The First Two Years

[Editor's Note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BLOG! In honor of our second birthday, I am pleased to bring you the one and only Chris, the metaphorical mother of our current site.]

[Author's Note: Right. So. This has been scrapped and re-written at least three times. I still think that it's kind of zzzzzzzzz at times and definitely longer than necessary, but who knows. Maybe this'll resonate with someone. Like I said in my first pseudo-personal post, my respect and appreciation for the 50 writers who've consistently written beautiful, kickass columns over the past two years is through the roof after going through this arduous and nervewracking process (of writing, uh, one blog post). Love and miss you all.]

When I arrived on campus for orientation week four (four!) years ago, I’d already been comfortably out for almost three years. Mom and Dad knew (this happened), as did anybody who was interested, I guess, at my high school. I was one of 3,000 students and it was a pretty diverse place, so no one cared. I was never bullied or teased. There were so many out guys at school and I knew all these others in surrounding districts.

Which I feel is now the norm experience for the current first through third-year white gay Duke youngins (I’m working on my graduate condescension). These guys have been out since, like, second grade, and I think entered/are entering with the same mentality I did, which was that everything is wonderful and we’re just about at the end of the gay rights movement. “What is an ENDA?” – Us.

Which I guess is sort of great on one level? That we’ve come to a point where at least some in the LGBT spectrum have awesome experiences have never felt other? “Gay” was about as high on my identity list as “white” (which, for the record, is very very not high). I’d probably more readily identify as a Yankee fan. That’s cool! Good work, Everyone These Past Forty Years.

But as such I had a pretty skewed understanding of what The State of The Homosexual was in 2007. I thought homophobia was, like, Selma, 1960’s shit and no longer A Thing. I knew of one lesbian in high school and bisexuality was just a phase to me. I’m pretty sure the only trans person I’d ever seen (if they even were?) was the villain in Silence of the Lambs.

Anyhow. How problematic and wrong all of this was is for another post — the point is that I was worried about a thousand other things more than my sexuality. I mean, I did have my stigma about North Carolina; for Long Islanders, like, Pennsylvania is The South to us. I would say there are actually places latitudinally north of us that we consider The South (sorry, All of Upstate New York :/). But Duke was just so pretty when I visited mid-April and anyway I told myself that I was going to school to study, not to procure a boyfriend.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

* * * * *

I think the first thing that becomes apparent to a lot of gays is that they have to adjust their gaydar for Duke. I wasted so much time swooning over pink-polo’d peers before I realized that bow-ties and pastels were just things that straight men wore if they were wealthy and sort of a jerk. I was just so out of my element — there really were all these flamboyantly dressed guys and yet no out gays.

I remember you used to be able to browse Facebook networks by various parameters, and when you searched “18-21” + “Men” + “Interested in: Men” for Duke, uhhh, five? results came up? Like, for the entire school. And that was including me. I mean, if I could search “Interested in: [blank]” + “Number of tagged photos: >1000” I’d get much more accurate results (amiright?), but still. The message was clear: I could count the other gays at Duke on my fingers.

That’s right — only four years ago, it was possible to feel like you were one of only five out gays at Duke. I’d like the current sophomores and juniors reading this to take a second and let that sink in.

And my first year just sucked. The entire year. I was unhealthy and I didn’t sleep or shower or eat and my grades were awful (CHEM 21) and I had so few friends. I rarely left my room on the third floor of GA and I developed a reputation among the other men on the hall for always being on the phone (I called my mother every day without exception for my first two years at Duke). They developed a reputation among me for saying some of the most racist, homophobic and sexist things I’d ever heard. I don’t think many others had the same experience — like, I think I was just unlucky in terms of where I lived.

Despite the introversion, I was constantly looking for other gays on campus; after a while it wasn’t really as much about finding a boyfriend as it was about finding empathy and similar interests. But going to the LGBT Center was just out of the question. My utopian high school experience and socialization led me to attach a stigma to the Center, which was based on three [horribly flawed] premises:

1. Those who frequent this space all have “gay” as number one on their identity list, and there is no reason for this (what an arbitrary thing to define yourself by!). Unless sex means so much to these people and their life (how does their sexuality affect them at all outside of the bedroom?).


2. Those who have “gay” as number one (or even top three) on their identity list are all just The Most Flamboyant and cross dressers. I remember this Chronicle article from that September profiling the Center, specifically the quote:

While some have taken to analyzing a Missy Elliot track, most have gathered around a long drawing table – the artists inside of them pour paint onto posters of purple Blue Devil icons, unicorns with heart-shaped eyes, and slogans like "Duke Allies" in eye-catching, multicolored text.

Right.


