This Weekend!Full Frame Film Festival and LGBT Related Movies

Hey all,
I just wanted to alert everyone about the Full Frame Film Festival happening this weekend in Durham (it actually opened tonight). This is The Festival's 13th year.

I was going through the list of featured films and saw some had LGBT themes. Here's a brief list I compiled with synopses (directly from the site) and their respective showtime information. Just to be clear, I've not seen any of these and I'm not "endorsing" any of them or their viewpoints. Though, hopefully some of you will be able to attend one or more over the weekend. Be sure to let us know what you thought of it! You could even write blog post review of the film! Tickets are $10 each...see this link for more information.

My Two Cents

This has been a popular topic of interest as of late and I haven't chimed in before, but I'd like to offer my two cents.

I don’t know if I’m considered part of the ‘in crowd’ or not, but I’ve definitely felt like part of the ‘out crowd’ before. There's been at least one occassion when I popped into The Center to see what was going on and left soon thereafter. In between, I stood uncomfortably and felt really out of place. As my Duke career has continued on, I’ve gotten more and more involved.

The first thing I did related to The Center was to stop by early on in my freshman year to see what they offered in terms of resources and programming and stuff. I met Chris Purcell, who showed me around and introduced me to Janie (who I still didn’t really know personally until this semester). I don’t think I went back until the spring (still a freshman) when I attended to an ally training event. At the end of the year, around this time, I helped table for National Day of Silence because it was something I did in high school and wanted to continue to do. I think I might have made an appearance at a BDU meeting or two last year, as well…but they weren’t particularly great experiences. It still felt like everyone knew everyone else and I didn’t quite fit.

This year, I made it to a BDU meeting at the beginning and made it to some (but not all) subsequent ones thereafter. I started blogging as a way to contribute to the community on my own time and I got really involved with the anti-hate speech campaign. Since then things have really changed for the better. I’ve even recently started hanging out in the back room during chunks of down time in my day.

I’m sorry for that long explanation, but I wanted you to understand the evolution and spectrum of my experiences with The Center. I haven’t always been around or involved in all the ways that I currently am.

From my limited experiences, the best advice I have, and this doesn’t necessarily apply to # 1 but may apply to individuals who are really looking to be involved, is to join a committee and work on a specific project. BDU meetings alone don’t really introduce you to people and don’t facilitate making relationships with others. However, working on a project for BDU, much like working on a group project for a class, gave me a space to get to know a small number of individuals on a more personal level. For me, it was less intimidating to be a newbie in that smaller setting. And, because I was working on something I was really passionate about I felt comfortable just being myself. Getting to know those individuals opened the door for me to get to know others. I don’t know everyone…I’m constantly meeting new people in the back room or at a BDU meeting, but I feel really comfortable in the space that The Center creates.

To #1, to address why you “should go”: I don’t actually think every LGBTQA identified individual has to go to The Center or be involved with BDU or whatever, so I don't really feel comfortable telling you that "you should go." I do hope, though, that The Center meets everyone-who-is-looking-for-that-kind-of-space-or-community’s needs. I, personally, really value having a community focused around something that is a part of my life. A comparable example is my involvement with the Freeman Center for Jewish Life. There, and at The Center, I can engage in activities and conversations that I can’t (necessarily) do/have with my friends in my block or from my freshman dorm or, to a somewhat lesser extent, my classes. Whether it’s campaigning against hate speech or celebrating the Jewish Sabbath, these are things I love to talk and think about and to act on, but that I couldn’t do on my own or with friends I may know from elsewhere. If you can have these experiences with your group of friends then you don’t need The Center to fill a void for you. But for me, it fills a really important void. Or, if you have no burning desire to have these experiences, then that’s perfectly okay, too! Lastly, I can’t say enough about the kind of individuals I’ve met through BDU and/or The Center. These individuals are quirky, passionate, original, genuine and down to earth--some of the qualities that I value most in my friends. They are real. I don’t mean to be Debbie Downer or knock the rest of the Duke population, but I haven’t found that anywhere else (if you disagree, please show me what I’m missing on campus).

[stay tuned for a sports related column soon...sorry!]

---

Viviana Santiago, Professional Baller: Today, Vivi wrote a letter to the Chronicle regarding the BSAI Step Off two weeks ago. Some things were said there that most definitely needed to be addressed. It is important to recognize though, that like Vivi says, her letter should not be an end to this conversation, but rather the beginning. (More on what happened that weekend coming soon).

To #1, Or how I learned to stop worrying and love the Center

[This is kind of out of the ordinary, but we got this anonymous entry today in response to another one that was posted on Monday. I figured it was time sensitive and also WAY too long to go in our regular post for next Monday so I'm just posting it now!]

As a non-Greek woman at Duke, I have a complicated relationship with sororities. A lot of women I sincerely admire and respect are members of them. But, during the wonderful day known as “Bid Day”, I find myself cringing at all their high-pitched wailing of Greek letters.

