WOMYN Wednesday!

Happy Wednesday, everyone! So, WOMYN Wednesday was on a slightly unexpected hiatus last week, but it's back with an extremely serious question for you:

What is your favorite queer hangout in Durham?

As you should know by now, Durham is pretty queer, and it’s awesome. It took me a long time to realize just how awesome, because I am super-nerdy and am usually in the library or in my room, studying. I’m also not good at bars or clubs, because I don’t drink much, and I cannot dance to save my life (ask anyone). Fortunately for me, there are other options when I want to be surrounded by queer people. (Note: I’m using "queer" as a kind of catch-all term, because I don't want to leave anyone in the LGBTQA community out of this discussion.)

So, WOMYN wants to know just where you like to spend your weekends/weekdays/spare time/life. Filling out this very short survey is practically a public service, y’all – just think about those of us who are still in the dark about Durham. You can dispel that darkness, right here, right now!

And, after you’ve taken the survey, please send your submissions to WOMYN at womynatduke@gmail.com! Your perspectives are both welcome and necessary, because without you as part of the WOMYN team, this magazine would not be the amazing publication that it is and can continue to be!

The Pinhook (Is Why I Leave Campus)

Last weekend I went somewhere worth gushing over. I’m talking about the Pinhook.

I was wary of going to the Pinhook because I heard it was very “homonormative.” As a femme, I equate homonormativity with the erasure of my identity. But the Pinhook is not solely homonormative. Yes, there were girls in jorts. Girls in ties and plaid button ups. Girls with alternative lifestyle haircuts and an array of v-neck shirts. But, there were also girls in tutus and dresses. Larger girls and smaller girls. Girls wearing lipstick while rocking doorknocker earrings. It was like everyone I had seen on sites like Fuck Yeah Femmes, Fuck Yeah Dykes and Genderfork was at one big party. (Everyone I had seen on OK Cupid was literally there too.) And they were dancing! Not sullenly standing against the wall or trying to wade through a blockade of gay men to find each other. No need to ask “Are you straight?” For once, I felt it.

I know this gushing might make we sound naïve or inexperienced. I’ve only been to gay clubs in San Antonio, The Triangle and New York. (I'm aware that the Pinhook is not specifically a gay club.) Even gay clubs that aren’t entirely populated by men present an obstacle to queer gals. For example, most of the women who go to Vespa are straight. When I’m feeling entrepreneurial I approach everyone I fancy. This can get tedious. My $10 cover goes towards seeing more homo PDA than I would at a Duke Selective Living Group party. It goes towards catching up with members of the Duke and UNC gaystream. Do I expect to meet other queer femmes? Not really.

The Pinhook felt like an alternate universe, a dream, a drug-infused terrarium. It was a flurry of bodies writhing to danceable music. Piercings, tattoos, glitter, binders, soft skin, tube tops, gym shorts. I was slightly buzzed but felt too drunk to walk straight or talk cohesively. To outsiders (read: Duke students) this group might have seemed impermeable. Fun to look at, not to join. Through some inspired dancing and the queerfemmeness I radiated I became part of the potent organism that lived on the dance floor. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t feeling bold. Women pulled me to them.

Now that I’ve exhausted the pros, I’ll head to the cons. The Pinhook crowd was quite white- not as white as a Portland potluck, but close. The non-white contingent was represented mostly by light-skinned ambiguous looking people and cute black guys. I knew that if I came to the Pinhook every weekend I would get bored seeing the same small group of folks over and over. I don’t know if I want to become embroiled in the gossip and drama endemic to small, tightly connected communities.

Gossip and drama. All queer ladies must deal with them eventually. Sure, I’m an upper middle class Duke student, but these are Triangle hipsters, not necessarily denizens of the Bull’s Eye. Even the most sheltered Duke student would feel comfortable walking in this neighborhood at night. Am I really afraid of pot, crafting and social justice? No. In high school this was my scene. Really, I’m afraid that by delving into Durham (not as an observer, as a participant) I’ll shake loose the foundation of the successful social life I’ve finally erected at Duke after three semesters. Hopefully I can strike a balance. Durhamite (not just Durham) friendly in theory and practice. Duke friendly too, even if nothing at Duke will ever be as queer as the Pinhook.

Crucial question: Will the second time be as great as the first? I’ll find out soon.

The Pinhook and The Flowergirl

"It's supposedly super queer!"

I wasn't sure what to expect, but, feeling spontaneous, I accepted my friend's offer to venture to The Pinhook in downtown Durham. I'm glad I did.

One of the headlines that night at The Pinhook was the band of the partner of a female friend of mine. I have always been a fan of live, original music, but this particular performance hit me in a very special way.

The night began with a band which already seemed to have pleased the crowd fairly well (I recall them singing about corpses in some body of water...). Eventually, my friend's partner took the stage. After a few songs in the set, she dedicated a song, "The Flowergirl," to her partner in the crowd. I felt myself getting excited.

I saw everyone else getting excited, too.

The band began to play, and I immediately sensed a connection between the two: the eye contact, the smiles, and the general happiness. Through all of these, they were saying so much more to each other than the story told in the lyrics of the song.

The crowd adored it. There was such a strong presence of acceptance and embrace in the room. That was the first time I had ever experienced something like that. A woman was singing to her lover, another woman, and no one thought twice about it. It was a celebration of love that may not have been so celebrated just a short time ago.

