May 17, 2010

Anonymous Posts

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)

OMG. I am currently on my lunch break at the Human Rights Campaign in DC where I started my internship today. Being here is pretty surreal and this is going to be The Best Summer without a doubt.

Of course, my work here pales in comparison to the hours I spent trying to get the Facebook Share widgets to work on our blog posts. Apparently, HTML stands for Hard TML because of how hard it is to code. But hey! The widgets are installed and ready for All of You to use. Please do! We can tell from analytics that the traffic on the site is directly proportional to the number of people that post our columns on their Facebook wall. So help Us out!

I ran away to Duke because I wanted to escape. Escape the pain. Escape the judgment. Escape the tears of a place most call "home." I wanted to create a new me: too strong to be hurt, too courageous to be scared, too assured to question. But I couldn't escape. Even worse, the pain, judgment and tears stripped the "new me" naked. I no longer knew who I was; I was so lost. I have never felt more alone.

On a whim, I decided to apply for Common Ground. There I heard a story of a young man who had felt so alone and so lost that life wasn't worth living, but instead of giving up he came to embrace the best he could ever hope to be - himself.

Each day since then (some days are better than others), I have tried to love myself. Working to embrace the best that I can ever hope to be - myself. In this daily struggle, I have come across some of the most remarkable stories; many from those who have had similar experiences. I'm now blessed to call these people my friends. I no longer feel alone in this journey we call life.

Many of my friends have dedicated their time at Duke to sharing their stories, reaching out to people who may feel alone and even to those whose actions make them feel pain.

I hope that this documentary (link), a collage of experiences and reflections, can help them continue this incredible work.


this might sound completely ridiculous, but I'm worried about entering a relationship with somebody I've grown close to because I don't know how to have lesbian sex. I wonder if straight people realize how easy they have it. i'm scared shitless that I will be physically incapable of giving a woman an orgasm in a way that makes both us satisfied.


  1. To #1: That documentary was absolutely beautiful; thank you so much for linking it to your post! Clearly you have met some wonderful people.

    To #2: As someone who has never dated (or slept with) anyone, I sympathize. Sex seems complicated. However, no one says that you have to have sex right away. Why not take it slowly, and maybe even talk about it at some point? She might be nervous too. Regardless, you care about her and she cares for you, right? So, anything you do will be done out of that caring, and she will know.

    I hope that this is helpful to you in some way.

  2. 1: I love the thought behind the project. I love the people in it. I love their stories. Basically, I love the documentary. Thank you for sharing your story (above) with us and for the hard work you put into this video. I'd seen it before and this morning I was actually just thinking to myself "Has anyone posted the documentary on the blog? Cause we should..." So, I'm glad it's here now!

    2: Call me old fashioned, but I'm a fan of the mantra that if you can't talk about it [sex], you shouldn't be having it. I agree with anonymous above that sex doesn't need to happen right away [unless you and your partner both want it to, in which case it could be]. When sex enters your relationship, I hope that you'll be comfortable talking about your fears about having sex and expectations for the sex. I know that what I've written above isn't really advice (sorry!) but I hope it appeases some of your hesitation. I'd say to "go for it" in terms of the relationship and to cross this bridge when you get there. In the meantime, you'll grow together and get closer and the conversation and the sex will happen organically.

  3. #2--The issue of straight privilege in this context is interesting and something I'd never considered before. Though, I would say that many straight people have the same fears. Opposite sex sexual encounters are not just "insert PIV and voila." There is a real learning curve. Many women say that their first experience was NOT GOOD, and not just because they may have experienced discomfort. In fact, even women who've mastered having good sex with one (male) partner will need to learn how to have good sex with a different (male) partner. Furthermore, is it possible that as another woman you may even have an advantage in knowing how to give another woman an orgasm? Afterall, you know what works for you...and even though everyone is different, that's at least a good place to start. Lastly, I'd caution you to not measure "success" in giving your partner (or yourself, achieving) an orgasm. There is more to sex than an orgasm as the final end.

  4. #1 - I'm happy for you. While it's a shame that you can't call the place where your family lives "home," if you needed to escape to find yourself then it was good. If coming to Duke and making these friends has opened you up to who you are, then you've begun to realize what I consider one of the most important things in life: It's most important what YOU think of yourself. You should love you.

    #2 - These things happen naturally...sometimes. If they don't, then we work at them. Don't be insecure. Lots of people communicate with their partners to make the most of their sexual experiences. (Although it should be all people.) Either way it pans out, just be confident in yourself and in your partner. You'll be happier for it ;)