3. Flamboyant and genderqueer people are all vapid and unintelligent.

Oof a little bit, First-Year Me. I’ll get to how I eventually came to visit the Center (and ultimately work there last year) later, but I feel like I should address these misconceptions now. This is what I learned very quickly:

1. Not everyone who frequents The Center has “gay” as number one on their identity list. For me it is. And it is not because my life revolves around sex, but because, like, you can be fired in 20 states for being gay without legal recourse.
   
   
2. The diversity of the LGBTQ Community at Duke (including those who visit the Center) is staggering. There are film buffs and athletes. Students who are turning gender on its fucking head and students who are questioning. Fierce activists and those who, eh, just don’t really care all that much. Fraternity men, Greek women, people who don’t like Lady Gaga, Yankees fans, Tampa Bay fans (whatever), Catholics, Jews, and two one Pratt student (but seriously). I will say that in terms of race, gender and sexuality, the population is skewed toward gay white men. This is a situation that is always improving, and We’ve made huge strides in the past several years.
   
   The point is that fear of not “fitting in” should not keep anyone from visiting the Center.
   
   
3. Flamboyancy and genderfuckery are not inversely proportional to intellect. This is just just a duh thing and I’m a little embarrassed that I ever thought otherwise. It’s no excuse, but in retrospect, the only truly queer or superfeminine gay men I knew of were those I saw on television and they weren’t exactly paragons of intelligence. It took actually meeting some genderqueer guys IRL (and being subsequently awed by how smart and insightful they were #Duke) that I realized how wrong (sexist and homophobic) I was.

The Second Year

I resolved during the summer that I was going to do everything different once I got back to school. I was going to be extroverted! I was going to introduce myself to people! I was going to drink maybe!

Most of all, though, I was going to not do any of these things!

I developed an insane crush on this Duke gay that summer, and it’s pretty comical how gung-ho I was about meeting (marrying) him. I still had, like, nine social anxiety disorders and awful self-confidence. My fear of being out of control of myself and affection for Diet Coke kept me from drinking (all four years, it would turn out. Ask me about that unintentional social experiment sometime). I still had zero friends that would take me out even if I wanted to.

So. Okay. This is kind of fucked up and embarrassing, but when I got back I would to go to section parties alone and sober just hoping to bump into this guy. He was someone who raged on the weekends and I was so socially inept that I thought there was like ONE party that just everyone went to each night. If you were going out, that’s where you’d be.

Mhm.

I did this about three times in September. I’d just quickly scan the halls and rooms, not interacting with anyone. I don’t think there’s any way this wasn’t illegal in some way – like, this is the definition of stalking.

It eventually became apparent that this was kind of stupid. My pragmatic half understood that statistically it just wasn’t going to happen. Also, years later I realized that I didn’t really have a plan if I did actually run into him.

Me: “Hey! I’m Chris. I’m introducing myself, because this is just a thing I do all the time.”

Him: “Hi, Chris! I’m almost definitely in the middle of a conversation that you just interrupted because there’s no way I’m just standing alone against the wall like the middle school dance scene that you always imagined this being. I’d tell you my name, but it’s obvious you already know it. How’re you doi –”

Me: “Will you marry me?”

Him: “Of course! Why didn’t you ask sooner?!”

My moral compass apparently still thought this was an appropriate amount of energy to spend on one person. I just needed to try something different.

And then the most perfect thing happened.

Chris Purcell, the Program Coordinator at the time, sent out this message to a Facebook group I was a part of soliciting help for Coming Out Day on Thursday, October 16. And get this: I knew that someone who knew My Husband would be there, and if I could just meet him, then I might as well start picking Our Song (just kidding! I already knew what it was!). So I volunteered to hand out tee shirts on The Plaza.

Yes, my first visit to The Center was purely for hormonal reasons.

It was just the greatest day, though. Everyone was really sweet to me and I had tons of fun. Coming Out Day is an awesomely affirming event, and its progression to the huge party it is now is testament to the strides this community has made over the past several years.

I should mention that as well as everything went, I did not meet My Husband’s Friend that day. In fact, I didn’t even meet the guy I had a crush on until my senior year. (This, it turned out, was for the best.)

Actually, that night of Coming Out Day, I randomly added someone on Facebook that I would go on to date for a year and a half.

#Life.

But yeah. Once I started going to The Center, I was just infinitely happier. I met all of my best friends there – people I now consider family. I’m not saying that every LGBT person will definitely have the same experience or that they have to go, but it changed my life in a lot of ways. Just sayin.

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I Iz In Ur Blogz Changin All Teh HTML: So, like, remember me? My name is Chris Perry and I ran this Blog for a year and a half? "I'm pretty sure Risa has always edited this blog, who are you" —You.



That's my blog! Over there!

Anyhow. Whether you remember me or not ("Wait. You're the one with an unhealthy obsession with Glee, right?"), I still have All The Passwords. Which really just means that whenever Risa asks me to do something like change all of The Blog's colors and background and header image I can do it without hassling her for a password because of course she is doing a fantastic job and I'm so proud and there's nothing I would change on my own without telling her except for maybe putting spaces in between the title and content for the last fifteen posts or so.