I couldn't stop smiling.

To those two: Thank you for your love.

Spreading the Love(=Love)

I recently returned from summer classes in Vermont, and I am so thrilled to be back in queer Durham, in my haus/zoo, and of course, the LGBT Center (there are new chairs!)

This summer was so transformative for me. I am so much more comfortable with my body, my sexuality, and my goals for the future. I know all of the gushy goodness gets sickening sometimes, but I spent way too long being sad. And with all the great things happening this year in Durham and at Duke, I can hardly contain my excitement. Folks, we have so much work to do!

I don’t know if you’ve heard about Womyn. But I hope you know that Megan, Jack and I will not stop harassing your Facebooks, this blog, your dorm rooms, your friends, your plaza, etc, until it is finished.

Also, some really, really super news. There is a new free bus called the Bull City Connector that goes from Duke all the way into Golden Belt! Don’t know what Golden Belt is? Well that’s proof that you don’t get off campus enough.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW QUEER DURHAM IS?! It’s soooo queer. You’re missing out on so much! So I hope to keep all of you informed as best as I can about the goings-on in town, because it is absolutely worth it.

To continue my excitement, The Pinhook has now changed its regulations to be 18 and up! There are constant queer things and dance parties and all kinds of goodness that you should investigate.

Some events coming up:

Queerbaret on August 20th, for those of you in town.

This weekend is also the Queerrilla Film Festival! Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Come out and support the love.

Also, a shameless plug for my partner’s show this Sunday at the Pinhook.

I’m not sure if you can tell, but I’m very excited for my friendlies to come home and explore with me. If you’re apprehensive about this semester, I think my enthusiasm is contagious, so you can come play with my kitties and eat cookies.

Much love, anticipation to see the oldies and meet the newbies, hope for a better year and a growing community of support and affection,

Summ

Change of Scenery

I moved in with my partner.

For those of you who aren't my Facebook friends and can't follow my insane joy and random photos of my Durham summer adventures…let me backtrack.

I tested the waters on a few friends first…"I think I might move in with Hilary…" and tried to gauge people's reactions. Overall, the responses were uncertain, or trying to be polite, some were nervous. I don't blame any of you--the pervasive hook-up culture at Duke and unknown world of Durham and its queers can be a cloud of impenetrable-ness. Then came the next phase…"We've been looking for a place…," then finally, "WE SIGNED A LEASE TODAY!"

The reactions didn't change much. I got the occasional, "So now we REALLY won't see you." (coughChrisPerrycough)

The Duke campus isn't bliss for all of us. In my case, I'm not talking about hate speech or feeling unwelcome on campus because of the general student body versus my queerness. I'm talking about class and I'm talking about ethnicity. On the surface, I've got white skin and blue eyes. I blend in okay unless I'm intentionally trying not to (which has been more of the case lately). But I'm Mexican. I was raised Mexican. No, I don't have the best Spanish in the world, but I come from a working class neighborhood of Mexicans. That's what I know, and what I love.

I try not to make everything about money, or judge folks on their privilege. We're all born into different circumstances and I love everyone in the LGBT community for different reasons. But for me and my mental health, I need folks who can commiserate with me a bit more on financial issues.

Speeding up to the last month, I feel like I've finally accomplished that.

For those of you who have kept up with my summer adventures, I moved off campus into a house of four other Durhamite women, including my partner. We've got three cats, a dog, and a bird (ridiculous, I know). Everyone in the house is partnered…and we've become quite social. So the house is a bit of a zoo. But a lovely home we've christened 'Lockamy.' (To discover why this name was picked, you'd have to come over, so make plans to visit me in the fall!)

My friend Anthony and I have also been fond of calling the place 'Estrogenhaus.'

Recently, I've been laughing so much. Hysterics from tickling, giggles from baking in my massive kitchen, joy from the animals doing silly things. So much happiness. I feel like the most fortunate woman. But I wanted to write to you all today because I know what the struggle feels like. I want to honor and celebrate the good times, but the fight through mental health and reducing isolation can be a lonely one.

I hope to open my house to you all. I know what staying on campus too long does to me. The effects are probably different for some folks, and I know plenty of students that love the campus and never see any reason to leave. But there is so much greatness in Durham, there are so many good people, and I urge you to explore it with me next year.

The Pinhook has recently started having nights that are open to 18+ and they have some very fun events, we will most definitely have weekend brunches at my house, and hopefully some WLW events. I'm not trying to make you vom with my love, I'm just saying that it's been a three year struggle for me (so for any first years reading this, if it gets bad for you, don't wait for it to get worse! Come have cookies and play with my kitten), and I want to help any part of my community that I can.

Also, I'm currently in the airport on my way to a language immersion program, so I won't be in touch for the next 7 weeks since I'm not allowed to do anything in English. Maybe I'll move this blog into the bilingual realm and post a Spanish entry. ^_^

Please have a great summer, I can't wait to see all of your beautiful faces in the fall!

PS. A bunch of my friends who are in a Durham arts collective (DURTY) are planning a music festival in August. I believe the 28th is the tentative planned date. I know lots of you will be here by then and it should be a huge party with tons of local kids and bands. Please come! It will be a great opportunity to begin building bridges between Durham kids and Duke kids!