What's up, "You Guys"?

I’ve used the term “you guys” to address groups of people my entire life, regardless of the gender-makeup of these groups. This is just something I’ve grown up doing, so what’s the big deal, right? Well, imagine how you would feel if you’re a man in a group with only other womyn and someone says, “Hey gals, what’s up?” You’d probably be pretty confused, and understandably offended. Imagine, then, how a female would feel in a similar situation being referred to as “you guys”? She may feel marginalized or left out. I admit, most people, womyn included, probably don’t think twice about using “you guys” to address groups of people, but I’ve heard individuals who care about this matter very deeply. See this article for a great explanation of what I’m talking about.

After hearing many womyn tell this story, I realized that I’ve unknowingly been part of the problem for years. I would certainly not identify as a bad person, but that doesn’t mean that I never make mistakes. It bothers me that my casual use of this phrase may have made other people feel left out.

I participated in a “My Truth Panel” a few weeks ago, and cringed each time a member of the audience addressed the panel as “you guys”, especially considering that, out of the 6 members of the panel, only 2 of us were male. What was worse, everybody in the audience was female. Even after I brought this matter up at the event, I heard audience members address us as “you guys” at least another three times.

Clearly, changing something that is so widely accepted is an uphill battle, but I think it’s still worth fighting for. Obviously, I would never tell someone to alter their speech for my own sake—or worse, censor themselves—but I would ask each of you who reads this to step back and think about how your choice of language makes other people feel when they hear it. I challenge you to use a phrase like “you all” or “y’all” to address a group of people in which there is at least one female (or in which there is someone who might not conform to traditional gender norms!). I know it’s hard to change something so seemingly innocuous, but sometimes it’s the small changes that can really add up to something meaningful.

Anonymous Posts (1.17.12-1.22.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

The Bar held a welcome back night for students on Friday, and I hear it was poppin. This week is also going to be POPPIN on campus. Are you ready!?

Hudson Taylor, founder of Athlete Ally, is speaking TODAY at 5:30pm. Women Loving Women (Tu, 6-8pm) and Spectrum (TH, 6-7pm) are also meeting this week!

ALSO BDU is working on an awesome new campaign that aims to bring visibility to and correct misconceptions around bisexuality and questioning. If you're interested in being pictured in a poster (you'll get to choose what it says), sign up here. We need people who identify as bi, questioning and ally!

Now, notes from OC!

#1
Respond!

#2
The last time I made the mistake of telling a straight girl I liked her, things got horrible. I will always have the story of how _____, that one straight girl, broke my heart. This time I was afraid of the same thing happening if a straight girl at Duke finds out I like her. Recently I told her I liked her and then came out to her a couple days later. She essentially rejected me, but it was probably the most awesome rejection I've ever gotten. She didn't flat out say no to me, she just told me about how she's dated girls before and it just wasn't for her and then told me how she's sorry she flirts with me a lot but that's her personality. It feels good to finally be out to one person at Duke. Now I have someone to talk to, but I just wish I'd stop falling for these dang straight girls all the time!




Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

An Open Letter to Queer Duke Women

Firstly, I want to let everybody know about the Bisexual/Questioning visibility campaign that will be happening on campus this semester. We'll be essentially creating posters to raise visibility about Bisexual and Questioning issues. If you want in on this, email me at kab67@duke.edu. Or come to our meeting today at 1:00 PM in Alpine Atrium. Now on to the meat of the post...

Dear Women in the LGBT Community,

Hello. It’s difficult to phrase what I have to say to you, but I’m going to try. It’s the least I can do. I’ve seen and heard many things about how LGBT men at Duke don’t give our women the same respect as they do our men, and what I want to tell you is that I support you. When I came here at the beginning of last semester as an uncomfortable first-year just coming to terms with what his sexuality might mean in the exciting and new environment of college, it was you that made me most comfortable. When made my first probing visit to the Center to see if it was you who spoke to me first. (Specifically, I’m talking about Jen) You struck up a casual conversation, and something about the relaxed tone of your voice and the body language which betrays an introverted nature made me know that I wasn’t alone. That I’m not the only queer person who prefers a book to a social gathering. I have to admit, I looked forward to coming to the Center whenever I could, hoping that you’d be sitting there. You made this place feel that much more like home.

You didn’t just make me comfortable, you made me uncomfortable in the best possible way. (Megan, shout out to you on this section) You made me think about how so much of what I do and think on a day to day basis is inherently sexist. You made me confront my prejudices that I didn’t even realize were sexist. You opened my eyes to the fact that many of my beliefs and actions were inherently sexist and I did not even realize it. You’ve forced me to think, and I can’t thank you enough.

You’ve done so much for me to make me comfortable and to help me progress as a person, so how can I stand by while I hear you express your feelings of alienation in the Community? My best friend is a queer woman, the person who helped me awaken my feminist side is a queer woman, and the person who made me feel most welcome in the Center is a queer woman. As such, it baffles me that some would consider you less valuable as members of our Community. Even more confusing is what I’ve heard from some people, that they don’t see women’s issues as particularly important on the grand scheme of things. Well, I want to tell you that I DO think that women’s issues are very important. I also want to say that I want your input not just on women’s issues, but on every issue. You deserve the same respect as every other member of this community.

Something that’s given me pause of late, however, is the question of how I can help. I know that I find something very wrong with the average treatment of women in today’s society, but I don’t know what to do to solve it. It isn’t your responsibility to have these answers, but I wonder, how can I help? I want to support you in any way that I can, but I’m curious, what should I do? This might just be part of me processing this new feminist impulse, but I’m kind of at a loss for where to go from here. Any advice as to what you would like to see from me, and other men who think like I do, please share.

