[Editor's Note: On Friday, April 20th, the LGBTQ and Ally community came together at Lavender Graduation to celebrate the senior class of 2012. Today is Duke's graduation, and we would like to honor our outgoing seniors. We are indebted to them for their contributions to this Community and this campus and they will undoubtedly be missed. Below is the speech that Kyle Knight gave at Lavender Graduation last month. Kyle is a Trinity 2008 graduate, the current president of the LGBT Alumni Network, and is Fulbright Fellow in Nepal researching the LGBTI rights movement.]
What I treasure most about the work I do is that I’m surrounded every day by people who are unquestionably more impressive than I’ll ever be. Their story, their struggle, their triumph is not just an inspiration, but a constant reminder that the world can be a cruel place – and also contain beautiful things.
So today, I want to share a few stories from halfway around the world, and propose how they might inform some decisions we in this room can and will make.
In 2001, a young gay man named Sunil Pant returned home to Nepal, a country in the middle of a violent revolution that would eventually claim nearly 13,000 lives. He had been away for the beginning of the conflict – first, at engineering college in Belarus, then at a short-term job in Japan. In Belarus, above the doors of health clinics across the country, he read “beware of homosexuals;” in Tokyo, he found semi-secret gay bookstores, bars, and cafes – and in them, queer people to talk with.
Back in Kathmandu, he started visiting a dusty park in the middle of the city every night. It was a place where people could congregate in public without the threat of anyone noticing them. They could meet, they could chat, they could cruise.
In his conversations with gays, lesbians, and transgender people he met there, he began to notice patterns: people were kicked out of their families, people were abused by the police, people saw no hope for their lives going forward.
So in September of 2001, while Nepal was distracted by a recent massacre of the royal family, and the world was distracted by the 9/11 attacks, he went to the government to register his country’s first ever LGBT rights organization. The official who took the application was thrilled: “fantastic! We need an organization to convert these people back to heterosexuality!”
That wasn’t exactly what he had in mind, so he rescinded the application, but returned a few days later and filed the same papers with one line different: the organization was dedicated not to rights, but to health outreach and HIV prevention.
It was approved immediately.
Today, eleven years later, the organization, Blue Diamond Society, has nearly a thousand employees; Sunil is the only openly-gay federal-level politician in Asia; and the country has some of the most progressive laws – particularly when it comes to gender identity – the world has ever seen.
Now it’s easy – and perhaps tempting – to sit here half a world away in awe of this vibrant queer human rights movement in the world’s seventeenth poorest country. We can gasp and think “how on earth did they do it?!” In fact, I suspect that exact line of thinking – that awe – explains why I’m living there now, why the Fulbright Commission thought this was a valid project among dozens of applications.
There are plenty of ways to explain it: cultural, historical, political, legal. But after having spent nearly a year day in, day out with the activists responsible for this progress, the message I want to extract and share today is simpler. They did it by acting out courage, creativity, and, to sustain those two admirable pursuits, curiosity.
First: courage.
Two weeks ago, I woke up on a Saturday morning to a friend calling me with news that a transgender sex worker had been murdered. She was taken to the hospital, and died as doctors treated the wound on her forehead.
5 minutes after the phone call, this friend picked me up and carried me across the city on his motorcycle to the police station.
For three hours, members of the queer community, friends of the deceased, her family, and her church pastor pleaded with the police commanders to conduct a thorough investigation. There was yelling, there was crying, there was begging for due process. The police made vague promises, but couched them in comments such as “well if harassment happens from our officers, it’s probably because they don’t really understand what you people are,” and “of course if she was carrying condoms, she would get harassed – she’s a whore.”
The meeting concluded without any tangible progress, the group filed out into the parking lot where an ambulance waited with the casket inside. We walked about half a mile to a deer park near the airport, and watched as her brothers and cousins dug a hole. Over two hundred people gathered to sing, pray, and listen. The pastor delivered the Lord’s Prayer. And friends poured gifts of flowers and small bills into the casket. Some cried; many took photos on cell phones and chatted casually.
What does this say about courage? People, powerful people, people with money - have told the activists in Nepal for years to back off of cases like this: “Stay away from the prostitutes and other people who live on the margins of society because they undermine the cause.” The activists’ response has always been: but they face abuses, human rights violations, and horrendous marginalization. We won’t abandon them to fight instead for LGBT people who have jobs and salaries and security.
That’s courage.
Next: creativity.
In 2006, when the king stepped down and the people’s revolution ended in Nepal, one of the leaders of the revolution reached out to the LGBT community for votes. Once his party was elected and he became a powerful minister, they went back to him with a request of their own: put us in the budget.
