May 21, 2012

Anonymous Posts (5.14.12-5.20.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Hey y'all, hope you're enjoying your summers. We've got one post for you today, so enjoy.

Here you go:

I've been to many other forums and talked to a lot of people, but I haven't found much help. A few years ago, I came out as being bisexual. I was interested in men, sexually and emotionally, and the same went for women. As time when on, I found that my interest in women was dwindling, so I started thinking, "Maybe I'm more gay than anything else". I started getting involved with guys, but I was struck by some episodes of impotence, which were pretty embarrassing. The thing is, I had more fun with those guys than most of my straight hook ups. But then why wasn't my penis cooperating with me? I think it made me afraid to be physical with a guy; I haven't done more than kiss another guy since then. When I've hooked up with girls, it's physically satisfying, but I feel like I'm lying to myself somehow after I finish. There are dozens of other oddities in terms of how I've been approaching relationships, but I could go on and on about all that confusion, so I'll just keep it short: It seems that my brain wants to be with men, while my penis only responds to women. How the hell am I supposed to get involved with anyone on any level if this is how I operate?

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).


  1. I had kind of a similar problem but I soon got over it. Maybe its just the fear of actually hookin up with a guy that is giving you the problem, that's what it was for me and timed/fully accepting myself fixed that problem. I noticed that I thought I had fully accepted myself as gay but I still hadn't fully made peace with the idea in my head.

  2. Wait. Actually. I just explored this with a friend today. I'm a woman who is mostly emotionally attracted to women, but the most physically satisfying experience I ever had was with a man who I wasn't really emotionally attracted to at all. On the other hand, I'm not physically attracted to any of the women to whom I'm emotionally attracted (I'm also not very physically attracted to men). In all of my one-night hook ups, except the aforementioned best one (which lasted a while), the chemistry either fizzled or never existed in the first place.

    Today, my friend challenged me to think about whether I was afraid of being with women in that way. While I think it's plausible, I don't actually know.

    I'm sorry that I don't have any good advice. But I get what you're saying because it's the same issue that I'm struggling with (and have been for some time). I'm hopeful that with enough personal work, my emotional and physical attraction will someday match up.

  3. I find that I masturbate and get off to ALL kinds of crazy things that I would never ever pursue a relationship with in a million years! so I guess my thoughts would be just that-sometimes orgasmic impulse doesn't line up right away with the person we feel we "like". for me it took me a bit of time to finally orgasm with some of my partners-maybe just will be a matter of time!