Brothers and Sisters, Part 2

In collaboration with Ebony Way, we have decided to tag team these posts. We hope this is an effective medium and method to discuss a common topic of interest between writers. While Ebony Way discusses her influence with her little brother in her post, I will discuss my older sister's influence on me.

My sister is four years older than me, so between middle school, high school, and college, we've never been at the same school together. Which is perhaps a good thing, because she was able to tell me things I would need to know.

My sister and I never had a strong relationship. I mean, we are brother and sister, I do not think we are meant to have a good relationship. Then again, we were always busy, so most of our talks were fighting for something, in the interest of time.

Oh, did I mention that my sister is gay? 'Cause that's important to know. I always joke about how some chromosomes just didn't split correctly over the four years, but it happened, regardless.

We have never talked about our lives with each other. While I often feel that never cementing a strong relationship with my sister has not been a huge issue, I feel that never talking to her about being gay and vice versa has been an issue. I know that I can learn so much from her, yet I have not taken the time. I never even personally told her that I am gay.

However, I'm okay with that.

I've never had an easy time telling people that I'm gay. I find that I'd rather let people figure it out for themselves, or even ask. I refer back to labels, and my disgust for labels. I do not like being branded with labels. Whether it is gay, smart Asian, nerd, geek, or any other label, I despise these labels. People are more than words can describe, but often people generalize for every label, and gay is absolutely no exception to the rule. For one, I don't think it is necessary to immediately let people know that I am gay. My straight friends didn't introduce themselves to me as straight, so why should I introduce myself as gay to them? Also, I'm not a different person because I am gay. I am still me, but it just so happens that I'm gay; it really is not that big of a deal. It is analogous to how my roommate folds his pizza before eating it, or how my friend says her a's different; it is not a big deal, it just makes us unique. I would continue to elaborate, but I am afraid I've already taken my tangent too far.

My sister is the athlete in the family. She does crew, she plays soccer, softball, flag football, and pretty much most intramural sports that her college offers. I never had this athletic talent, and I envy her for that (although I am a quidditch player, so I guess there is some athleticism in me). I've always looked up to her as a role model for succeeding in college and life, and I hope that I can only succeed as well as she has.

I also look up to her as one of my LGBT models. Her girlfriend and her have been together for many years, and I only hope that I can emulate that sometime in my future. I know she doesn't read this, but if she does, I do love you very much, and I can't thank you enough for being a role model for me, even though I barely see you.

Brothers and Sisters, Part 1

My brother has always been a lively shadow of me. He’s goofy, fun, and adorable all on his own, but he constantly feels the need to do and say everything that I do. I suppose that’s how younger siblings are; they look up to you as if you’re some sort of super-human, prepared for everything without a single weakness or chunk of kryptonite to bring you down.

Younger siblings always want to be like Big Brother or Big Sister, and hey, what’s wrong with that? It might be the single joy in my life that I have a cuter, miniature male version of myself. He walks awkwardly like me, talks excitedly like me, smiles goofily like me, laughs at the same stupid things that I do. He can’t dance, hates flying insects, and loves to draw. He works hard, always looks to impress—always looking for approval.

The extent of his hero-worship is a bit extreme, however. Sometimes I find him eating foods he doesn’t like just because I like them. I see him choosing that character on Super Smash Bros. Brawl that he can’t play with to save his life, just because I mentioned liking that character. Before, he was an extreme imitator. He would’ve worn my clothes if he could’ve—worn my shoes that are far too large for him, and my jeans that are far too long for him.

My parents understand how my brother places me on a pedestal. When I came out to them, everything they said that night seemed confused and contradictory, but the one thing they did make clear was that my little brother was “not to see it” and by “it” they meant anything relating to homosexuality. I suppose they already had their silly fears for their son, who was 8 at the time.

He’s a small kid and a bit effeminate. What is there to expect from a boy who has grown up with two older sisters? There have been instances of school bullying when kids accused him of being gay (what do 3rd graders know about that? Really?) and even while playing with cousins the accusation has come up. I’m sure, after finding out that I was (well, what I told them was) bisexual that they thought I had somehow been affecting him. It’s such a simple fear, to have not one, but two queer children.

I didn’t really know how to go about shaping my brother in regards to this topic. I didn’t know how to go about telling him “it isn’t a bad thing” in a way that wasn’t telling him “Yes, mimic me! Desire the same sex.” I know he’s far too young to even be thinking about that, but what do I know about male development? Things that happen to us in our youth shape us into young adults. I tried to remain neutral whenever the topic arose, but I realize my neutrality may have come off as disapproving.

I don’t really have to worry about him wondering about my opinions now. I don’t see him as often as before and my weekend visits home are brief and infrequent, but I do know he wonders about it. He’s met my androgynous friends, met my exes and past potential girlfriends, and he’s seen the two lesbians with their son at church. He’s asked me “Why does she look like a boy?” and “Why does he have two moms?” and “Mommy says you’re gay; are you?” It’s difficult, because deep down I would give anything for him to be heterosexual. I know it’s far too early to be thinking that, and it really isn’t my problem but something inside is telling me to keep the possibilities away from him until he’s old enough to really think about it. It almost feels like I’m trying to protect him from it, which is stupid, because homosexuality isn’t something people need to be protected from (and with that being said, I reiterate that the previous statement about me wanting him to be heterosexual is merely a personal wish and that it isn't founded upon any sort of disdain for the queer community and that I know that it is his decision to make in the future).

I suppose I feel like my young, impressionable brother needs to be kept away from all sexual possibilities until he’s old enough to understand them. I don’t want to force him into any more of my opinions unknowingly. For now, I’ll continue to remain neutral to his questions—practically ignore him and change the topic if the questions continue to come. If I do somehow end up in a relationship, regardless of the sex of my partner, when my brother meets that person, s/he will only be a friend. I will not promote heterosexual or homosexual relationships in the presence of my brother. And, once I think he’s old enough, I’ll let him know about my own sexuality if he’s still curious and if he hasn’t figured it out on his own.

I love my brother dearly and without a doubt more than anyone else on this planet, and I know he loves me unconditionally. I can only hope that as he grows as a person he’ll be strong enough to develop his own opinions without the influence of others taking too much precedence over his own thoughts and beliefs. I won’t allow myself to force my opinions on him (however wonderful they are). I refuse to force my opinions on any young person I interact with and I will end this post with this scenario that happened not too long ago:

Every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday I work with/tutor kids from local elementary schools. It just so happened one Wednesday I was wearing my purple Love=Love shirt for LGBTQ Spirit Day over a long-sleeved shirt. When I arrived at the classroom I was wearing a jacket but it was notably hotter in the classroom and I decided to take it off. Without a moment’s hesitation I also removed my Love=Love shirt. Following my rule of not forcing opinions on children (who, in my opinion certainly aren’t old enough to comprehend and make decisions about things such as sexuality) I brought myself to the question of whether or not I needed to really do so. There are a number of reasons I thought of as to why I needed to do so, but there were also a number of reasons as to why I didn’t need to. Here I open up the post to your opinions. Perhaps you’ll address the same questions I ask myself when I spend time with my little brother.