But I wanted to explain this redesign a little bit because it's something that's been in the works for a while and we owe some thanks. The background was designed by a friend from high school, Chris Russo (you can see more of his work/hipster comics/insistance on drawing All Your Favorite Singers on Tumblr, his website, and Etsy) who did this completely free and on his own time because he is just an awesome guy and we all owe him a lot. Thanks, Chris Russo!

And whether you like it or not ("1,000,000 Strong Against The New BDU Blog" —Your New Facebook Page) I feel like we can at least agree it is an improvement over the old color scheme which was kind of bland considering the energy in Our Community. That color green we had should only be used as an ingredient in toothpaste (toothpaste ingredients: 1. water 2. fluoride 3. that green we had).

On the real though, miss you all tons and I'm so happy to see the Blog where it's at. Risa and the whole staff is doing an insanely awesome job. Just so very proud. I'll leave you with this image, taken from the list of pending posts. Get ready, folks.

Fairy Tales

UM. Long time no talk, Readers. Risa has been doing a great job since she took over about a month ago. It's actually been pretty easy giving over control of This Blog that had been part of my daily routine for a year and a half knowing that it's in such good hands. I mean, there've been moments:

Me: "That disclaimer at the end of every anonymous posts post is a really smart idea but kind of long, Risa."

Risa: "Really? I disagree."

And that's that. Haha. But if that's the biggest complaint I have a month in, I think This'll be alright :)

I've been focusing on, uh, graduating on time. It's been rough, y'all. But I'm also, like every other senior, realizing that my time left here is minimal and assessing what I have yet to do. And since I finally went inside Biddle last week, my biggest thing now is that I've never written a real post on this site.

That is kind of weird! That is kind of weird. I mean, I've written close to 90 posts, but they weren't very personal (as impassioned as my outing of Bert and Ernie was). I've watched 38 (!) other columnists share their thoughts and experiences since November 2009. And they've gotten rrreeeaaallll while I've just sort of complained about Steel.

So that's my goal for the next two weeks or so. My story is far from The Most Compelling, but maybe it'll resonate with someone. Who knows. But if you know me, you know that I can't fit all of It in one post, so I'll just start with this one.

* * * * *

In the summer of 2009, Carpe Noctem, Duke's comedy magazine, came out of dormancy and I was asked to write something for it. I wrote the following piece on my childhood (and quickly mocked up this layout) and sent it in, only to get it back with about 4,000 edits. Meh. I'm not very good at being edited, so I just rescinded the thing and it's been sitting on my computer since. (If you've ever read Carpe Noctem, you also know that my story wasn't nearly sexist, homophobic, racist or transphobic enough to fit in anyway, amiright?)

Click to enlarge:

I guess while I'm at it I might as well post this video, because it fits in with the story. I was one of the first grandchildren born in our huge Italian family and they just loved putting me in front of a camera. This is another great example of classical conditioning, where I'm not quite The Gayest Thing yet (I'm three? four? years old) and there's still a bit of straight in me (see: Power Ranger moves, gun miming) but I'm discouraged from expressing it. "Are you gonna sing or what?"

I feel as if it is important for me to say that my mother is my best friend no doyoyoyoy and no matter how much of a pageant mother she sounds on this video or how much I tease, she really is The Greatest. She drove down here from LI for Lav Grad, y'all. That's love. And pretty fuckin awesome.

I literally can't even watch this video anymore, haha. Let this be a big thanks to Everyone for so courageously baring themselves on This Blog for the past year and a half :)

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More Than a Little Sobering: (from The Advocate) Sorry to get superserious, because I know today has been all about #DADT and #!, but this is a, uh, pretty compelling video. This is a reminder that We've got a lot of work still ahead of Us, y'all - there are no days off. There was a frenzy of support when these suicides occurred a couple months ago, let's not forget about them. [Rant on the tendency for the Movement to treat issues like fads deleted for now.]

So obviously the school and admin really screwed up here. But would a reprimand have solved things? Even a little? Would it have maybe even made things worse? What's the most effective and realistic way of combatting bullying in schools?

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Hey Feminists: This article in Duke Magazine on sex and hookup culture on campus caught my attention, and I want y'all to read it and tell me what you think. This obviously touches on gender issues/relations here and may suggest that the sex scene (a thing now) at Duke is in a post-sexism state.

Tellingly, when students interviewed for this story (not all of whom are included here) were asked what they thought of peers who have multiple, random sexual partners, the word used most frequently was “sad.”

“It used to be that if a girl slept around, she was called a slut, but if a guy slept around, he was supposed to be congratulated,” says Michael Kahn. “But that’s changing. Everyone knows who the promiscuous people are. I think most people, men and women both, want to be able to look themselves in the mirror and respect what they see.”

