended up being a lot more receptive to me being there than I had expected going into the adventure.  The positive treatment I received can be attributed to any number of reasons, but three stick out in my mind: 

1)   People really liked and respected my date and were willing to temporarily suspend their perceived stereotypes of gays and view us as an exception rather than as a norm.

2)   People were homophobic but unwilling to vocalize to the group how uncomfortable they were, at least in front of us.

3)   People were completely supportive and genuinely enjoyed having us there.

While I hope everyone at that formal was comfortable with two males carving up the dance floor to Jessie’s Girl, I know thoughts #1 and #2 were prevalent as well.   I’ve found this indicative of my Duke experience. 

Homophobia doesn’t build as much social capital as it used to.  Just watch 21 Jump Street.  I’m proud that I can live in a day and age where Dukies have to at least pretend to be allies and tolerant human beings in order to be respected, at least during daylight hours.  But when the sun goes down and the drinks come out, all of a sudden you hear offensive words, see crude gestures, and feel like you are in a completely different world.  It’s #1 and #2 coming out. 

I’m not sure if people realize to what degree #1 and #2 still exist on this campus.  It’s not a bad thing that kids don’t feel like they need the LGBT center for protection and refuge anymore.  It’s great that LGBT students assimilate into many groups around campus and that people are able to be out and place their sexual orientation relatively low on their identifier list. 

When I first came out, I was all about distancing myself from the LGBT community.  I’m not like that, I don’t go to pride, I’m not flamboyant, I like sports, I like appearing straight.  And you know what?  I could pass.  It’s easier and less stressful.  I was all about being that exception, the kid that was gay but not really gay.  And I hoped that if enough people would come along and like sports and act masculine and discard Lady Gaga and unicorns and rainbows and v-necks, stereotypes would vanish and LGBT would finally be accepted.

Then I grew up and realized how messed up that view was... To Be Continued

Anonymous Posts (9.17.12-9.23.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

We're again lacking any Anonymous Posts for you this week, I'll just give you a quick update about what's going on in the LGBT Community this week.

First, a quick update on new features for the blog. You may have noticed that just under the banner for the website we now have have another tab that says "About Blue Devils United." This takes you to a new page that has a brief statement about the goals of Blue Devils United (the Undergraduate LGBTQA Student Group) and email links to the officers of the current exec board. If you ever need to get in touch with any of us, feel free to send us an email. Also, many of you may have noticed that the authors listing in the sidebar which used to let you sort posts by author is gone. While this could not be fixed, it has been replaced by the search window in the upper right hand corner of the webpage.

In other news, this Tuesday the LGBT Center will be holding an Ally Training at 5:30 PM in the LGBT Center. This is the sort of thing you have to RSVP to, so call or email Jess Evans if you want to join that. 

Annnnnnd of course I'd be silly if I forgot to mention pride. The LGBT Center will have a float in the Pride Parade. Meet us near Domino's BEFORE 12:00 if you want to get a spot on the float. If you don't get a spot on the float, don't worry about it, there'll be plenty of room for you to walk in front of the float. All are welcome!

Stereotypes Are Fun!

At least, I think they are. 

At Monday's meeting of Man to Man*, there was a discussion about stereotypes, how we deal with them, and where they come from.

I spoke about how I like to play into some stereotypes of a gay male. One such stereotype being that we are all incredibly knowledgeable and into fashion. We are all fantabulous, impeccable dressers with great taste and a natural flare for clothing. Some gay men might hate this stereotype because it doesn't describe them at all. Others may not mind it much because they actually do have a passion for fashion. I, on the other hand, like to think that I fall somewhere in the middle. While I do enjoy dressing nicely and think I do a pretty good job at matching colors, I know next to nothing about actual fashion (You're wearing a Gucci suit? Is that a special kind like a two- or three-button?). And, I know what I like and what I think looks good. So, every once in a while, I'll see a girl walk by with a really fierce pair of shoes on and I'll exclaim a somewhat high-pitched "YYYYYYAAAAAAASSSSS GURL! You are WERKING those shoes!" or something to that effect. 

It actually took me a while to realize that I was actually doing this. There was nothing wrong with it though. The girl always appreciated the compliment and it was just my way of being nice. But why would I say it in such a flamboyant manner? There's nothing wrong with doing things in a flamboyant manner, but it just wasn't something that I did. I never thought of myself as having that aspect to my personality. I started wondering whether it was actually a part of my personality that I was just becoming more familiar and comfortable with or if it was just me performing the stereotype that was prescribed to me. I sort of came to the conclusion that it was just me developing who I am as a person and even if this new aspect was foreign to me, I should totally embrace it.

And I do. But why did it cause me so much trouble? Well, because I like to think of myself as a stereotype breaker. From my childhood, I was told of the different stereotypes of Black men raised in poverty that I would never fall into if my mom had anything to do about it. I wasn't going to be a high school drop out, drug dealer, gang member who ends up in jail. I was going to defy what society said, statistically speaking, was going to happen to me. And so, I adopted that into every aspect of my life, including my sexuality. I wanted to defy every stereotype possible and leave people constantly guessing, never quite sure how to fit me into their narrow box of who they thought I should be or how I should act.