Now, I didn’t join a sorority, because like a lot of non-Greeks, I possessed an image in my mind of what a sorority girl was supposed to look and act like. I didn’t feel like I would belong, so I found alternative social circles to devote myself to. Honestly, I can say that I love the people I spend time with and I don’t regret my decision to not participate in Greek life. However, thinking about the justification behind my decision to refrain from sororities reveals some intriguing parallels with the common reasons people give for not coming to the Center. In this post, I hope to articulate my understanding of the current divide in the Duke LGBTQA community between Center “regulars” and Center “non-goers”. At the end, I also hope to provide an engaging incentive to attend Center programs other than “give us another try, we promise we’ll try to talk to you.”

Before I start, let me preface by saying that I am devotedly loyal to the Center. I work there, I socialize there, I eat there, etc. So yes, I am biased in favor of the Center, but give me a chance and hear me out.

From what I can discern, there are two main reasons why people don’t come to the Center. These reasons are not necessarily mutually exclusive and of course there are tons of other reasons why people don’t attend Center events. However, the two main ones I most commonly come across are:

1. Personal apprehension with being “visible”

2. Exclusivity

The first reason is a complicated one that most need to overcome individually. Of course, personal apprehension with being out could be alleviated with having a better and more inclusive campus culture. However, what I’m really interested in is the exclusivity that is associated with the Center.

What do people mean when they say that Fab Fridays are “exclusive”? Well, on a simple level, they mean cliques, coteries, the “in-crowd”. On a deeper level, they also may be referring to the behavior norms of Duke’s LGBT community.

It’s no secret that any community will have community “norms”—for better or worse. Norms include language, common interests, clothing style, you get the point. I think part of the reason some people don’t want to come to the Center is that they feel that they won’t fit in. Nobody wants to feel marginalized for not following the norm in larger society only to find that they are also outside the norms of a smaller community. Just as I had a preconceived image in my mind of what norms a sorority girl must follow, I think many students have an image of what queer life at the Center is.

Now, the LGBT community both at Duke and in the larger context (contrary to popular belief, there is a world beyond these gothic, pollinated borders) is unique in a lot of aspects, but it is especially distinct when it comes to norms of behavior. Usually, I believe you can’t rightfully criticize a community for having norms. Yes, you can challenge them, question them, fight them. But you can’t criticize a community for actually having a set of norms to operate in. In other words, you can challenge the law, break the law, fight the law. But you can’t criticize the existence of laws. Some of you anarchists may disagree with me, but I tend to think that having some sort of legal system is probably a smart thing for a civilization to have.

This principle of having a common set of norms holds for every community, except when it comes to the LGBT community. We are a group of people whose very existence challenges the propriety and utility of gender norms. In this same vein, I find it incredibly regressive when, as a community, we try to regulate how gay men and lesbians are supposed to act. For example, we shouldn’t use a love of Lady Gaga or the Indigo Girls as an indicator of someone’s sexual orientation. Sure, it’s funny. Maybe it may even be true most of the time. But, it’s still backwards to our mission as a community: to prove that sexuality cannot be embodied or encapsulated by mere physical appearance.

So how does this relate to me not joining a sorority and the Center in any way?

Well, even though I don’t regret my decision not to join a sorority, I do regret my reasons for doing so. I gave Greek life an unfair image without ever giving it half a chance to prove me otherwise. And, as someone recently pointed out to me, if my perception of sorority norms was so troublesome, I should have done more to engage with and change the norms.

So if you don’t come to the Center because you don’t particularly care for Lady Gaga and you don’t think you fit the community norms, I give you a personal challenge. We at the Center will do our best to reach out. But meet us halfway and challenge the way we define ourselves. The more diverse individuals with diverse interests we get, the better. With every new face and new personality at social events, the closer we are to proving that the LGBTQA community is more than the way we dress or the music we like. This is a truth that we must convey to the larger community, but, more importantly, to ourselves. See you at the next Fab Friday, Women Loving Women discussion, and/or Blue Devils United meeting :D.

-Michelle

Blog Meeting Tomorrow Night!

BDU Blog Meeting, Tomorrow Night

Wed. April 7 at 6PM

Kilgo J216

All are welcome!

I know I originally said that the meeting would be tonight, but I sort of forgot it'd be my birthday? Yeah. But! We're on for tomorrow in my room. Also, it's three hours earlier, People On Central!

Anonymous Posts(3.29.10-4.4.10)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)

So last night we won the 2010 National Championship in Men's basketball. Cameron Indoor was packed and went absolutely nuts when we won. It was exhilarating to participate in my 3rd bonfire celebration at Duke.

Having said that, I feel as if this is an appropriate venue to express how bittersweet it is for me to beat Butler. Y'all might not know this, but two of my husbands are actually on their team - Gordon Hayward and Coach Brad Stevens. It's tough to console them after a loss like this, but what's really important is that we have each other (I hope Scheyer doesn't read this. It'd make for a pretty awkward date tonight).