Thank god that's in the past and [straight, of course] males are now heckled just as much for promiscuity. 2010, YOU GIRLS. WE DID IT. Yes, I could totally be reading too much into this, and that's why I want some feedback because I really don't know. You have to read the whole article, because a lot of the things said are based on STATISTICS from a comprehensive survey with a 75% response rate (which is an insane response rate). Also,

Hey Queer Activists: Uh, over 3000 words on sex and relationships at Duke and no mention of LGBTQ students? I feel like this is a legitimate complaint. Where am I in this? I do not see myself in this. Either the survey didn't ask questions about sexuality and the researchers did not draw conclusions based on this (which I feel like they HAD to have) or the magazine/author/editor just decided to ignore this.

I mean, I recognize this has a flip side. Should We expect to be represented in every piece? We're at best what... 7% of the Duke population? For an article to be relevant to 93% of its readers is pretty impressive, no?

Haha, I'm usually better at being devil's advocate, sorry. "Blacks" (eek) and Latino students are both mentioned, minorities that represent 10% and 7% of the population respectively.

Meh.

Letter From The Editor: On Censorship, Constructive Conversation, and Respect

I took the second half of the anonymous posts down for now because things were getting a bit out of hand. All comments are put in queue for my approval before they go up, and what I saw was not good and kind of really very nasty. I understand if Readers think, "what was there wasn't so bad," but as editor I get to see into the future a bit (because of that queue) and things were about to get hateful (and I mean, personally, I thought the thread was already getting hateful). And that is not something that the blog is about.

So I put the conversation (*"conversation") on pause for a bit so that I could talk to the BDU officers and general body about what to do. And I also wanted to talk to all of Y'all, too. Sometimes it's ok to step back and take a second? I feel like that's fair, right?

This isn't about social fascism or quelling people who don't agree with me or us as an organization - it's about discerning between criticism that's respectful and criticism that's hateful.

From all sides.

I hate censorship, as do the BDU officers. In this case, it would be antithetical, as "rpb" pointed out two nights ago, to our mission of "effectively conveying the diversity within the LGBTQ Community" and "capturing Duke accurately while neither coddling nor depressing." Why bother running the blog in the first place if we don't allow contributors to be completely honest about their experiences?

At the same time, we wanted to learn from the mistakes of our predecessor site, which kind of turned into bluedevilsarguing.com, so we specified that "hate speech and personal attacks" would not be tolerated.

Reconciling these values of total honesty and safe-space is difficult. But not impossible.

There is a way to convey the sentiment or experience of any Reader on campus (or off) respectfully. We can disagree, and I hope we disagree. Let's disagree! But as my mom's told me as far back as I can remember, "we can disagree without being disagreeable."

One of the most important things, I think, is to never discount somebody else's personal experience or reality. More specifically, it's not fair to say that "Duke has been a great place for all LGBT students and it's not a problem here" or "Duke is not an LGBT-friendly campus at all, and I wouldn't go there because how bad it is." Because both ignore the range of experiences of students here. There is no one LGBT experience at Duke, and there is certainly no one way to navigate life at Duke as an LGBT student.

And so long as someone's happy, and it works for them, then they should do it. That's totally legitimate. If that means never coming to the Center, if that means never speaking to another gay person on campus, then ok! No one should ever pressure them to do these things. One part of #7's post that I totally agreed with was his frustration that people kept insisting he get involved with all of our programming and meet all these other gays and such. That's not what anyone should be doing. The goal of "active" LGBT students and groups on campus is to offer options, not "omgyouHAVEtocometothisbecauseyou'regayand,like,we'regaytoo." If "gay" is not a major identifier for someone and subsequently informs zero of their decisions, it does not make them a "bad gay," "not cool," etc. because duh, it does not make them a "bad gay," "not cool," etc.

But the other half of this is allowing people who frequent (or even infrequent) the Center or BDU meetings or events planned by either, to do that, too. I mean, it's kinda fun for some? Personally, it's a place where a lot of my friends hang out and I know a lot of peers (including myself!) have felt the need to use the resources that are offered. I think why a lot of students like the Center and BDU is well documented in the hundred or so columns and comments on the blog, so I'm not going to go into that further.

Like we've said before, personal attacks are not tolerated on the blog. But I don't think I honored that the other night, and I was a jerk in one of the comments. I'm truly sorry for that, because it was not an okay thing not only as editor, but as a participant on the blog. Like I said in a later comment,

... I naively thought that I could just take my Editor Hat off, which is just not possible. I am a leader here on the site, and it's irresponsible for me to comment that way. I reacted, and got defensive when I read the words "disgusting," "incestuous," and "fake" used to describe people that I consider my family (and this includes me, too, I guess). Instead, I should have been more articulate in explaining why I did not think this was okay ... I'm truly truly sorry to #7 and any other commenter that I may have offended because they expressed distaste for the Center and those who frequent it. I won't speak like this again, I promise. And thanks to "rpb" for calling me out - I appreciate it.

