October 23, 2012

Mixed Massages

Let’s get something straight. Just because I gave you a friendly back rub does not mean that I am hitting on you. Consider the context for a moment. We’re eating out (at a restaurant) and I’m going around the table touching everyone, because we’re a touchy bunch touching each other and that’s okay. Well, except for you. And I respect your personal bubble and I’ll keep that in mind now, but hold on a moment my man - you thought I was hitting on you. I hate to burst your bubble but…

I am not bursting your personal bubble with the intent of popping your cherry. You’re a plenty handsome guy, but I am not trying to proposition you at all. There is a difference between showing affection and conveying that I fancy you.

You and I are both guys, and that’s why there’s that tension. While this does not apply to all males, it certainly seems like many guys are particularly afraid of the physical contact and proximity with guys who seem as if they may be gay. Why? Fear and pride – these two things drive all the problems in our relationships with people. Fear: it is the manifestation of ignorance, a lack of understanding. Many LGBT individuals are perfectly normal in their thoughts and feelings, yet the LGBT community is stereotyped as promiscuous and sexually deviant. By no means is this the norm, so understand that in the end we are all humans, not threats. Pride: don’t be so quick to think that someone is into you. Not every gay guy automatically fancies you, so don’t assume that. You’re not good looking enough for that and even if you were, your homophobia makes you uglier in my mind, I'm sorry to say.

I feel like there’s a sort of macho thing going on here that makes guys throw up the defenses a lot more strongly. Luckily, I don't hear "no homo" at Duke that often. Can someone comment on the extent to which this kind of thing might be true for females?  

So man up and tell me if I’m making you uncomfortable. But before you do that, think about why you’re uncomfortable.

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