Anyhow! Lot's of anonymous posts this week. Keep 'em coming!

#1

Hi BDU blog,

Firstly, let me say how much I enjoy reading this blog. Keep up the good work! Now, I would like to address a recent anonymous post and the discussion it seems to have stirred up. Let me give you my perspective: I'm a gay guy who has been out for a while, and I'm someone who is quite secure with my own sexual and social identity. I have a couple of gay friends who have all urged me to go to Fab Friday, but here's the thing: I've heard a lot about the cliqueness of the LGBT Center. What especially worries me is the angst I hear from a couple of regular attendees about how even they feel really excluded sometimes and how the entire environment oftentimes seems to be pretty Mean Girls-esque. Now, as I mentioned earlier, I am very happy socially with both my close friends and my extended social circle, and I suppose one might classify my social life as that of a stereotypical/traditional Duke student, except for the fact that I'm gay. My question that I would like to pose is this: as someone who is generally socially content, what reason do I have to go to the LGBT Center? It seems like there's a whole lot of y'all that are really passionate about the place, but I don't want to have a horror-story experience. Moreover, I really just don't get what my motivation should be for going. What do I stand to gain from going? I would really appreciate a response from anyone who has an opinion on this.

Thanks!

[Ed. Note: Great question, Number 1. A lot of us do really talk up The Center quite a bit. For me, personally, it is a place where I can always find some of my friends. The staff there - Peg, Janie and Chris - are so much fun and helpful. Always. It's hard to articulate, but I guess it's sort of an on-campus home for me, replete with parents and siblings :) As mentioned, we're truly working on the cliquiness - we don't mean to be!

But! But. The Center is not the only way to get involved with The Community on campus. It might not be for you right now! Clearly it's not the easiest thing to walk in to your first time without knowing anyone. But there is also Blue Devils United, our advocacy group on campus that meets every other Wednesday at 6 in The Center (not this week, but next). Those meetings are much more low-key in my opinion. Also! There is also the LGBT discussion group (I'm not sure if those are done for the semester, though, I'll ask) and of course our awesome BLOG that is meeting TONIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT (stay tuned for details!).]

#2

I am so frustrated. Don't get me wrong, I like being gay. I love loving women, because they are amazing. But so often I find myself falling for straight girls-or really, just girls in general on this campus, and it's SO FRUSTERATING because I have to just accept that it will never amount to anything. I feel like I am in a continuous cycle of liking girls who don't, and could *never* like me back, for reasons that they can't even control.

It's like I'm getting burnout. I'm burnout of always liking straight girls. Falling in love and just knowing that it's not reciprocated. Period. I know that, yes, maybe a nice gay girl will come along and I'll like her as much as I like all these straight girls, and then maybe I'll be lucky enough to have her like me too. But it's not too likely. And I'm not too keen on dating a girl I meet at the Center because there's so few of us and it would just make things so awkward.

And while I sit here and wait for me to meet that special someone, my heart just feels like it can't take this eternal singledom anymore. But it has to.

And in the mean time, it's falling left and right for straight girls.

[Ed. Note: This is kind of superfrustrating. I hear you, #2. You are describing, uh, all of high school and a good chunk of Duke for me. Patience I guess is really all that I can preach, as shitty as it makes me feel doing so. But bah! to being reluctant to date someone you met at The Center. They're My Favorites, and HOT COMMODS. You'd be doing yourself a disservice!]

#3

i compulsively submit anonymous posts.

[Ed. Note: Haha, I compulsively love you? All the time? Is that possible?]

#4

Even though you're gay, everytime you affirm my role in the community as an ally (implying/assuming that I'm straight) it just means that I'll be less likely to talk to you about my sexuality. There's a reason I don't flaunt my heterosexuality--and it isn't just because I think that that's a shitty thing to do. It's also because I don't really know if I am.

[Ed. Note: Oh, hey, #4. This is really important, and to be honest, this is a perspective or sentiment that I'd never thought of before. I've actually heard the opposite, more often, I think - that straight allies are constantly assumed to be LGBTQ. But definitely your situation is just as, well, oppressive. I really value posts like this because they help us as a Community improve in ways that I don't think we'd come up with on our own. /mush]

#5

So... I'm a little late, but I wanted to thank everyone involved in the no hate speech campaign recently. I went to a rural high school where one of my good friends was almost daily confronted with hate speech because of their sexuality... though I'm afraid it happens every where. =\ I was glad to see such a well put together event/posters bringing this problem to everyone's attention. Also, I was pretty impressed/ mesmerized by the rainbow cupcakes!! They were amazing. How did you get those perfect layers!?! ...my baking skills (i.e. boiling water) don't quite compare. =) Good work BDU!

[Ed. Note: NUMBER 5, I KNOW. The cupcakes! Apparently it was a very involved process and hopefully someone who was involved in the baking process can explain what went down. Thank you, though! Everyone did do an absolutely great job with what was like you said, a very important campaign.]