I repeated this at the BDU meeting, and I wish I could adjust it to say that it wasn't ok just because I'm Editor, but because I am Anybody.

This is not the forum for personal attacks, because that's CollegeACB stuff and I think we all agree how we feel about CollegeACB (right? We're all on the same page on that?). And personal attacks, for the record, are not restricted to comments about just one person (i.e. "Chris Perry is just The Awfulest") but include character assassination of groups of people, too (i.e. "Everyone who doesn't regularly go to the Center is The Awfulest"). Blanket statements like the latter are not productive, are hurtful, and are usually prejudiced (and, for the record, do not have the necessary sociological data to back them up). They aren't conducive to the constructive conversation and cathartic environment that we're looking to foster here.

So I urge anonymous posters and columnists alike to keep their entries personal-experience based: "I was really looking forward to going to the Center and then nobody introduced themselves to me. It seems pretty cliquey to me." "Somebody told me recently that they took solace in all the flags that around campus, knowing that there was a support network for them at Duke." Let's keep things specific (and remember, LGBTQA-based).

As Readers and Commenters we can much more effectively get to the root of things and talk about them if entries are framed this way. If you've got a concern to share that could lead to a respectful, productive conversation, advice or encouragement, please do. Like, as queer advocates, we'd love to discuss the merit/detraction of showering the campus with rainbow flags. There is a discussion to be had here! But no side should label another with derogatory terms.

In fact, let's not use derogatory terms. I can't really think of an instance on this site where they'd be appropriate.

While I'm hoping this sets the tone for the blog, we decided at the meeting last night that the best thing to do is to set up a committee for reviewing comments and posts. I shouldn't be the only one making these decisions, and the members of this group will be diverse in their involvement with the Center, BDU, etc. If you're interested in more information, email bluedevilsunited@gmail.com.

Anyhow. The blog'll go back to its regular format in a day or so, and there'll be details on what we're doing with the post that we had to take down.

Thanks for reading and contributing for the past 10 months. Y'all make this site My Favorite Thing.

Much much love,

Chris Perry

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Hillary Clinton Should Deliver All of Obama's LGBT Speeches and Also This Other Guy, Who is a Real Person In Real Life: Ok, so today there was this big event at the White House for LGBT Pride Month. The audience was mostly local and state-level advocates (so yes, I was too important and BIG TIME to be invited), and Hil gave this badass speech. She makes incrimental change and legislation on duh issues sound so OK! Seriously, though, kind of wish she was in the Oval Office right now.


Sometimes, though, we meet people who are so far from The Best. They are pretty much the opposite of The Best. But they are real people, somehow, that are living in real life right now. This "ex-gay" (gay) guy is one of those people, and his video has been making the blog rounds today and is very LOL.


Top 10 Lines From This Video:

#1-10: All of the lines.

When he started reaching (?) at 3:04 I was kind of convinced that this was a huge joke because look at the reaching thing he does at 3:04. But it is real, and the website checks out. Thank you, Right!

Gaga's Alejandro Video OR The Debut of The Machine Gun Bra

Wow.

That is sort of a lot to process and I cannot wait for Ari to Pop Up Video me through it with factoids and gagasymbolism. "That snow was also used in the Sound of Music" -Ari, probably.

The End of the World, More or Less (More)

The letter we just got from Janie, Director of the LGBT Center, and Surrogate Mother to Us all:



Hello, Everyone!

I hope the beginning of your summer is going well wherever you have landed. We have students all over the world and also a sizeable group here at Duke for the summer. I am writing with some news that makes me both happy and sad.

I'll start with happy. Chris Purcell has accepted a position at the Berklee
College of Music as the Coordinator for Peer Advising. His new duties will include coordinating their Peer Advising Program (hiring, training, and supervising 85 peer advisors), doing outreach to first year students at risk, and collaborating in the delivery of their new student orientation program. His last day in the office at Duke will be June 18, 2010. I am happy because Chris is happy especially to be closer to his mom and, of course, for a promotion and increase in pay! I told the reference person who called me that I did not want to talk with her, and she should go away! She did not listen to me, however. This same news makes me sad because we are losing a great member of our team who has brought so much light to so many of you. I know you will want to join me in wishing Chris well and much happiness. We will be hosting a good-bye reception for Chris here at the Center on Thursday, June 17th from 3:00-5:00 pm, and I hope many of you will be able to attend. For all of you who are at some distance, I know Chris will want to hear from you as well.