As for us men, it’s time we stopped being passive about this. I know there’s a lot of us out there that are better than our more sexist peers. So maybe it’s time we stepped up and told people to shut up when they’re being sexist, and correct the incorrect assumptions. Maybe we can try to make it cripplingly uncool to objectify women as purely objects for sexual desire and conquest. That might just be a pipe dream, but I think it’s worth a try.

Anonymous Posts (1.10.12-1.16.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Hey folks! Breathe a sigh of relief; FWOC is over.

Today is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day and Duke has some fun and meaningful things planned. Check here if you're looking for a way to commemorate MLK's legacy.

I'm out of creative juices, so I'll recount a cool moment from my time at Duke that is related to MLK Day and Amendment 1. In 2010, Duke had the pleasure of welcoming openly bisexual Arizona state legislator Kyrsten Sinema to campus (plug: Sinema just announced that she is running for U.S. Congress!). A few years earlier, Sinema had helped lead the first and only campaign in the country to ever defeat a referendum vote on a constitutional amendment that would define marriage to be between one man and one woman (Hey, North Carolina, what do you say we become the second?). During her lunch with students at the LGBT Center, she shared that her favorite quote was by MLK: "The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice."

Now, notes from OC.

#1
Stuff Cis People Say To Trans People

#2
People assume that, since I'm a girl, I'm ashamed of my sideburns. I bring this up because I recently read an article on autostraddle (awesome website) about women embracing their facial hair. At first I thought it was weird and that I could never do that...but then I realised that I EFFING LOVE MY SIDEBURNS!

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Anonymous Posts (12.26.11-1.2.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Welcome to the first installation of anonymous posts in 2012! And, um, forget 2011...can anyone tell me where winter break has gone? No, really.

This week went especially quickly, so quickly that if you didn't have a chance to read last week's posts, now's your chance! John wrote allegorically about his role in the community; Megan opened up about some personal experiences to defend WLW, Pruitt recalls a conversation he had with his ex-boyfriend about love and sexuality, and Denzell finished the year with a post sorting through his identity as Black gay man, or perhaps as a gay Black man.

Now we're here, in 2012, and starting to call for SENIOR posts. Yeah, that's right. We graduate this year, folks! So get to your keyboard and let us know what Duke, this Community, your LGBTQA identity, etc, has meant to you. Email them to bluedevilsunited@gmail.com!

I hope that everybody has a wonderful winter break, but here at the Blue Devils United Blog we know that that isn't always the case. There can be a lot of anxieties about going home, which may mean going back in the closet or coming out to family and friends or any number of things. Please reach out to the resources at the bottom if you find yourself in a position where you need support. We're a community and we're here to support each other, so keep checking the blog for new content and be sure to keep up with each other, as well.

Now, notes from OC!

#1
THIS. THIS THIS THIS

#2
Russia's Gay Revolution, As Seen by An American Abroad

#3
I really do not understand the argument "hate the sin, love the sinner." In all seriousness, what is there to hate about someone who, for all practical purposes, lives an admirable life, but is gay? Does the Christian/whatever else God (full disclosure, I was religious and am now atheist) really just hate the action of a man or woman kissing another of the same sex? Is it that bad?! If so, I think that this God is then a pretty damn judgmental one at best. I'm so frustrated with the whole argument that "God doesn't hate gays, he hates the gay lifestyle." Seriously? What about my life style is there to loathe so badly? I think I lead a pretty sensible life.. what's so bad about me? Oh, it must be that I like men? It seems then that my love delegitimizes my entire life. Hmm..

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Anonymous Posts (12.13.11-12.19.11)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Anddddd, that's a wrap! First semester, I mean.

Got the grades you wanted? Congrats!! Didn't? Relax; neither did most of us. The semester is over, you made it; that is something to be proud of!

Really cool! Duke LGBT Network President, Kyle Knight, and former Duke Women's Basketball superstar, Abby Waner, wrote an article for HuffPo about LGBT rights in the NBA and US (fun fact: Kyle was a practice player for the team).

Also, if you were really busy studying last week and missed our five fantastic posts, catch them here: "Q & A with Your token Queer Friend" by Logan, "Some Shameless Advertiesment, and Thoughts of Home" by Kyle, "Another Shameless Plug and a Few of My Most Stressful Things" by AJ , "Freshman Christmas Again (Also How I Became an Ally) by Mary Claire, and "Snap. Crackle. Pop." by Kory!

I hope that everybody has a wonderful winter break, but here at the Blue Devils United Blog we know that that isn't always the case. There can be a lot of anxieties about going home, which may mean going back in the closet or coming out to family and friends or any number of things. Please reach out to the resources at the bottom if you find yourself in a position where you need support. We're a community and we're here to support each other, so keep checking the blog for new content and be sure to keep up with each other, as well.

Now, notes from OC!

#1
I teared up reading this. What can I say, I'm a sap.

#2
I'm conflicted and irritated. I'm in a relationship and things are going well! But I know that I'm not out to any number of my facebook friends (despite the fact that my orientation is on fb) and feel like "in a relationship with so-and-so" would bring unnecessary attention to that. Even if I just added "in a relationship," it seems like I could risk alienating friends who I have no choice but to live and work with for the next year. and I wish it weren't so! For my straight friends, it's just nothing--add it or not, whatever (not that they don't or won't struggle to decide when to make it public). But for me it's an agonizing decision that seems super important. This just seems unfair and difficult for all the wrong reasons.