He hesitated. No government had ever officially acknowledged this population before. But he was a revolutionary, an ideologue, and a few days later, a pile of dense academic texts appeared on his desk – arguing for him that Marx and Lenin cared about queer human rights. Weeks later, “sexual and gender minorities” was the newest budget line in the fledgling country. Today, they’re using this money to build the first LGBT community center in South Asia.
That’s creativity.
And finally: curiosity.
Next week, the US Embassy in Kathmandu will co-host a seminar with LGBT organizations to discuss disaster risk reduction considerations for the queer population.
This all came out of curiosity. We’ve seen LGBT people suffer in the wake of disasters. In Haiti after the earthquake, in an effort to empower women, some food aid was distributed to women only, which left out households that didn’t contain women. In Pakistan’s recent floods, transgender people were denied entry to relief camps because their appearance didn’t match that on their ID cards.
But beyond being concerned about protecting themselves post-disaster situations, networks of LGBT people in Nepal want to know how, through empowerment and recognition, they can be a resource for other marginalized communities. For example, since the LGBT community has been so successful in working on both visible policy and an invisible grassroots, how can they help people living with HIV access medication and health care if an earthquake destroys thousands of miles of roads and bridges?
These are the questions they are asking. This is curiosity.
And when work, activism, exploration driven by these ideas, it can free us from the traps of competitive progress.
Because whether it’s on a university campus or in the city you move to for your first job, or in a faraway country where you find yourself at the wise old age of 26, it’s not about fighting over who is the most oppressed group, who suffers the most at the whims of the powerful. It’s about identifying the structures of oppression that hurt our communities - and uniting to erode and eradicate them.
It’s not easy; just observe and it seems as if ranking and marking others is in human DNA.
I hear it in fancy restaurants in Kathmandu – when wealthy, Western-educated high-caste gay men deride the local LGBT rights movement for focusing too much on “low class trans people.”
We see it in the Wall Street firms that promote themselves as being open and “gay-friendly,” then implement policies harmful enough to ignite thousands of occupiers against their greed.
And we see it here at Duke – when admissions promotes the University as “need-blind” but still asks all applicants to check a box on the application if they want to be considered for financial aid.
Sure, we have to be courageous. But courage is not enough – courage can cause tunnel vision. Be creative. But creativity is not enough – creativity can cause irrelevant actions. Combine these, and be curious – ask what’s next, and what we might not be doing well enough, for ourselves and for our fellow citizens.
Duke has this energy, this tradition. And while it might be overlooked for traditions of basketball-inspired bonfires or Rhodes Scholars, the impassioned social activism emanating from this campus can be felt around the world.
Take, for example, Tico Almeida, who as a junior in 1997 started a small organization called Students Against Sweatshops. Within seven months of forming SAS, Duke became the first university in the country to adopt a code of conduct that required a process for monitoring apparel manufacturers. This swept the nation. Almeida is now the president of Freedom to Work, which is leading the way toward ending employment discrimination against LGBT people in America.
Or how about Raphael Lemkin. Trained as a lawyer, Lemkin started his American teaching career at Duke Law School in 1941. But when he wasn’t lecturing law students, Lemkin was holed up in his office working on perhaps one of the most important inventions of the 20th century: a new word. You see, dozens of members of Lemkin’s family had been killed in the Holocaust, and he’d read the stories of other mass killings until he decided there was no word that adequately described or incriminated such atrocity. So he set out to create one. Seven years later a UN convention was introduced and a new term entered conversations about mass killings around the world: genocide.
These are just a few examples – and I don’t mention them to intimidate you. But regardless of what we all do with and for our own rights, we have to remain courageous and creative (and even critical of our moves) or we’ll fall into the trap of ranking oppression instead of eroding it, of in-fighting instead of learning from our peers.
Our group, if I may call it that – we have something to offer.
After all, the discrimination and structural oppression we face is triggered by everything from our outermost expression – how we dress, act, speak – to our innermost feelings and identities and, to be blunt, what’s inside our underwear – or what other people think ought to be there. And this constellation of ways of being a person – check boxes in some situations, poetry in others – makes us into individuals, groups, and citizens of societies, cultures, and countries.
But at the core of making it all better is an inquisitiveness, a curiosity, a willingness to engage with the ideas of others who face the same structures of oppression that we do, and also to go beyond that which is similar to our experience and see where we might contribute to structures that, while having nothing to do with us, in fact oppress others.
In many ways it’s been a great year for us. We have a president in office who has done more for our community than any before; Hillary Clinton has decided to make her legacy as Secretary of State the fight for LGBT rights around the world; the United Nations published its first report on LGBT rights; and, a little closer to home, I’ve been told you all cleaned up at the student awards ceremony on Wednesday night.