I am moving forward to request permission to retain the position so that a search process may be started as soon as possible. If the request is approved, there will be student reps on the committee, and I hope many of you in the area will participate in the interviews and offer your feedback. I will keep you posted throughout the summer as we make progress. I also encourage any of you who have questions or ideas to e-mail me at jlong@duke.edu. While I am sad for the loss of Chris, as this door closes another one will open with new wonderful possibilities!

Stay tuned for details about our celebration of Chris. We want to make sure he leaves feeling the love!

My best,
Janie

* * *

I understand Janie's attempt at framing this as an OK thing. Chris is The Best and has consistently played an infinitely important role in all of our lives, so it is logical that we would want Him to be happy and have money. I'm sure that there are other qualified people out there (I am not sure there are other qualified people out there), and we have Chris' cell number, anyway. At the same time, Justin Clapp better be prepared because his is now our Resident Male That We Trust and Approach With Dire and/or Inappropriate Situations.

So yeah, I'm totally not going to overreact and make this into something hugely negative. But just know that I am WITHDRAWING FROM DUKE BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO GO THERE ANYMORE. THERE IS NO LIFE AFTER CHRIS PURCELL, PEOPLE.

Let's make this The Longest Comment Thread on how much we are in love with Chris. It should not only feature words (in caps lock) but also links to appropriate videos and images. I'll start.

In tribute:

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Uh... Everyone needs to see these videos: (via Aliza and Billy!) OK, so this first one from the TV show "What Would You Do" (which has changed a bit since I first saw it in the 90's) where gay parents and their children are refused a meal at a Brooklyn restaurant, and we watch as Society completely fails Us. "Fuck that, I'm hungry!" - Society. Whatever. How do we feel about this show, Community? I have mixed feelings.

Thank you to the people who said something? I think? I don't know. This show kind of lauds people who do kind of duh things. "Some would say that makes you a hero." Really? Well some people need to go to Definitions School. Anyhow. Let's all watch this other video of a gay proposal. It'll be worth it, Readers. I promise!

Letter From The Editor: Anonymous Columnists

I think a major strength of our site, and something that differentiates it from its predecessor is complete absence of anonymity of our staff writers. When redesigning the blog in the Fall, we decided that the use of pseudonyms connoted that there was sense of fear among Us, and that couldn't be further from the truth. To reiterate our mission statement, we are not afraid, and we feel safe here. We've gotten so much positive feedback from people that have commended the openness of the writers, and this comment is pretty much Sentence Of The Year for me. The Out Community is blowing up on campus, and I feel as if all of these pictures and full names effectively convey that.

We were not so stupid, though, to think that everyone would be willing to be so visible. Our goal is to effectively and honestly capture what life at Duke and in America is like for LGBTQA students, and this cannot be done without also providing a podium for our closeted peers or those who just could not be as open were they writing under their full name. We set up the anonymous posting system to address this, and it's been hugely successful. 65 entries since November 9 is so many entries!

But! But. I think we may've overlooked a major possibility - that some of our out friends in BDU, more than willing to display their full name and picture, would not be able to out of fear of repercussions at home. A quick Google search of a columnist's name+"Duke" would lead here, and could very well mean a cutting off of tuition funds by parents for some or a revoking of scholarship by ROTC for others. As valued, awesome and all-the-more important as their visibility on the blog would be, it would not be worth being disowned or financially cut off. I know some that would argue otherwise and I understand their point of view, but I'm going to stick by this one.

At the last blog meeting, though, we all agreed that we should find a way to include the voices of those who were still willing to be regular columnists. Our current anonymous posting structure is not conducive to the frequency or length of columns, and I personally don't like the connotation of putting longer entries in a separate post like I did last week. So from now on (starting today) we will have some anonymous columnists.

Here's what I'm worried about. I don't want Readers to assume that anonymous columnists are not sharing their name out of fear of being out on campus. This is no doubt the case for many Duke students, and may even be the case for some anonymous staffers in the future, but I urge y'all to recognize that the choice to not identify one's self is not necessarily a reflection of campus culture (however discouraging campus culture can be). More often, I'm finding, this is a testament to what life's like back home.

Anyhow! While this seems like an obvious solution, it was a decision and precedent we had to discuss quite a bit. Like I said, pseudonyms didn't work too well on the old blog, but I'm confident that we will differ in our huge volume of identified writers that'll be right alongside :)

Okay! Let's do this!

So Far, So Very Very Good.

Our blog recently celebrated its one-month birthday. And what a month it's been! Including news blurbs, we've had 124 posts written by 13 different BDU members. Google Analytics tells me that the site has been visited 4,066 times by 1,172 people from 33 different countries. We're only 8 states short of the full 50. Our post on the Durham Vigil for Jorge and Jason was featured on Pam's House Blend, which is read nationally and revered personally.