#3
I had my first gay experience ( I'll call it that for lack of a better term) yesterday! I have often heard that when two gay girls look each other in the eye they can immediately know that they are both gay. I wasn't a believer in this theory until I looked a gay girl in the eye as she was boarding my plane. She stared right back at me and then took a middle seat ( a middle seat people!) So she could sit next to me even though there were end seats galore behind me. Sadly, I'm pretty shy so our convo didn't go much beyond, "what time is it?" And "oh yeah arizona doesn't have daylight savings." Even though I kind of failed, I'm still glad this whole thing happened. For some reason it's just nice to know that I look gay.

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Girl Crushes

[Author's Note: I originally wrote this post in mid-June.]

Step 1. Tell someone I’m questioning my sexuality (see a future post on how this goes)
Step 2. That person asks if I have a crush on a girl
Step 3. Tell that person, “No.”
Step 4. That person asks if I have ever had a crush on a girl
Step 5. Tell that person, “I don’t know.”
Step 5½. Sound stupid.

The questioning process has raised well, a lot of questions for me. I’ve spent a lot of time examining past crushes (on boys) and past friendships (with girls). I’ve thought about my current friendships, with both boys and girls. I’ve wondered about the many (female) role models I had while growing up.

All of that said, I can’t actually tell you if I’ve ever had a crush on a girl. Maybe it sounds ridiculous for someone who has never had a crush on a girl to be questioning her sexuality. In fact, I remember the first time I told someone I was questioning and they asked me about my crush history. I knew it didn’t really add up. But not having crushes also doesn’t really add up.

So I thought that maybe I had crushes that I just didn’t recognize as crushes, for whatever reason. Maybe I experienced the same feelings that others experience when they’re crushing on someone, but don’t call it a crush. Maybe I had a crush on a guy at some point, but brushed it aside. Maybe I had a crush on a woman and didn’t know because I wasn’t open to feeling those things.

Well, I feel pretty confident that I haven’t recently had a crush on a guy. I have a little more experience with those, and think I’d recognize it as familiar (for instance, five year old Risa was pretty fond of her brother’s 3rd grade best friend, Kyle. And if you're wondering, recent facebook stalking has proven that five year old Risa had great tastes and a keen ability to project future looks).

On the other hand, all of my friends who are queer women have told me that after coming out they realized that they had a crush on such and such a person (or x, y, and z people). But I don’t really know how I’m supposed to know that. I don’t remember ever feeling sexual attraction for my childhood best friend(s) or any other woman in my life—but admittedly, I wasn’t super open to the idea when I was younger (since I thought I knew I was straight). I don’t know how I’m supposed to remember exactly what that friendship was like, so many years after it dissolved, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to know whether whatever those feelings were would constitute a “crush.”

What does it even mean to have a crush on someone? There are tons of people (both men and women) in my life about whom I am crazy. With all of these people, I am invested in their lives, they make me laugh and smile, I’m always excited to see them, I like talking with them, I trust them, I admire and respect them and I want them to have a role in my life for as long as I live. Would I make out with those people? Yeah, probably, sure, I guess; if they started it. But I don’t have any desire or need to do that with them. “Yeah, probably, sure, I guess; if they started it” isn’t exactly the kind of attitude I imagine someone having about a crush.

This exercise of reflecting and examining left me without many answers. And then I read this blog post by a woman who realized what all of her past relationships were missing: “The Ripping Off His Clothes Factor.” She dated a guy who she loved to be around, talk and laugh with, but with whom she didn’t have any sexual chemistry. Now that she is dating another man, one with whom she loves to be around, talk and laugh with, and for whom she has a desire to rip his clothes off, she understands that the personality characteristics aren’t enough on which to base a relationship. (Apparently) there is more to a crush than thinking someone is an amazing human being who compliments you in life. Her wisdom led me to conclude that all of these amazing women in my life are just that—wonderful women and fantastic friends—and that the few men in my life with whom I am close are some of the best friends I could ask for.

So, have I ever had a crush on a girl? Not that I know of.
Have I ever had a crush on a guy? Yes, but not in years.

Which, in short, is why I’m “questioning.”

PDA and Powwows

[Editor's note: Please welcome our very newest blogger, Ye'tha'thne. We are thrilled to have her! Ye'tha'thne is the first Native American writer for this blog.]

I took her to my hometown and she met my family – as my friend, of course. We were careful to remember that our hands shouldn’t touch and that we shouldn’t stand too close to one another. I forced myself not to look at her for too long, thinking that this might help to temporarily weaken the natural pull between my body and hers. Anyway, everyone loved her. Every room she walked into got a little brighter and a tad warmer than before. She was a conversational artist able to talk to anyone about anything, and her smile… her smile was like an all-access pass to the best stories and funniest jokes we had to offer, and she drank them all in. I kept thinking, How would they feel about her if they knew?

It’s such a strange feeling to be elated about something that some people won’t want to hear about. The very thing that makes you ecstatic becomes a secret that you keep for someone else. Suddenly she was this beautiful spectacle that I could watch and hear, but only from an “appropriate” distance. It’s as if someone had taken everything I want and put it in a museum with a “Please do not touch” sign and guards standing watch. I literally had to clasp my hands together at times to keep from reaching out for hers, and I hated it. At times it felt like my heart was pounding out of my chest, and it probably was, just trying to get me to get closer to her.

