Not much to say, y'all. I'm home (!) and getting ready to head down to Duke in a week and a half. Getting in as many bagels and pizza slices as possible.
Also! Our good friend Swapanthi emailed in and alerted Us of the National Organization for Marriage rally in Raleigh tomorrow from 12-1. They are so much so The Worst (remember this gem?) and at a lot of the stops along their NOM MARRIAGE BUS TOUR 2010, counter-protesters have staged awesome parades, etc. I've been checking up with the NOM Tour Trackers throughout - scroll through the posts to find some awesome footage.
Anyway! Posts for this week!
I was outed last weekend for the first time. A text came at 3 AM telling me, "i'm so so sorry but I told ------ and -------- about you. I didn't mean to and I understand if you never want to talk to me again. Please forgive me." Had this text come about 6 months ago, I would have been completely terrified of the results. My friend told two people from my small hometown where a friendly attitude towards the LGBT community doesn't really exist- and this is a place where news spreads like wildfire. Thankfully over the past several months I've become, day by day, more and more comfortable with my sexuality and more and more comfortable with others knowing. That being said, I still strongly believe that it's not anyone's place to divulge information on other's sexual preferences. Forgiving this long-time friend was easy, but I'm still quite a bit frustrated at the fact that it happened. Should I not be? When I told my close friends, should I just have assumed that it would slip at some point?
I check my ex's facebook almost every week. I'd never take her back, but I'm afraid I won't ever get over her.
Sometimes I just tell myself that my future girlfriend is just in in my next class, the upcoming hallway or at tomorrow's social event. I tell myself that we're just hours or seconds away from finally meeting each other. But my biggest fear is not that I won't meet her, but that I won't recognize her. I'm afraid she'll end up being so deep into the closet that I won't know her when I see her.
It sucks that so many things in my head are so tangled: sexual orientation, trust issues, intimacy issues, sexuality in general, bodily integrity and imbalanced hormones, my medications...I just want to understand what's going on in my body and in my head and for it all to work correctly.
“One has not only an ability to perceive the world but an ability to alter one's perception of it; more simply, one can change things by the manner in which one looks at them.”
This week in California, a judge struck down Prop 8 as unconstitutional. Great news. Unfortunately, not everyone sees it as such. To me, marriage for all is a fundamental right. But my ethos is kinda shot in this rhetoric as a gay guy fighting for gay rights. Regardless, it seems logically right to eliminate discrimination by sexual orientation. There are so many, however, that do not perceive this topic similarly. So many people are so stubborn in their beliefs that gay marriage is immoral. But I must say, I am just as stubborn in my belief; and of course, I see myself as correct. But am I? More importantly, is there a right answer? Is there truth? As the quote asserts, everything in the world is what we make of it. Truth changes as our perceptions of it change. Our society today perceives itself as being more “advanced” than previous societies. Such as the truth American society once believed that it was morally acceptable to enslave blacks. That blacks were biologically subservient to whites. Contemporary society has progressed past this “truth.” But what are we progressing toward? Is there some ultimate, universal truth waiting to be reached? I don’t think so. Societies’ truths will be ever changing, or “progressing”. No absolute truth can be achieved, as no absolute truth exists. The ideals, emotions, and logic of each individual are concomitant with one’s perceptions of the world, not of an absolute truth imposed by the world. So for this debate concerning gays and gay marriage, can I really believe I am right? If there is no truth, then there is no wrong. But there is. Those opposing gay marriage are wrong. This is of course according to my perceptions. So if I have deconstructed the idea that there is a truth/the right answer, then what is left? Just us. Ourselves, our society, and our perceptions of the world. We are doomed as a society and as a race to transient truths and to logically based but emotionally driven perceptions. But I do believe (hope?) we are progressing (slowly) as a society to creating a truth that homosexuality is neither immoral nor unnatural. I guess there's no palpable point to this post other than the idea we see and understand things not as they are but as we are.