Which leads me to why I think stereotypes are fun. I think they're fun because you can play with them. You can confuse the heck out of people when you warp the stereotypes they already have about you. I've done it and it's so much fun. You can actually see their mental CPU saying DOES NOT COMPUTE! You can watch their facial expressions as they try to deal with the overload. And it's so much fun! For example, I can drop a really flamboyant line about how I love your outfit and then turn around and name all of the NFL teams. But wait, I'm gay right? So I'm not supposed to know football. *brain implodes*

It's all about finding power in those stereotypes, using that with which they try to limit us as a source of strength. It's in this that we can find solace and security. Instead of feeling trapped by the stereotypes that don't fit me (because, let's be honest, I know that I do fit some stereotypes but not others), I throw them back in the face of whoever is trying to give it to me. I mean, isn't that the reason we all hate stereotypes? Because people think that they apply to everyone one, but they don't. So, I think of it as my job to set the record straight (lolz) and tell them where the line is and not to cross it again. And it doesn't have to be done in a mean, angry way. I'm a huge fan of a subtle, snarky retort that let's them know they're wrong and you don't like it but it's ok. Just be more careful next time.

All I'm saying is that stereotypes are harmful for everyone. People hate it when they get stereotyped and those who do the stereotyping will never know they're wrong unless us stereotyped people show them. So, let's help each other out.

*Shameless plug: If you are a GBTQ male, I cannot urge you enough to at least come to one meeting of Man to Man. It's the perfect place to talk about issues that affect men in the community. There's always a great discussion and I promise you won't regret it. 

Anonymous Posts (9.10.12-9.16.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

 Unfortunately, we do not have any anonymous posts for this week. If you've got some thoughts you'd like to write up and send in, just use the link in the header for this post. Instead, I'm going to share a link to the Chronicle article about our demands for a better center. For the article, click here. For the editorial, click here. Thanks for reading y'all!

Also note that tonight is the first meeting of Man to Man, a discussion group for GBTQ male identified students. Be sure to swing by at 6:00 to the LGBT Center for some discussion on things that affect GBTQ men on campus.

Tomorrow will be the first meeting of Our Lives, the general discussion open to any student who wishes to come. We will be starting at 6:00 in the LGBT Center and all you need to bring is an open mind and your experiences.

Unnatural

When it comes to nucleotides and amino acids, evolutionary processes have led us to four bases and twenty amino acids that are utilized in our everyday biological chemistry. Even better, this is also universal: with very few exceptions, all organisms across all domains of life use these same nucleotides and amino acids to form DNA and proteins that guide our functions. The chemistry of amino acids and nucleotides aren't too complicated (although if you're in Bio201, biochem, or anything of the sort you might disagree with me); with some minor tweaks and substitutions, it is simple to construct new nucleobases and synthetic amino acids that, while novel, are unnatural, and do not conform to the central dogma of molecular biology.

I arrived to campus two years ago, and I felt like an unnatural amino acid: out of place, weird, and synthetic. I was putting on a face that was going to get me through college. I had to pretend to be "natural." Straying away from the chemistry, I was shy and unsure of what college was about to throw at me. My introversion kept me indoors, avoiding parties, and wondering about what I was missing. I wanted to incorporate myself into the Duke mainstream, but every time I tried for the first month, I felt rejected. Coming from high school where I was well liked, college was a different feeling as I searched for acceptance. No matter how much I attempted to conform to the Duke "culture," even the "culture" within the LGBTQ community, I felt unnatural.

Synthetic amino acids are peculiar because when substituted for a natural amino acid in proteins, they can shut down the protein's function and destroy the native structure. In addition, synthetic nucleotides can incorporate mutations into DNA if included in DNA synthesis and replication. Well, this is exactly how I felt coming in to Duke. Even if I wanted to fit into the community, I wouldn't contribute anything, or I would screw something up, both personally and communally. What did I know about LGBTQ activism? I had only been out for five months. What meaningful relationships could I form? I'm too awkward to interact with people, and how would I even be remembered? Me, the unnatural amino acid, wouldn't survive selective pressures and I would get flushed out as unimportant or extraneous.

Yet here I am, two years later, still writing for this fantastic blog that has been such an important part of my Duke career and my stable integration into the LGBTQ community. Remember how I said unnatural amino acids and nucleotides are, well..."unnatural"? How I said that they can stop a protein from functioning or mutate DNA? Well, these are true statements, in some regards. However, unnatural amino acids have been show to improve immunogenic response to self proteins that are involved in autoimmune disorders and could stop inflammation and toxic shock response. Unnatural nucleotides are used in a specific assay to detect very small amounts of viral DNA to see if HIV or HCV is dormant, on the rise, or eliminated. And the utility of these two synthetic biology tools is only increasing, not only for medical advances, but also to improve basic sciences research and develop a better understanding of ourselves and the origins of life.

I realized that being "unnatural" did not mean that I had no role in this community. In fact, as I cited at the beginning, being novel may mean the same as unnatural, but my novelty provided something new to the university and this blog (I mean, who else has a post centered around synthetic biology?). I had to find my niche, and it wasn't the easiest task, but I did find my way. Particularly, writing for this blog has been my way of reaching out to Duke in ways that I can't do by being an engineer, or by being a researcher, and especially by being an introvert. Being a novel, "unnatural," and unique amino acid or nucleotide may just be the tool this community needs to thrive and survive. There is no Duke or LGBTQ "culture" that is supplemented by a few nutrients. The LGBTQ community does not fit one mold, nor four, nor even twenty molds, and conforming to one of these set structures isn't going to advance us. As we welcome a new class of students to Duke, each person needs to appreciate their differences and embrace how we can come together and build a stable community. We need more unnaturalness to progress, so that the DNA strand can hold new structures, and so the peptide chain folds in new ways and confers new functions.

Hopefully I didn't go too crazy with this extended metaphor, but I'm always available to talk (especially if it's on the synthetic biology) via email. To the new class, welcome to Duke, and to the old, welcome back!