This isn’t the first time this has happened, but I’m still not used to it and I don’t ever want to be. Everywhere we go, I wait for cues as to whether or not it’s a safe space. By safe, I mean a space where we both feel comfortable about being ourselves and being publicly affectionate. Neither one of us is big on PDA, but it’s more about this captive and weirdly instinctive feeling that you have to monitor your emotions and expressions in certain places. That feeling usually triggers a lot of other feelings and thoughts for me. For instance

Why am I playing this game? So what if some people are uncomfortable? I’m SO happy, and so is she. Why should we have to mute this amazing feeling to save someone else from their awkward moment? Why does discovering one of the most important, beautiful and liberating aspects of my identity automatically put me in a place that I have to “come out” of? It’s ironic that we both want to change the world, but we buy into its stupid unspoken rules depending on the situation. I get it though – sometimes it’s not easy and/or safe for someone to be “out” at a job or in a certain social arena. But you know what? She’s the kind of woman that makes you want to tell everybody what color really looks like and how music really sounds. She makes me want to sit down and have the talk I never thought I’d have with my small-town, sweet, southern Mama. She inspires me to be as strong as my Native name says I am. I’m not sure how much longer I can contain all of this...

We’re going to a powwow together this weekend, and a lot of people from my Native community will be there. Most of them don’t know that I’m attracted to women, and most of them probably wouldn’t be okay with that. I keep imagining what it will be like to introduce this beautiful, incredible woman to so many people as my “friend” when I really want to tell them how alive she makes me feel. I’m dreading that lonely distance that we’ll keep from each other, the inhibiting hand-clasping, the nervous eye aversions…

But what if I didn’t do any of that? I live by a lot of little sayings and mantras, but one of them has become especially salient as of late. Don’t apologize for how you feel. As humans, love and emotion are the most organic, genuine, worthwhile, and purposeful experiences we can have. Why would I apologize for actually being able to feel something that some people never feel in an entire lifetime? I only get one shot to live my life and do it the way I want to do it. And honestly, my happiness and her smile are most certainly worth a little discomfort.

WOMYN Wednesday

Hey, everyone!

I promised to keep you in the loop about WOMYN, so here's the rundown: Our Senior Layout Editor, Robert Kollenberg, has begun putting the magazine together. We're also working with an artist to create a unique cover design for the magazine, as well as a layout redesign. Finally, just as a reminder, if you're on the Review Board, please return your comments on new submissions ASAP - y'all are the ones who have the power to accept or reject submissions!

I don't know if y'all are interested in my eensy saga of grad school applications, but I'll keep telling you anyway. So, I decided to leave my LGBTQ-related activities on my C.V. without offering any kind of explanation. In most ways, it has been a non-issue, but there is one particular incident that was a little unsettling.

Some of you know that, in addition to applying to graduate school, I'm in the midst of the scholarship competitions for the Rhodes and the Marshall. In order to be an official candidate from Duke, I had to have an institutional endorsement interview, which works kind of like a mock scholarship interview and a constructive criticism session all rolled into one. As you might imagine, it was pretty stressful, and I was very nervous. The interview was more of a rapid-fire grilling session than anything else - I was asked about a range of things pertaining to my thesis and my personal statement. Some of the questions I couldn't answer (I don't yet know everything about the sixteenth century in France, unfortunately), which didn't really help. The last question, though, sent me over the edge. I was asked what the climate was like for LGBTQ people on campus, and whether that environment had anything to do with my involvement with WOMYN.

I was not in any way expecting such a question, and my experience as part of the LGBTQ community is not something that I enjoy explaining to a roomful of complete strangers. Nor is it a story that I should have to tell, especially since my interviewers are human, with their own notions and prejudices that could affect whether I continue in the competitions.

I got something coherent out before I started crying uncontrollably (mortifying). Now, let's be clear: there are certain questions that should never be asked, and the one I responded to probably falls under that category as well. My situation is a little different - because it was not a job interview, I don't think that there is any kind of legal issue at stake. However, I think that every interview should follow the same basic, ethical principles. One of those is that no one has the right to force you to come out (or to out you) in any setting. We still have to negotiate a world full of prejudices and injustices, and in many states (and other nations) we have no protection against discrimination for being LGBTQ. So, know your rights, people, and assert them if you have any doubt about a situation.

My story has a happy ending, or perhaps a new, happy beginning: I am continuing on in both scholarship competitions, which is very exciting. I don't know how much farther I'll get, but even being at this point is amazing.

Anonymous Posts (9.26.11-10.2.11)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Hey, yo! It was a great week for us here at the blog. Jacob made it onto Pam's House Blend...which is just, there are no words for that. We welcomed our second 2015 blogger, and our first ever faculty blogger.

This week is going to be a great week in the Community, too! Spectrum is meeting on Tuesday from 6-7pm in the Center. Blue Devils United (you know, the Higher Power behind This Blog) is meeting on Wednesday at 5:30, also at the Center. Followed by a blog meeting (the Actual Higher Powers That Be) on Thursday night, 9pm, location TBA. Not to mention, we have another newbie blogger and our first installation of Throwback Thursdays lined up!

Did anyone see this article from CNN on transgender children? It was pretty good. It is also where I learned that Sonny and Cher's child is an out transman (sorry I'm only years behind of this). Oh, and better yet, the Center has his memoir! But if you'd rather stay staring at your computer, you can read an excerpt from it on Oprah.com. If you're wondering, that is information I just happen to know and is obviously not because I spent an hour reading article after article about LGBTQ issues.

