Yes! It Rained on my Parade : )

So Saturday was the NC Pride Parade. If you were cool enough to attend you know it was an awesome event filled with all things queer and if you were not able to attend, rummage through Facebook and try to live vicariously through the photos.  This was my first pride parade, and it forced me to reflect on my two-year journey from shame to pride. Witting this post about Pride reminded me of an anonymous post over the summer that pretty much asked “what’s the point of Pride ?” The anonymous poster believed that we don’t have the right to show pride for the accomplishments of other, and that in general we should not express pride for innate attributes like being LGBT. At first I got all defensive about Pride, but then I decided to really reflect on gay pride, and ask myself why it is so important to me.

For me, Pride is not only about celebrating the struggle and accomplishments of those who came before, but also celebrating my own transformation. In talking about Pride, I think it’s important to know the history (I’m a history major so I always think the history is important).  The first Pride parade was held in 1970 to mark the anniversary of the Stonewall Riots.  Last week a close (queer) friend of mine admitted that he didn’t know what stonewall was, and that confession pushed me into a deep sense of depression. So if your reading this and don’t know…There is a Wikipedia page calling your name. In a nutshell, Stonewall was a two-day riot outside of a gay club in NYC, which sparked the modern gay rights movement. (Sorry for the history lesson, but it is LGBT history month) The parade that happened on Saturday owes its roots to a stand some brave queers made 43 years ago, and I do think that’s something to be proud of.  I am proud because they stood up (and attacked the cops) so that I could live in a world that was a bit more tolerant.

            The second aspect of Pride, is the personal pride I have for my own journey, and the journey of those around me. It has been a long and difficult journey from a dark closet to a float in a parade. For me Pride was a way to celebrate my own transformation into a person that can be proud of who I am. Even more than that, Pride is an opportunity to be validated by others in a way not commonly experienced. I spent most of my life being told that queer was wrong, but on Saturday I had thousands of people cheering me on telling me that who I am is beautiful.  I was proud of those who paved the way, proud of my own journey, and proud of the validation I receive from my community. Honestly…being queer is Great! In addition to multitude of Rainbows and natural birth control, we have a community that is strong, loving, and validating. That is something to take pride in, and that’s why I braved the cold rain to ride down a float dancing to Gaga.

(In my kindergarten teacher voice)...And remember ...You can't have a rainbow without rain

What Duke owes to its Queer students.

In a conversation I recently had with a top-level administrator about the relocation of the LGBT center I felt as if the historical struggle of Queer students on campus was being ignored. The conversation went a little something like this…

Me: “We feel as if the administration gives our issues less attention then they deserve, and less attention as compared to other minority groups on campus, most notably the Black Student Alliance.”

The response was something like this “ Well I can see why you may feel that way, but Duke has such a long history of racism that we have a long way to go with reconciliation with black students”

Me: Duke also has a long history of Homophobia, that the University needs to own up to”

The reply: “yes, but Duke never officially said you can’t come here if you are gay, but it did say you can’t come here if you are black”.

Now this explanation of LGBT second-class treatment, as you can imagine angered me a great deal. To be honest, it is an administrative copout! As you may have noticed I am BLACK and I am GAY, so this whole discussion does put me in a bit of an uncomfortable situation. That being said I think my double minority status also qualifies me to point out this discrepancy without fear of being call homophobic or racist. Duke University owes a great deal to its LGBT population for past and present sins committed, and NOW is the time to pay up!

After that conversation I decided to do some digging on the LGBT history of Duke, and the struggle our predecessors had to endure. This is some of what I found…

The fist queer student group was formed in 1972 and it was called Duke Gay Alliance. Students during this time reported harassment, ostracism, and a general sense of fear. One student from the 70s recounts that many gay students of the time were advised by the University to seek psychiatric help to correct their homosexuality.

In 1974 President Stanford denied the request to include sexual orientation into the Universities non-discrimination policy. This by default meant that the University condoned institutionalized discrimination against LGBT individuals.

In 1983 the student government dechartered the queer student organization, then known as Duke Gay and Lesbian alliance. The DSG dechartered the group because a University lawyer feared the group would “promote homosexuality”, which at the time was a crime.

In the 1990’s the University would form a LGBT task force and in 94 create the LGB center (note the lack of T) but things did not get much better for students on campus. In 1999 Duke was ranked as one of the most homophobic campuses in America by the Princeton review.

Even today the University still refuses to live up to its responsibility on LGBT issues. Even now in 2012 the university refuses to come out against amendment 1 as an institution.

Still today the university will not own up to its responsibility and provide us a LGBT center with sufficient staffing, space, and resources.

