April 18, 2011

Anonymous Posts (4.11.11-4.17.11)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Hey, folks! I'm currently in Philadelphia visiting with family and observing Passover (which starts tonight), and I just think city is awesome LOVE THIS CITY. #Pretzles&MustardCornedBeefOnRyeWaterIceAnyone!?

I was driving with my Bubby (yiddish for grandmother) and noticed that some street signs had rainbows under them. I asked her if she knew why, but she didn't; neither did her good friends. Some quick googling has taught me that in fact, I am 4 blocks from the "gayborhood."

Passover isn't just the story of Israelites' exodus from Egypt and the ten plagues, or whatever. At its heart, it's a story of personal and communal liberation. It is my sincere hope that in the year to come, all of us, Jews, Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, atheists or agnostics or anything else, will make progress in breaking off our shackles from anything that is holding us back--as a community and as individual. Wishes for a חג פסח שמח and a happy Holy Week, if you do either of those things.

A plug for two campus publications that are just out, or about to be later this week, and might be of interest:
Thing 1) The fourth issue of Encompass, the student made magazine sponsored by the Kenan Institute for Ethics is now on stands. The Blog, our anonymous posts (THAT'S YOU!) and former blogger-in-chief Chris Perry got some coverage in Ryann Child's two-page spread about the internet, campus blogs, community and anonymity.
Thing 2) Unzipped, Duke's Journal of Gender and Sexuality will be on stands this week! There is a launch party open to the entire Duke community on Wednesday in Von Cannon C from 6-8pm. Facebook event here.

In case you didn't hear...last week, Kobe used the terrifying "f word"...and I don't mean that he came out as a feminist! The League fined him $100,000 (that's two years of a Duke education, but somehow I don't think it's big money to him). I just hope that the money went to the HRC or Trevor Project, or something affirming and working for the LGBTQ community...but I'm not holding my breath (if it's anything like what the WNBA does, it does go to charity, though). John Amaechi, a former NBA player who publically came out after his career (but wasn't totally in the closet toward the end of it) wrote a response, here.

Finally, thanks to everyone who made Friday's Day of Silence a success! The pictures were wonderful and the sayings were deeply moving.

And now, for our most famous anonymous posts!

In high school I was 150 percent sure I was a lesbian I had a huge crush on my best friend (that didn't end well) and then I left for duke ready to find the perfect girl. This year I started crushin on this girl down the hall but she reminded me of my best friend so I know things prolly won't end well if I try to get with her. Lately I've been seeing this guy. He doesn't really turn me on but I like his personality. Well except he's wayyyy to sexual. So I guess now I'm basically confused. I like this guys personality but I like this girls personality too and she turns me on. I'm just really not sure if I'm. Gay or not. How do you tell the difference between a small girl crush and being a lesbian? I really didn't want to end my freshman year being so confused

I'm starting to feel like maybe other females will just never find me attractive, or want to be with me, and I should just stick with males. It's hard to listen to the little voice inside when all you're getting back for it is rejection.

wow powerful

any tips for meeting gay guys in DC this summer?

good read from one of the plaintiffs in the Supreme Court case striking down bans on interracial marriages

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).


  1. @ #4: grindr & craigslist

  2. #1:
    I mean, just because you like the guy's personality doesn't mean that you're attracted to him. That and if he's too sexual you need to make it clear that you are NOT comfortable with it. He might not even be acting "too sexual" it might just be not what you're in to and so it may seem overbearing.

    Also, just because a girl reminds you of an old and not so good crush doesn't mean she'll be the same. Take a little bit of a chance, you may be surprised.

    Just hold on #2, I'm a firm believer that if you hold on long enough (and it might seem too long even) you'll eventually get what you want. Women may not approach you because you're with me, so they may assume you're straight. Just don't be so quick to think that it's because people don't find you attractive. There are enough things in your life that will try to and even succeed at lowering your self-esteem, and they don't need your help.

    #3: Love it, seen it, just watched it again.

    #4: Go to gay clubs? There's quite the population in DC but please be careful! DC has an HIV incidence rate comparable to sub-saharan Africa! If you have any type of sex, use a condom. I would hate for you to regret your trip to DC.

    #5: Glad to see I'm not the only one around who likes the SCOTUS.

  3. Hey #1!

    Just for some perspective - I ended my first year at Duke closeted and unsure, questioning and uncomfortable with my sexuality. There doesn’t necessarily have to be a time table. =) (The summer season was actually the best thing that happened to me, because it gave me a lot more free time to read and think about questioning.) I’m going to agree with everything Swati said to you, and throw out another suggestion-why not check out some Center events before you leave and try and meet some other students who are also questioning? It might help you to talk to other students who have been through the same thing. (If in-person convos sound too intimdating or awkward, feel free to email me, see below, or anyone else who writes for the blog!) And Janie Long always has her door (email inbox) open to meet with you students if you want to schedule an appointment with her to chat about this in a relaxed format before you leave!

    Good luck! =) I think you sound more ahead than I was though, actually!

    Hey #2!

    So first off, I don’t know who you are, but I’m sure you’re absolutely attractive. :)

    If you’d like to have this conversation in personal or via email (meganweinand@gmail.com) I’d get a lot more personal, but since this is public here’s what I’d respond generally to what you’ve written:

    I have so many amazing, incredible, beautiful female friends at Duke who complain to me about their single-status. So many wonderful gay men I know tell me they don’t understand why they can’t find a guy on campus. From my perspective, all I see is an amazing person who absolutely should have people throwing themselves at this wonderful friend of mine…but for some reason or another….it just….doesn’t happen. For whatever reason, people all the time, just don’t click. And I know rejection feels really shitty. There have been a million love songs on that topic, and some of the greatest poetry and theatre in the world has been written about rejection, because it’s a really painful human emotion. But it’s so universal, and you’re not alone.

    Also: I think as women, we’re taught to internalize perceived “problems” as our own internal deficits-but have you ever considered that maybe you’re completely okay just the way you are right now? And maybe it’s just a waiting game? These are just questions and ideas to consider. But I think the bottom line is that you’re absolutely not alone, and if you’re a lesbian woman (which I gathered from your post-but please, please correct me if I’m wrong), I think it’d be a shame to date someone (male) who doesn’t absolutely drive you wild with excitement.

    Lastly, they always say that when you stop looking for something, that’s when it’s comes. I sort of do and don’t believe that (it’s sort of superstitious and quirky I think), but I do know that confidence is universally sexy, and so embracing your single-status at the moment as simply an enriching time for self-growth and independence in your life....well, that would most likely be very, very attractive.

    Good luck!


  4. Megan Weinand is universally sexy

  5. #4: Apex, a gay club nearish Dupont Circle, has a free college night on Thursdays (you need your student ID) that can be really fun if you go with a group. It can be sketchy (the old guys who line up along the walls to do some prospecting), but I've had pretty good luck meeting other interns/college students there. If you're over 21, there are some other fun bars and clubs too. My favorite is Cobalt, at 17th and R.