And for those of you who celebrated Rosh Hashannah last week, I sincerely hope it was meaningful and included inordinate amounts of apples dipped in honey.

And now, for notes from Our Community (OC...#ThisWillCatchOn).

#1
Love the new layout! xoxo

#2
I was molested when I was 7 years old. As a result of the assault my sexuality was awakened. I had access to the internet, and spent days “researching” whatever information I could find. I would “experiment” with other children. I wrote stories to help understand the concepts that society said I wasn’t yet ready to deal with. Most of the characters were all girls. The other children I experimented with were always girls. I’ve always been attracted to girls, and I’ve always sort of knew. It was never something I questioned, just something I’d always accepted. It was a part of me. I liked girls. As well as guys, but, you know, that’s a given, right? [/sarcasm.] I never really questioned my identity until I was older. And not whether I was straight or queer, but whether I was bisexual or a lesbian. That little nagging voice in the back of my head started going, “What if…?” What if I didn’t really like boys? What if I only liked girls? Most of my previous attractions had been to girls, so I must be a lesbian. But I’d had crushes on guys as well, so I couldn’t be. This went on for a while, until one day, the thought hit me: what if I’m lying to myself? Because at that point, I’d suddenly remembered that I had been molested when I was 7 years old. It wasn’t something that I had necessarily repressed; I’ve always remembered, I remember every detail of what happened; I just never dwelled on it. Until then. What if I only thought I was a lesbian because I had been molested? What if I was trying to compensate for the violation I felt by doing a one-eighty and going in the complete opposite direction of what I was supposed to? Would that explain my sexual attraction to girls? Would it explain my emotional attraction to boys, but the debilitating anxiety that I felt whenever anything remotely sexual with them occurred? Was that why I had an anxiety attack every time my ex tried to initiate sex, or even touch me in any intimate way? Am I not really attracted to girls? Am I just lying to myself? The possibility that my sexual orientation could be the result of a traumatic childhood experience was devastating for me, and it bothered me for quite a while. It was an identity crisis that I never could have imagined I would have to deal with. For now I tend to just not think about it, so I don’t know how badly I’ve been “damaged” by it. And I don’t want what happened to turn into an excuse, for anything, so I ignore it. For now I’ve accepted that I like people of both the same and opposite gender/gender presentations. That’s just who I am. But even to this day, those doubts still linger in the back of my mind, that irksome voice always asking that elusive “What if…?”

[Editor's Note: Thank you for writing in, #2. If you are looking for in-person support, please see the resources at the bottom of this post or consider making an appointment with the Women's Center's Sheila Broderick, a feminist therapist who specializes in sexual violence. In addition to talking through your concerns with you, Sheila can also help inform you of what your options are when it comes to reporting your assault and seeking academic relief, etc.]

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

WOMYN Wednesday

First, I want to send a huge thank you to everyone who has submitted to WOMYN! Our next issue is going to be wonderful! We would still love to have some ideas for cover art, so if you want to help with that please talk to Robert Kollenberg, our Senior Layout Editor, or email womynatduke@gmail.com as soon as possible. Finally, if you want to submit something but missed the deadline, please talk to me (Jennifer).

Okay, so that's pretty much it for WOMYN news, although we will keep you in the loop in the weeks to come! I would now like to offer a (tangentially related) personal musing. Read on if you wish.

Applications for graduate programs in my field opened on September 1. So, I've been working hard to whip my C.V. into shape, find professors willing to write references, and write a compelling personal statement. One thing I had to think about a lot was whether to disclose my involvement with the BDU blog and WOMYN - not because they're not important to me (because they really are!), but because it would mean coming out to more people, specifically the professors who are writing reference letters for me. Oh, of course it's not a blatant kind of coming out. Rather, it's the ambiguous kind that leaves room for so many awkward questions and assumptions.

I wouldn't consider myself super closeted at Duke, but there are some situations in which I don't think coming out is a useful or relevant act. My professors don't need to know I'm queer in order to write me a letter of reference, and graduate programs don't need to know in order to decide whether I'm a good candidate. Thus, coming out seems like an overshare. However, I've been fighting (with myself, with peer pressure, etc.) for years to be fully myself, and expunging all LGBTQ-related activities from my C.V. and things would feel like lying or going back in the closet. It's a weird situation for me. I've basically decided to leave that information in, but to offer no explanation. I would rather show my involvement with activities that are important to me and open myself up to questions and assumptions than erase them from the story I tell to recommenders and graduate schools.

WOMYN Wednesday!

Hello, all you marvelous readers!

I do not have a poll for you today. Instead, I wish to remind you of something much more exciting and momentous:

WOMYN is hosting a submission-writing party TOMORROW from 8-10PM in the Center. The deadline for submitting your ever-fabulous perspectives on being a queer woman at Duke is this Friday, September 16. But, writing those submissions can be very difficult, which is why WOMYN has decided to help create an atmosphere that makes writing fun and communal. Because, really, we are all part of such as strong and dynamic community, and WOMYN is a tangible symbol of that community. Therefore, it makes sense that we all share in the writing process - to cheer each other on, make suggestions, and otherwise provide a supportive environment. But wait! There's more! If you come to the party, you will also receive food, FREE with your attendance!