For years and years, the LGBT population - and the rights movement we’ve built - has suffered at the hands of people who can’t imagine being us. How can we do better than that?
There are plenty of ways to get involved. You’ll find the one that’s right for you.
And given the history of the institution you’re graduating from, I’m confident you won’t go narrowly or unquestioningly into a movement so full of potential to change the world.
Showing posts with label alumni posts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alumni posts. Show all posts
May 13, 2012
November 9, 2011
The First Two Years
[Editor's Note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BLOG! In honor of our second birthday, I am pleased to bring you the one and only Chris, the metaphorical mother of our current site.][Author's Note: Right. So. This has been scrapped and re-written at least three times. I still think that it's kind of zzzzzzzzz at times and definitely longer than necessary, but who knows. Maybe this'll resonate with someone. Like I said in my first pseudo-personal post, my respect and appreciation for the 50 writers who've consistently written beautiful, kickass columns over the past two years is through the roof after going through this arduous and nervewracking process (of writing, uh, one blog post). Love and miss you all.]
When I arrived on campus for orientation week four (four!) years ago, I’d already been comfortably out for almost three years. Mom and Dad knew (this happened), as did anybody who was interested, I guess, at my high school. I was one of 3,000 students and it was a pretty diverse place, so no one cared. I was never bullied or teased. There were so many out guys at school and I knew all these others in surrounding districts.
* * * * *

Which I feel is now the norm experience for the current first through third-year white gay Duke youngins (I’m working on my graduate condescension). These guys have been out since, like, second grade, and I think entered/are entering with the same mentality I did, which was that everything is wonderful and we’re just about at the end of the gay rights movement. “What is an ENDA?” – Us.
Which I guess is sort of great on one level? That we’ve come to a point where at least some in the LGBT spectrum have awesome experiences have never felt other? “Gay” was about as high on my identity list as “white” (which, for the record, is very very not high). I’d probably more readily identify as a Yankee fan. That’s cool! Good work, Everyone These Past Forty Years.
But as such I had a pretty skewed understanding of what The State of The Homosexual was in 2007. I thought homophobia was, like, Selma, 1960’s shit and no longer A Thing. I knew of one lesbian in high school and bisexuality was just a phase to me. I’m pretty sure the only trans person I’d ever seen (if they even were?) was the villain in Silence of the Lambs.
Anyhow. How problematic and wrong all of this was is for another post — the point is that I was worried about a thousand other things more than my sexuality. I mean, I did have my stigma about North Carolina; for Long Islanders, like, Pennsylvania is The South to us. I would say there are actually places latitudinally north of us that we consider The South (sorry, All of Upstate New York :/). But Duke was just so pretty when I visited mid-April and anyway I told myself that I was going to school to study, not to procure a boyfriend.
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.
I think the first thing that becomes apparent to a lot of gays is that they have to adjust their gaydar for Duke. I wasted so much time swooning over pink-polo’d peers before I realized that bow-ties and pastels were just things that straight men wore if they were wealthy and sort of a jerk. I was just so out of my element — there really were all these flamboyantly dressed guys and yet no out gays.
I remember you used to be able to browse Facebook networks by various parameters, and when you searched “18-21” + “Men” + “Interested in: Men” for Duke, uhhh, five? results came up? Like, for the entire school. And that was including me. I mean, if I could search “Interested in: [blank]” + “Number of tagged photos: >1000” I’d get much more accurate results (amiright?), but still. The message was clear: I could count the other gays at Duke on my fingers.
That’s right — only four years ago, it was possible to feel like you were one of only five out gays at Duke. I’d like the current sophomores and juniors reading this to take a second and let that sink in.
And my first year just sucked. The entire year. I was unhealthy and I didn’t sleep or shower or eat and my grades were awful (CHEM 21) and I had so few friends. I rarely left my room on the third floor of GA and I developed a reputation among the other men on the hall for always being on the phone (I called my mother every day without exception for my first two years at Duke). They developed a reputation among me for saying some of the most racist, homophobic and sexist things I’d ever heard. I don’t think many others had the same experience — like, I think I was just unlucky in terms of where I lived.
Despite the introversion, I was constantly looking for other gays on campus; after a while it wasn’t really as much about finding a boyfriend as it was about finding empathy and similar interests. But going to the LGBT Center was just out of the question. My utopian high school experience and socialization led me to attach a stigma to the Center, which was based on three [horribly flawed] premises:
- Those who frequent this space all have “gay” as number one on their identity list, and there is no reason for this (what an arbitrary thing to define yourself by!). Unless sex means so much to these people and their life (how does their sexuality affect them at all outside of the bedroom?).