I don't think any of us foresaw this level of success! At the same time, though, I'm not surprised. The entire staff has come up so big for this blog, and every incredible outcome is largely due (and directly proportional) to the hard work and passion of the people involved. So thank you, Staff, for everything. Y'all rock, and I hope you are witnessing the positivity and progress you are effecting in the comments section, the anonymous posts, and even around campus. Keep up the good work! I'm looking forward to a ton of fun next semester :)

To the Readers. You have carried this blog as well! Your questions and input alike are so important to a Duke (and evidently national) Community that is starving for these conversations. Continue to visit, and spread the word. This project is only going to get bigger. We've got some sweet ideas for next semester...

Happy Holidays,

Chris Perry

Editor

P.S. Today is also the five-day anniversary of the Glee season finale, where this happened:

So I'll be celebrating (read: "performing") that, too, today (in my underwear, most likely) if you'd like to follow suit. Just saying.

Love, Survive, Organize: The Bull City Vigil for Jorge and Jason

“When my son told me he was gay, I told him, ‘Now, I love you more.’ I want to tell the world that hatred is not born with human beings, it is a seed that is planted by adults and is fostered creating a climate of intolerance and violence. We must change our ways and understand that anyone …could have been my son. And I want everybody to know that Jorge Steven was a very much loved son.”

- Miriam Mercado

On Sunday night, members of the Durham/Duke community gathered downtown at Durham Central Park to honor the lives and reflect on the deaths of Jorge Steven López Mercado and Jason Mattison Jr. The vigil was just one of over 20 held across the country yesterday.

Jorge was 19 when he was killed November 14 in Puerto Rico for being gay. His body was found on the side of a road "partially burned, decapitated, and dismembered, both arms, both legs, and the torso" (from Pam's House Blend). By all accounts, Jorge was an incredibly loved boy who sought to put his mark on the world of fashion design.

This murder has revealed not only the unfathomably sick nature of an individual, but also a paradigm of ignorance and intolerance among those in positions of power. As a community, we were appalled to read that a police investigator (and bigoted idiot) for the case publicly remarked, "'people who lead this type of lifestyle need to be aware that this will happen." Furthermore, the investigation has shed light on Puerto Rico's lack of legislation in this area: "Never in the history of Puerto Rico has a murder been classified as a hate crime. Even though we have to follow federal mandates and laws, many of the laws in which are passed in the USA such as Obama’s new bill, do not always directly get practiced in Puerto Rico," explained Christopher Pagan, a Puerto Rican who first alerted American media of the story.

15-year-old Jason Mattison Jr. was also murdered this month in his hometown of Baltimore. Jason was found shoved into a closet "raped, gagged with a pillowcase [and] stabbed repeatedly in the head and throat" (from The Baltimore Sun). The boy aspired to be a pediatrician: "There was never a question of whether or not he was going to make it. Some children we have to pray over a lot -- pray for grades that they pass, but we never worried about that with Jason," said Principal Starletta Jackson. The suspect, Dante Parrish, 35, is a family friend who had recently been released from prison after serving 10 out of a 30 year sentence for his involvement in a 1999 killing. The research of a nonprofit legal group The Innocence Project led to the discovery of a technicality with Dante's proceedings that led to an overturning of his conviction (from Pam's House Blend).

The Durham vigil last night featured musical and spoken tributes to those who have been senselessly taken. Personally, this was one of the most powerful and inspiring events I've ever been a part of. While I rode a Kübler-Ross-ean emotional cycle of confusion, anger, and sympathy for two people I had never met, I was consistently able to find solace just in the faces - hell even in the mere presence of the friends and strangers surrounding me. Yes, this is incredibly cheesy and run-of-the-mill of me to say, I understand. But there is something to be said for a selfless gathering of people on a cold, cold, rainy Sunday night in the middle of Durham (read: in the middle of America) in order to express solidarity with each other, and with the community at large. Feeling unqualified as a writer (I'm an engineering student) to effectively convey the emotions and messages from the night, I'm compelled to embrace the cliché here. We've heard some quotes to the point of desensitization, but in this case the overwhelming level of relevance and retroactive empathy trumps, for me, the risk of being tiredly proverbial:

"Moreover, I am cognizant of the interrelatedness of all communities and states. I cannot sit idly by in Atlanta and not be concerned about what happens in Birmingham. Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly."

-MLK

All pictures from the night are courtesy of our friend Justin Harris. Click on any image to enlarge.

Every Gay Should Know #2: Gay Media Pioneers Bert and Ernie

[Ed. Note: Every Tuesday, we highlight an event, figure or tidbit of gay culture. Topics will range from the Stonewall Riots to Bea Arthur. Harvey Milk to the etymology of “fag.” Personally, just about all of these fall under “Everybody Should Know” for us. Bea included. This week's EGSK is late, making me the first person on the staff to not meet a deadline. This is just the sort of thing I want my staff to see me doing.]