In the meantime, I urge you to keep spreading the word about WOMYN. When it comes down to it, WOMYN is both a record of our community and a conversation among community members. We need as many voices as possible to be included in that conversation. So, please take a WOMYN bookmark to give to a friend, send an email, share a copy of the first issue - we will all benefit by encouraging others to submit. Additionally, for the artistically-inclined, WOMYN is looking for an awesome new cover design. We want this issue to be as slick as the first! You can send your submissions (art and otherwise) to womynatduke@gmail.com. We look forward to seeing the wonderful things you have to offer!

Anonymous Posts (8.30.11-9.5.11)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Congratulations on making it all the way through FWOC (first week of classes)! I sincerely hope that everyone is feeling settled and finding your way around campus successfully.

Things are starting to get busy around here, so be sure to stay tuned for announcements and lots of regularly updated content!

The first Blue Devils United (the student group that sponsors this blog!) meeting of the semester is on Wednesday at 5:30 in the LGBT Center (02 West Union/right under the loop).

There will be a BDU BlOG Meeting on Thursday at 9, location TBA. WE'RE LOOKING FOR NEW WRITERS OF ALL YEARS! You need not identify as anything other than a member of the LGBTQ and Ally Community.We'll be brainstorming how to make this blog even better, setting up new accounts for new writers and a posting schedule. So come one, come all--email Risa with questions/concerns/etc.

Women Loving Women and Athletes United also meet for the first time of the year this week.
*WLW: Thursday, 6-8pm, LGBT Center.
*Athletes United (varsity athletes only, please!): Sunday (11th), 6-7pm, LGBT Center.

Be sure to check out the first Fab Friday of the year (on Friday, duh). 4-6pm in the Center.

Now for your anonymous posts!

#1
I saw two guys walking and holding hands on campus today (and not as a joke). Things are looking pretty good this year!

#2
Help out a clueless frosh: where's the LGBT-friendly nightlife on campus? I haven't been able to find anywhere where loud music and irresponsible decisions aren't paired with super-straight hookup culture.

#3
For me, high school was a mess my senior year. Fell in love with my best friend, quasi dated her and as most lesbians can tell you...it ended badly. Freshmen year I stayed closeted and in the summer I decided maybe I'm just not gay. I have an emotional attraction to other girls and my attraction to guys varies from physical to nonexistent. The only things keeping me from pursuing other girls are religion and my parents. Both disapprove of homosexuality. I find myself trying to be straight (and failing a lot) while wanting to be gay.But, at the same time I wonder how I could possibly be gay when I don't really want to have sex with other girls. Whenever I'm really excited/happy about something going great in my life I'm always like "see I don't need to be gay I'm happy right now" but other times I find myself wanting to know why it's not ok for me to live how I want. Hell, I've never had a real girlfriend so I don't even know if I am gay. I guess in a nutshell, I want to try dating other girls because I really think I'm gay, but I don't want the punishment from God or the wrath of my parents that would go along with that. I also don't want to hurt anyone or make them feel like I'm using them just to find out if I'm gay. But really, isn't dating another girl the only way to find out?. Basically, I'm questioning, it sucks, and right now the only people I complain to are complete strangers via a computer screen (no offense :])

/>Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

2015ers Leading the Way

Well, if there was ever any question about the role that the class of 2015 would play on campus, let me assure you that they are here and already blazing a trail.

I sort of “came out” in class today (is that what it’s called when you’re questioning and in a complicated place with things?). But I shouldn’t get any credit. Really, the credit should go to the first year student who came out within the first five minutes of class. And who, in doing so, showed me that it could, in fact, be done and that our classroom was safe.

The class, “Race, Gender, and Sexuality” is cross-listed in a bunch of departments. At eight students, it’s a small class. To help us understand the complexity of identities, our professor asked us to share a time when our identities were misinterpreted. One girl talked about being of mixed-ethnicity and therefore being “ethnically ambiguous.” Another student talked about going to a wealthy high school, but actually being from a working class family. Interestingly enough, a few women in my class remembered being cast-type as a lesbian (one is an athlete; the others didn’t dress with a hyper-feminine flare growing up). My gut instinct was to explain how people outside of the LGBT Center/BDU everyone assumed I was straight, and how while in the Center/BDU or other LGBT-spaces people assumed I was a lesbian. As we went around in a circle to share our stories, I debated whether or not I should share that experience. Maybe it would just be easier to explain that being Jewish in a pretty-Christian society left me needing to explain my faith throughout my life (think, especially pre-College). In the end, I opted to share both (many students were sharing a few experiences).

Marianne Williamson once wrote that “as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” If not for that 2015 student who shared that he was gay during an earlier part of the class, I would not have even considered sharing my own experience.

Thank you, 2015er, for shining your light and liberating me. Thank you for letting me, the senior, follow your lead.

WOMYN Wednesday!

Well, first things first: I hope that everyone had a fabulous summer! To those who are returning readers of the blog: welcome back! To our new readers (I'm looking at you in particular, Class of '15): welcome to Duke and to the BDU Blog!

A few days ago, Megan wrote up a wonderful post about the many resources and activities for LGBTQ students at Duke. One of those resources is WOMYN, Duke's student publication by and for queer women on campus. I mention WOMYN specifically because I am Jennifer, the current Editor. WOMYN is currently looking for submissions for the next issue, so please send your work to womynatduke@gmail.com. We want everything from comic strips to poetry, as long as it has a queer women's focus, and if you are part of the Duke community, you can submit. The deadline is September 16, which will be here sooner than we realize!