The university talks a big game, but now it is time for results. Duke University owes a lot to its LGBT population, and we deserve the same treatment and respect as everyone else. I resent the assertion, that another group should receive priority treatment because of the way some administrators measure discrimination.

This is why Queer alums don’t donate money to the University.

This is why many progressive p-proshes are skeptical out attending.

This is why so many of our peers are closeted, and fearful.

Duke University must embrace its responsibility to LGBT individuals, and if they can’t do it out of the goodness of their hearts, it is time we apply the pressure because…

We will not be second-class students on our own campus

We will not be relegated to the fringes of campus life.

We will not live in fear on our own campus and,

We will not be silenced or ignored.

Duke is my home, and all I am asking I to be treated fairly within my own home.

The Games I play

I love watching T.V. but I hate commercials with a passion. To make the time go by faster I created my own game…spot the heteronomitivity in the T.V. commercial. Once you pay attention, it can be very interesting the ways a commercial for dental floss can squeeze in a heternomitive agenda. One of my personal favorites is a cat food commercial, which is so heteronomitive you almost forget about the cat.

This got me thinking, are there any commercials with LGBT influences? Well my friends the answer is yes, and I found a boatload of them on YouTube. The sad part is most of them are foreign, or only seen on Logo, but nonetheless they are still pretty cool.

Here are some of my favorites.

The gay one… This one is so cute that it makes you want to eat McDonalds everyday!

The lesbian one…. took me a moment, but I lol’ed when I realized what was going on.

The bisexual one… I can’t understand what they are saying at the end, but words aren’t necessary.

The transgender one… It was hard to find one that wasn’t borderline offensive, but I think this one does the trick!

My hope is one day theses will be a staple on mainstream T.V. Then maybe commercials will be less painful to watch.

My (straight) learning curve, and a journey down the Rainbow-Bricked road

When I was in high school I didn’t have any close male friends; it wasn’t necessarily by choice or design, but for one reason or another that was the way it worked out. After coming to Duke, meeting new people and forging new even stronger friendships something remarkable occurred…I acquired straight male friends, and really close ones at that. It has truly been a new experience, but one I have thoroughly enjoyed.

[Note: this next bit might sound a little gender conforming, but please don’t take it that way…this is only a reflection of MY PERSONAL relationships with women and men, and is not a reflection of the traits of women and men as a whole]

There have been many great things that have come from my friendships with straight men, and I have learned a lot about them and learned a lot about myself. Some of the best parts have been just hanging out getting to know them…

· Its fun to have friends to talk sports too, and be able punch around some times.

· Its great to have someone to drink a beer with. I mean, “will be” great when I’m of age.

· Its fun to get to use the word “Bro” (although I can never do it with a straight face).

· Its great not to have to explain why during football season my Sundays (and Monday nights) are all booked.

· Its fun to watch a movie with a little more action, and a little less romance.

Now with all the wonderful things that have come with my newfound friendships, there have also been some stumbling blocks, and there are certain things I will never understand about straight guys…

· Guys can be a lot more heteronormative than girls.

· They can’t always understand why certain things are homophobic and offensive

· They are sometimes (often) sexist

· They can often be very unhygienic…lol, but really.

· I can’t, (or at least I fell I can’t) talk about my love life with them (and by love life I mean epic fail-but that’s a comedy for another post)

With all the good and the bad, I am very grateful that I have them as my friends. They truly mean a lot to me, and as I have learned from them they have also learned from me. As I acquired my first straight male friends, they got their first gay friend. So I will continue on my progress on my (straight) learning curve ,enjoying all the new adventures, and I will make sure they have some fun traveling down the rainbow-bricked road as well.

I'ma be me Gay vs. Black

Happy News Years Eve everyone!

I recently had a conversation with another black queer student at Duke, and it caused me to ponder a question that I had never thought about before, but yet was always there. He was explaining to me why he doesn't feel as comfortable in the gay community, as he does in the black community. He is very active in the Mary Luo center for black culture, but I don’t think he has ever set foot in the LGBT center. For me I’m almost the exact opposite. I feel much more comfortable within the queer community than I do the black community, and I frequent the LGBT center regularly, while I can count on one hand the times I’ve been to the Mary Lou.

So the question is why? Why do I associate with one part of my identify so much more than the other? I find it particularly interesting because 1. My Blackness is visible unlike my gayness, and 2. I was raised black, while I have only recently learned what it means to be gay.

