December 14, 2009

Anonymous Posts

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)

Last week saw the most lively discussion under an anonymous posts post (I've got to figure out a better way to say that) since our launch. It has always been clear from the start that we have The Best Readership, but y'all really earned the title over those several days. Let's throw Comment Parties all the time from now on, because that was awesome.

This week's entries are just as respondable (a word, now), so I'll see you in the comments section :)

College is supposed to be a time of self-discovery, right? What if I'm scared to think too hard about it? I might not be the straight girl that my family thinks I am. I don't even know. I do know I will never tell them how I feel; they've already made their feelings on the subject quite clear without any prompting from me. It hurts when they do that. So I act like the perfect daughter, but it gets harder every time I go home.

[Ed. Note: This is a situation that many of Us have gone through. Introspection - and extrospection, while we're at it - on these issues is just as important and ultimately worthwhile as it is potentially tough and long-term. While I'll leave advice to the commenters, I will say that at the very least, You are far from the only one that this has ever happened to. You're not alone, and I think you'll find a lot of empathy in the Readers here.]

I've decided to come out next semester to my close friends and to come out to my Dad (the last immediate family member) over Christmas break. Wish me luck!

[Ed. Note: I'm totally cheering for you. Good luck with everything! Let us know how it goes? :)]

I am a recently admitted member of the class of 2014, and I wanted to thank all involved with this blog. As a (mostly) closeted gay male living in an overwhelmingly conservative area, I can honestly say that this blog is making my wait to start anew all the more difficult. But I can wait; in the end, the reward will be that much sweeter. Thank you, BDU, and keep up the good work.

[Ed. Note: Hey! Thank YOU. It's superimportant to us that prospective and admitted students find our blog. Continue reading, My Favorite '14er So Far. I'm also taking this as an early commitment to be on the blog staff? Awesome. See you in a few months!]


  1. #1: It's a tough situation :(. I really think that thinking about it is worth whatever pain or fear it brings. and I hope someday your family might come around. I have a hard time around the house because I know some of my family isn't comfortable with it and it's tough to know what they're thinking.

    #2: Good luck! It's one of the hardest things in the world to do, but in the end, I think it's one of the most valuable things you can do. Hope it goes well!!!! (lots of positive vibes)

    #3: Awesome! :) I'm from a somewhat conservative area too and the breaks can get long, but it's always worth it to go back and see everyone again! Duke is simply home to me. I'm sad I'll have to leave, but I hope your Duke career is incredible! (a piece of advice: I don't recommend waiting until your junior year to come out to everyone, but you probably already know this :)

  2. #1: I know the feeling exactly, and I completely emapathize with your situation. As a gay male not out to his parents, it's often daunting to think about how what you may do at school or in your own private time is seen as vile and disgusting to your much as it feels right to you. I would say that taking your time to deal with the situation at hand, and being comfortable enough to confront your parents about it, will make it a lot easier for you to prepare for in the case that they aren't the most supporting people. They will come around, they have to, at the end of the day, you are their daughter and they will always love you. Perhaps the sooner you tell them, the sooner acceptance can come your way (but only do so when you are comfortable)

    2. I wish you the best of luck! Although this may seem like the final frontier, it is far from over. However, coming out to your last immediate family member will be pressure taken off your shoulders like you would never believe, and perhaps the last time where coming out is more of a burden rather than an average, every day thing!

    3. I was a closeted student when I first got into college as well! It was only during my first semester at Duke where I felt more comfortable with myself and the people around me. I hope that if you don't come out in high school, that you find the courage in college to be more open about yourself with others, because it makes the college experience that much sweeter! Good luck with the rest of your senior year and perhaps I will meet you next year :)

  3. #1 - the only thing I can tell you is anecdotal. I had a former student who came out to family - and alas, the initial raction was as bad as predicted. HOWEVER, as time went on and as it became *personal* the family focused more on the love of their child and started figuring things out.

    #2 - All the best for that! As someone who is "parent aged" though not a parent, I can just say that I hope my children have a relationship with me that allows them to be all of who they are to me. And I hope my children understand if it takes me a bit to accept all of who they are.

    #3 - Welcome here! I very much hope that Duke is a place that is not tolerant - because that word is actually *not* all that positive - but instead accepting and celebrating. And I share your admiration for this blog.

    Dr. G

  4. Matt:
    I know you may regret waiting until Junior year to "come out", but I am glad you waited. Watching your struggles gave me the courage for it. If you had already been "out", I might have written it off and remained my fearful, closeted self. Thank you.