Sorry for the late post, y'all. I've been spending all day fixing my schedule, which includes "Steel." Of course. No duh. Normal college stuff. I also, in my first task as a Center employee helped piece together The Center's weekly email (check your inboxes, Community!). It was not very easy! Props to Chris Purcell (NVR 4GET) for doing it all those years.
So much to discuss re: this semester. More on that later, I just want to get these posts up ASAP. See you at the Welcome Reception, great to be back, comment on the posts, etc, etc.
"I just wish that there was more variety in the images America sees. I don’t know any Antoine Dodsons but I do know quite a few gay black men who would give Will Truman from Will & Grace a run for his money in both wealth and career achievement, and I would certainly love to see a few of those types as a gay character in a drama or sitcom, or a real-life type in a reality show.
While I have no issue with Antoine Dodson, I hate that his over the top, neck-swinging sassiness, as real as it is for him, represents the current status quo for almost all black gay images in the media."
Seeing the "Love=Love" shirts when I visited Duke convinced me to come to here. This blog makes me feel more confident in my decision and more pumped for college each time I visit. Thanks for being rad.
I don't feel comfortable with the term "gay". It's probably because it's a category with a lot of connotations that I'm not comfortable with. I don't want to label myself as gay. That's why I haven't "come out". Why do I need to come out? Is it just the people who are attracted to the same sex that need to come out? They have to announce their sexuality? bring the bad news to their parents that for whatever reason their kid is queer? Can't I just go about my life without coming out? Sure I feel this weight on my chest. I wish it were undiagnosable anxiety. But it's just the stress from bottling up the truth about my sexuality. I suppose coming out would relieve that? But I don't want to...
I'm more offended by the term "straight". That implies that preferring the same sex is crooked--somehow wrong or abnormal.
I wish I had been more confident with my sexuality at Duke. I would have gotten more sleep, maybe. To the people I had crushes on I would hint, passively, my interest. There were only two people, really. One sophomore year. One junior (and senior) year. Too bad neither of them drank. All my sexual encounters involved somebody drunk and (pretending to be) sleeping.
I feel like some of my friends know my sexual preference. They must, right? I make cryptic, subtle hints about it. I don't date or hook up with people.
The closest I've come to the LGBT center was to get my hair cut.
My mom talks about turning our old bedroom into a guest room for when we visit with our wife and kids, or serious girlfriend.
I'm intrigued by "you people" on campus. You "Community" people. I want to interact with you. Or I wanted to. But I guess I missed a lot of chances to do a lot of things.
Would my parents think differently of me? My sibling? My sibling would. My sibling can be a bit bigoted at times. My Republican aunt, uncles and cousins might think differently. My grandmother might. A lot of my friends wouldn't. The people I work with wouldn't.
I feel bad leading girls on. I dated a girl once. After we made out the evening of our first date I felt no sexual desire. But we dated for a month so I could tell people when I went home for Fall Break that I had a girlfriend. I broke up with her and I didn't consider how she felt.
I was attracted to girls before puberty. I had genuine crushes on girls. I saw one girl I had a crush on in 9th grade without a shirt on (just a bra). And I was attracted to her. But then something happened, I guess. Maybe when I started masturbating. I've only been sexually attracted to one girl since then. That was 12th grade. And nothing came of that. Unrequited crush.
What about kids? I want kids. And a family. And a big dining room table. How can I have that??
If I were still a student I'd take one of my free CAPS visits and talk to someone, maybe. I used 3 of them over the years, but of course wouldn't tell a therapist the truth of my sexuality. Now I might.
I wrote it down and sealed it in an envelope and wrote "burn before reading". I did that a few weeks ago. I opened it and read it.
I don't know what to do. What could someone possibly say to make me---make me be open and honest about my sexuality? I feel like I've heard it all before.