Part of WOMYN's content is also generated by WOMYN Wednesday Polls. Because summer is always (surprisingly) busy for everyone, I thought I'd do a quick round-up of the polls posted in the past few months. Never fear, there aren't too many, so you can fill them out during your lunch break, or between bouts of packing/unpacking/orientation activities. Additionally, it's a fact that participating in these super-short surveys will raise your IQ by a minimum of 5 points. So go hither, thither, and yon to register your responses, which could appear in WOMYN's next issue!

I'll be back on campus this Friday, about which I'm super-excited, and I'd love to talk to you in person about WOMYN if you like!

WOMYN Wednesday!

Hey, everyone! So, you might have noticed that there was no WOMYN Wednesday post last week. The reason is that I was at home, in Atlanta. I took the GRE last Tuesday, because I am a super-nerd and want to go to grad school as soon as I finish college. And then I fled Durham on Wednesday at 5:00 AM to make the 6ish-hour drive home. Once there, I had to curtail all activities involving rainbows, glitter, unicorns, and civil rights activism (in no particular order). Now, however, I’m back in Durham, and I have another survey for you!

What do you want to do after college? (Click on the question to take the survey.)

The questions in the survey have been on my mind quite a bit lately, since this year I’m a senior. Soon, I will be leaving the wonderful world of Duke, although I will probably end up in a place that also requires spending inordinate amounts of time in the library. (That’s actually my ideal situation, by the way: I was born to embrace the nerdy side of life.) So, I already know what I want to do with my life, and I think it would be really interesting to hear from y’all. The real world – which I plan to stay out of, for the most part – is a much different place, and there are many of us who will live and struggle in it once we leave Duke. A lot of us are fairly involved with the LGBTQ community here, but Duke, for all of its faults when it comes to providing a safe environment for us, is a very closed, rarified, even, dare I say, liberal community compared to many parts of the US and the world. Suddenly, being LGBTQ or an Ally may become more difficult or dangerous for some of us. So, please take this survey – it’s not all serious, but I hope it at least makes you think a bit!

P.S. Once you’ve finished taking the survey, please send your submissions to womynatduke@gmail.com! The inbox is so empty that when I shout at my computer screen, there’s an echo. You can submit artwork, comics, essays, poems, photographs – anything, as long as it’s your work and it has a queer women’s focus. If you want to submit something but are struggling with ideas, feel free to ask any of the editors, and be sure to check out WOMYN’s first issue. WOMYN is super-important, y’all – by its very existence it changes campus, but it can’t do that without a community effort. So please, submit – you have until September 16!

The Exceedingly Enthralling Adventures of Jennifer: Part the First

This post is going to be a little bit different from previous Wednesday posts. I said in my very first post that I would be sharing some of my story with you in addition to putting up the WOMYN Wednesday polls. (You should totally take them and share them with your friends, by the way!)

I thought I would tell you one of my coming-out stories. As I’m sure you know, coming out can be a huge and drawn-out process, as well as an uncomfortable or frightening experience. This particular coming-out experience happened at the beginning of last Fall.

I live in the Wellness Community, in Crowell G. For those of you who aren’t familiar with it, we’re a substance-free community that focuses on mindful, healthy living. It’s a great mix of people of all faith traditions, backgrounds, majors, personality types, etc. As part of an effort to build a stronger sense of community, our RC, Laura Kirkland, had decided that we would all go on a mandatory, day-long retreat to Camp New Hope. I was very nervous about it for many reasons: I’m pretty shy, so large groups of people make me nervous, and I generally dislike team-building exercises; I was overloading in a big way that semester, so I already had a ton of work to do; and I had just begun coming to terms with my sexuality, but I wasn’t really out to many people.

Despite my fears, the retreat began well. Laura had some ice-breakers that were new to me, and very fun, and there was food, which is never a bad thing. The more time I spent with the other members of Wellness, the more I realized that we had a lot in common. Of course, it helped that everyone was very nice. The difficult part was soon to come, though.

One of the Wellness requirements is that you have a SMART Goal - that is, a Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Timely goal. For a lot of people, the SMART Goal had to do with one of the more obvious/traditional parts of “living well” – sleep, nutrition, or exercise. But mine was different – I wanted to be more out and visible on campus by the end of the year. Here’s the rub: we had to write our goals down and give them to Laura, and then we had to discuss them with the other Wellness members. “Oh, what a perfect opportunity to start achieving your goal, Jennifer!” you might exclaim. Well, yes and no. It definitely would have given me a jump start. But, you see, I wasn’t ready yet – I had only just met some of these people, and I didn’t know their views about LGBTQ people/issues. Furthermore, I didn’t really want to be “that queer girl” – I am so much more than my sexuality. So, I compromised – I wrote down my real goal, but I made up a fake one to tell the other Wellness members. However, at that moment I decided that I had to tell my roommate as soon as possible.

When we returned from the retreat, I asked my RA for a Roommate Agreement Form – the one that you can use to inform your roommate about your sleep and study habits, as well as to make some of the other compromises that come with sharing a room (such a cunning plan for setting the stage, I know). My roommate, K, and I went over that form together – we had pretty similar habits, so that wouldn’t be a source of conflict. We came to the last question, which was a prompt for either of us to voice any concerns or information not covered in the questionnaire. At that point, I came out to her and then said something like, “I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfortable, but if it does, there’s still time to make a roommate change.” I was so nervous, y’all; K was really nice and seemed like she would be a great roommate, but we didn’t really know each other. You know what her response was when I told her that I was queer? “Oh, I kind of figured.” And that was it! Well, not really – throughout the year, I realized that she was a) such a good Ally, and b) totally willing to discuss LGBTQ/feminist/civil rights issues with me. Awesome, right? I couldn’t ask for a better roommate, or a better friend! Her fabulous response and support encouraged me to work towards achieving my SMART Goal, and that coming-out experience was the first of many. They haven't really gotten easier, but I now know that there are so many people, from so many different groups on campus, who are supportive and wonderful.