- Those who have “gay” as number one (or even top three) on their identity list are all just The Most Flamboyant and cross dressers. I remember this Chronicle article from that September profiling the Center, specifically the quote:
- Flamboyant and genderqueer people are all vapid and unintelligent.
While some have taken to analyzing a Missy Elliot track, most have gathered around a long drawing table – the artists inside of them pour paint onto posters of purple Blue Devil icons, unicorns with heart-shaped eyes, and slogans like "Duke Allies" in eye-catching, multicolored text.Right.
- Not everyone who frequents The Center has “gay” as number one on their identity list. For me it is. And it is not because my life revolves around sex, but because, like, you can be fired in 20 states for being gay without legal recourse.
- The diversity of the LGBTQ Community at Duke (including those who visit the Center) is staggering. There are film buffs and athletes. Students who are turning gender on its fucking head and students who are questioning. Fierce activists and those who, eh, just don’t really care all that much. Fraternity men, Greek women, people who don’t like Lady Gaga, Yankees fans, Tampa Bay fans (whatever), Catholics, Jews, and
twoone Pratt student (but seriously). I will say that in terms of race, gender and sexuality, the population is skewed toward gay white men. This is a situation that is always improving, and We’ve made huge strides in the past several years.
The point is that fear of not “fitting in” should not keep anyone from visiting the Center. - Flamboyancy and genderfuckery are not inversely proportional to intellect. This is just just a duh thing and I’m a little embarrassed that I ever thought otherwise. It’s no excuse, but in retrospect, the only truly queer or superfeminine gay men I knew of were those I saw on television and they weren’t exactly paragons of intelligence. It took actually meeting some genderqueer guys IRL (and being subsequently awed by how smart and insightful they were #Duke) that I realized how wrong (sexist and homophobic) I was.
The Second Year
I resolved during the summer that I was going to do everything different once I got back to school. I was going to be extroverted! I was going to introduce myself to people! I was going to drink maybe!
Most of all, though, I was going to not do any of these things!
I developed an insane crush on this Duke gay that summer, and it’s pretty comical how gung-ho I was about meeting (marrying) him. I still had, like, nine social anxiety disorders and awful self-confidence. My fear of being out of control of myself and affection for Diet Coke kept me from drinking (all four years, it would turn out. Ask me about that unintentional social experiment sometime). I still had zero friends that would take me out even if I wanted to.
So. Okay. This is kind of fucked up and embarrassing, but when I got back I would to go to section parties alone and sober just hoping to bump into this guy. He was someone who raged on the weekends and I was so socially inept that I thought there was like ONE party that just everyone went to each night. If you were going out, that’s where you’d be.
Mhm.
I did this about three times in September. I’d just quickly scan the halls and rooms, not interacting with anyone. I don’t think there’s any way this wasn’t illegal in some way – like, this is the definition of stalking.
It eventually became apparent that this was kind of stupid. My pragmatic half understood that statistically it just wasn’t going to happen. Also, years later I realized that I didn’t really have a plan if I did actually run into him.
Me: “Hey! I’m Chris. I’m introducing myself, because this is just a thing I do all the time.”
Him: “Hi, Chris! I’m almost definitely in the middle of a conversation that you just interrupted because there’s no way I’m just standing alone against the wall like the middle school dance scene that you always imagined this being. I’d tell you my name, but it’s obvious you already know it. How’re you doi –”
Me: “Will you marry me?”
Him: “Of course! Why didn’t you ask sooner?!”

My moral compass apparently still thought this was an appropriate amount of energy to spend on one person. I just needed to try something different.
And then the most perfect thing happened.
Chris Purcell, the Program Coordinator at the time, sent out this message to a Facebook group I was a part of soliciting help for Coming Out Day on Thursday, October 16. And get this: I knew that someone who knew My Husband would be there, and if I could just meet him, then I might as well start picking Our Song (just kidding! I already knew what it was!). So I volunteered to hand out tee shirts on The Plaza.
Yes, my first visit to The Center was purely for hormonal reasons.
It was just the greatest day, though. Everyone was really sweet to me and I had tons of fun. Coming Out Day is an awesomely affirming event, and its progression to the huge party it is now is testament to the strides this community has made over the past several years.
I should mention that as well as everything went, I did not meet My Husband’s Friend that day. In fact, I didn’t even meet the guy I had a crush on until my senior year. (This, it turned out, was for the best.)
Actually, that night of Coming Out Day, I randomly added someone on Facebook that I would go on to date for a year and a half.
#Life.
But yeah. Once I started going to The Center, I was just infinitely happier. I met all of my best friends there – people I now consider family. I’m not saying that every LGBT person will definitely have the same experience or that they have to go, but it changed my life in a lot of ways. Just sayin.
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