Bert and Ernie are one of twelve Muppets that Jim Henson developed for the now 40 year-old television series Sesame Street. Though only briefly appearing in the pilot episode, the duo's segment tested best in focus groups and it became immediately apparent that the show should heavily feature them as stars. Bert and Ernie made their television debut on November 10, 1969.

They've been paving the way for homosexuals ever since.

That Bert and Ernie are in a long-term, committed gay relationship is proven and well known, or as Sesame Street's PR people put it, "Bert and Ernie... do not portray a gay couple, and there are no plans for them to do so in the future." Mere semantics.

Let's discuss the facts. These two "single" men are living together in an apartment on Sesame Street. Bert and Ernie sleep in separate twin beds, but these are located in the SAME ROOM. It is worth noting that not once has either complained about how small their mattresses are. Presumably, this is because the beds are arranged such that they can easily be pushed together to form a queen(s)-sized bed when the cameras stop rolling.

Even if these two guys are simply straight best friends that just haven't found the perfect woman, why are they spending all of their free time together? Fishing trips and vacations to Egypt? C'mon. Lovers.

Also, why would two heterosexual men choose to live together on Sesame Street of all places? Though we are never told just how to get to Sesame Street, we do know that it is somewhere in New York City. If you're on a non-numbered street in Manhattan and you see an establishment called The Furry Arms (a "hotel"), you're probably in The Village. Spend some time observing the indie guys who walk into the local thrift store Finders Keepers, and you'll see what I mean.

Sesame Street has exactly zero to offer straight men.

Say what they will, but writers haven't exactly kept Bert and Ernie's sketches free from [not-so-] subtleties. Is there no reason why there is an oil portrait of Bert and Ernie in their living room?

...and in their bedroom?

No, seriously, let's talk about this because this is bothering me and I think it's important. These are not photographs, nor are they pencil or chalk. These are PAINTED portraits. Using rates around my home in Patchogue, NY, this would have cost at least $2000 (I'm not even going to go into the fact that they're framed, too). So you mean to tell me that these two completely platonic heterosexual men spent over $2000 to have a portrait painted of them... and then commissioned ANOTHER for $2000 more? Sure. Normal guy stuff.

The rest of the home decor doesn't exactly keep the two puppets closeted, either. So many lamps and armchairs! I'm also sure that most straight men don't even know what valances are let alone would think to feature them on their windows. Two breeder men living together would also not keep the apartment that clean. Let's be honest.

I truly don't know how this is ambiguous for some, especially those in the community. Even if one were to successfully refute all of the things I've mentioned above, the sheer abundance of bananas in Bert and Ernie skits should be enough to realize that they are meant to be gay men:

I propose we celebrate the presence of these openly (as far as those lace curtains and I are concerned) gay characters on our TV screens. Homosexuals were not exactly popular on basic cable at the time, but Bert and Ernie fabulously broke the heteronormative mold. I consider them wholly responsible for the success of Will & Grace and Kurt on Glee. They are the Jackie Robinsons of gays in mainstream media, and it should be recognized that as a result were made to endure the same intolerance and adversity as all other social pioneers. Said Rev. Joseph Chambers in one of his radio shows in 1994:

Bert and Ernie are two grown men sharing a house and a bedroom. They share clothes, eat and cook together and have blatantly effeminate characteristics. In one show Bert teaches Ernie how to sew. In another they tend plants together. If this isn't meant to represent a homosexual union, I can't imagine what it's supposed to represent.

I agree, but contextually he was making his case to have the characters banned. Haha, all kidding aside, if they've pissed off some right-wingers then we should be honoring them gay OR straight. Good for them.

Every Gay Should Know #1: Maine's Question 1 Ad Campaign

[Ed. Note: Every Tuesday, we highlight an event, figure or tidbit of gay culture. Topics will range from the Stonewall Riots to Bea Arthur. Harvey Milk to the etymology of “fag.” Personally, just about all of these fall under “Everybody Should Know” for us. Bea included.]

On May 5, 2009, the Maine House of Representatives passed “An Act To End Discrimination in Civil Marriage and Affirm Religious Freedom” – a bill that would allow same-sex marriage in the state. The proposal had already been approved by the state Senate, and needed only to be signed by Governor John Baldacci in order to become law.

Baldacci signed the bill the next day, and the law was set to go into effect September 14, 2009.

Barring some sort of crazy intervention, of course.

Paperwork to launch a people's veto campaign was put in by Reverend Bob Emrich on May 7. Leading the opposition to gay rights would be the comically ironic "Stand For Marriage Maine," a Catholic Church-sponsored organization. The group hired the same public relations company that was successful in overturning gay-rights with Proposition 8 in California last November. With over the 55,087 signatures needed (almost double that, actually), Stand For Marriage succeeded in putting the issue to ballot on November 3, 2009 (the original Sept. 14 date was subsequently pushed back).