(P.S. It would be awesome if you wanted to share some of your stories, either in the comments or as submissions to WOMYN. The womynatduke@gmail.com Inbox is achingly empty - last year's submissions are desperate for some young, hip company! You know, WOMYN is kind of like Google+ : magazines need submissions like social networks need people. Otherwise, neither of them is very fun.)

WOMYN Wednesday!

Happy Wednesday, everyone! So, WOMYN Wednesday was on a slightly unexpected hiatus last week, but it's back with an extremely serious question for you:

What is your favorite queer hangout in Durham?

As you should know by now, Durham is pretty queer, and it’s awesome. It took me a long time to realize just how awesome, because I am super-nerdy and am usually in the library or in my room, studying. I’m also not good at bars or clubs, because I don’t drink much, and I cannot dance to save my life (ask anyone). Fortunately for me, there are other options when I want to be surrounded by queer people. (Note: I’m using "queer" as a kind of catch-all term, because I don't want to leave anyone in the LGBTQA community out of this discussion.)

So, WOMYN wants to know just where you like to spend your weekends/weekdays/spare time/life. Filling out this very short survey is practically a public service, y’all – just think about those of us who are still in the dark about Durham. You can dispel that darkness, right here, right now!

And, after you’ve taken the survey, please send your submissions to WOMYN at womynatduke@gmail.com! Your perspectives are both welcome and necessary, because without you as part of the WOMYN team, this magazine would not be the amazing publication that it is and can continue to be!

Anonymous Posts (6.27.11-7.4.11)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

I spent this past week leading a five-day kayaking and camping trip. It was so refreshing to talk with my campers about homophobia and LGBTQ rights stuff. They just Get It; I was so impressed. I can't even tell you. And when I explained to them that I'm open to the possibility of dating a girl, not one of them flinched. In fact, they thought it was really respectable that I was determined to be with whoever I fell in love with, regardless of that person's gender. So yeah, my campers Rock At Life. Our first session actually ends today, though, so now it's back to square one.

In other news, the US Women's National Soccer Team has advanced to the quarterfinals in the World Cup! They earned the top spot in Group C after beating Korea and Colombia by a combined five goals (and giving up none).

Now for anonymous posts!

#1
so here's the deal. I'm a queer-identified women and I'm all about some flannel shirts and other kinds of button-ups usually worn by men. they're just SO comfortable. How do the rest of you feel about rocking this kind of clothing as a women? do you find it TOO stereotypical? do you avoid it *because* it's stereotypical? I used to, but now I'm thinking... heck, if I like it, there is really no reason not to wear it...


Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over summer, too! If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

WOMYN Wednesday

Happy Wednesday, y’all! Just to remind you, submissions to WOMYN’s second issue are due September 16, 2011! We’re super-excited about this issue – it’s going to be so awesome, because all of you are awesome, and so are your submissions (without your voices, WOMYN’s awesomeness quotient is going to suffer, though. Just sayin’.) So please send your poetry, prose, cartoons, photographs, etc. to womynatduke@gmail.com!!! And now, it’s time for the first WOMYN Wednesday Poll of the summer:

Do you feel comfortable coming to the LGBT Center?

(Click here to take survey)

Although this question isn’t directed specifically or exclusively to queer women, it’s an important question to ask, because it applies to everyone, queer or not.

There’s been a lot of discussion this past year, both on and off the BDU Blog, about the LGBT Center at Duke. In fact, at times this discussion has approached argument status, mostly due to the apparently polarizing nature of this space on campus. (Disclaimer: the following is based on what the writer, Jennifer, has seen/heard, and should not be taken as a reflection of anyone else’s experience or opinion.)

The Duke LGBT community is made up of many different kinds of people – some are very active, out, and open, while others are not. Many of the most out and open members are often the most vocal and visible LGBT people to the rest of the Duke community. (And let’s not forget the awesome allies who stand beside us – they’re one of the As in LGBTQQIAA, and their support and advocacy makes a positive impact every day.) A significant number of these members of the LGBT community tend to hang out in the Center on a regular basis, whether it’s for Fab Friday, for one of the several discussion groups hosted by the Center, or just to do homework, surf the web, and chat with friends. These people are sometimes referred to as “The Community” or “The Center Gays,” usually in a negative context.

There are other LGBT people here at Duke who do not regularly come to the Center. That’s fine – that’s awesome, in fact. Coming to the Center is not a requirement, and far be it from anyone to force others to go anywhere against their will. Sometimes the Center seems downright scary, especially for those who are questioning, closeted, or new to Duke. Some might see the Center as superfluous or confining.

The fact that there is such a division (these two groups are broad generalizations) within Duke’s LGBT community is not bad, nor is it unexpected. But sometimes we seem a mere hop, skip, and jump away from a really hurtful conflict, which is bad. A blog post addressing this issue happened earlier this year, as did some discussions in comments on the blog. There was even a meeting about it. However, after some comments on the Anonymous Posts this week, it appears that we haven’t yet resolved the discussion. So, please take the survey – your responses will be a helpful addition to the discussion. (Do avoid any obviously inflammatory language in your comments, both on this post and within the survey – the survey is not meant to start an argument. On the contrary, we want a constructive conversation, so that there will be no need to discuss this issue further. )