I think one reason I’m more involved with the gay community is because I feel that it is harder to be gay than black. As the black lesbian comedian Wanda Sykes put it “ it’s harder to be gay than black, because you don’t have to come out as black”. When I was having this conversation with my black queer friend I told him that I feel the LGBT community needs my support more. The constant attack on the LGBT community by conservative politicians and religious leaders has help shape my self-identification. My Grandparents had to struggle for their rights as African Americans, and now I have to fight for many of my rights as a Gay American. In my home state of North Carolina I can’t get married, give blood, and I don’t have protection from work place discrimination. These things stem from the fact that I am gay, not because I’m black. The fact that more people have a problem with my gayness is one reason I identify more with it. This may seem Kinda odd but it’s one of the ways I’ve learned to empower myself…. or maybe it’s just me trying to be controversial and tick off homophobes (my friends often accuse me of being purposefully controversial) but either way it works for me.

Another reason I think I identify more as a gay man is because of the guilt I still harbor for not coming out sooner. Sometimes I wonder if I am trying to make up for lost time. Whether right or wrong I do feel that I owe something to the gay part of myself for the 19 years I spent living in shame of it.

With all of that said, I still whole heartily embrace and celebrate my African American identity. I am proud to be black, and I m proud to be gay. Both shape who I am, and the way I live my life. Truth be told, I think that my identification as a gay man needs more attention at this part of my life. I’m still learning what it means to live my life openly and proudly as a gay man, and so to a certain extent one part of me is playing catch up with the other. It is my goal to one day find a balance between the to largest components of my identity, but for now I think it is ok if I pay a little more attention to a part of myself that I have neglected for way to long.

Giving Thanks on Thanksgiving

[Editor's Note: I am pleased to welcome Denzell to our blog! Please give him a warm welcome in the comments section!]

Well first I would like to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. I love Thanksgiving for many reasons, not least of which is because it signals the date I can start decorating for Christmas. In my family we have this tradition of all holding hands and each saying what we are thankful for. Now you see how cool and innovative my family is. But this got me thinking, as a gay man what do I have to be thankful for, and in the larger sense what can our community as a whole be thankful for? Over the last year our community has faced certain setbacks (the proposed North Carolina Marriage amendment), but as a whole this has been a great year.

I personally have so much to be thankful for, because over the past year I came to terms with my sexuality, came out, and found a community that accepts me. I am thankful that at Duke I have a place to live freely and openly. I crack a smile every time I see a rainbow flag outside a window, and I feel at home whenever I see one of the many LOVE=LOVE shirts on campus. I am thankful for the LGBT center and every thing it provides. And even more than the physical center, I am thankful for Janie and Jess because their love and dedication fill the Center with a comfort that is hard to find any place else. I am thankful that after having to leave my church (and denomination) I have found a religious community where I not only feel accepted, but loved for who I am. This Thanksgiving I will give thanks because in the past year I have been saved from shame and self-torment. Last Thanksgiving I was plagued by the demons of my own inner homophobia, but now I am at peace. This is not to say that personally I have no problems. I still must come out to a homophobic extended family, and intolerant “friends” from back home, but in less than one years time I have made strides I once thought impossible. I am the happiest I have ever been, and I have excised inner demons that once gripped my life. For these things I am truly thankful.

Now enough about me…what about us!

This has undoubtedly been a monumental year for Gay rights, and the progress of our community. As a community we can be thankful that now all Americans can serve their country regardless of their sexual orientation. One victory you may not be aware of: we can be thankful that in August the Native American tribe of Suquamish extended full marriage rights to gay tribe members. While on the subject of marriage equality we should all be very thankful that in July marriage equality was extended to 19 million citizens through New York’s gay marriage law. That brings the total to 7 states where LGBT individuals have marriage rights. On the west coast while they are fighting Prop 8 in the courts (they are making progress) California legislators took another progressive step. California will now become the first state to require LGBT history be taught in public schools. We can rejoice in the fact that finally one state will teach about the importance of LGBT Americans in our history.

Pop culture- Yes we can always be thankful for Celebrities.

In February we had Justin Bieber give his support of gay individuals, for which I am sure we are all thankful. Justin was quoted as saying about gay individuals “ It’s everyone’s own decision, it doesn’t affect me and it shouldn’t affect anyone else”. Now the word “decision” was a poor choice, but he meant well. Oh, and FYI to all the Justin fans, he is coming to Cameron to watch the UNC game this year (maybe we can give our newest ally a LOVE=LOVE shirt). To everyone who is using an apple product to read this lets be thankful for Apple and Steve Jobs (RIP). On the subject of Apple there is another thing to be thankful for. The new CEO Tim Cook is not only a Duke alum, but also a gay man. I am hoping that means that the iPhone 5 will be available in every color of the rainbow and not just white and black. We should also be thankful for our Queer friends in the animal kingdom. Gay penguins “Buddy” and “Pedro” will, after much outcry, be reunited at the Toronto Zoo (but only after they perform their “duty” during mating season to propagate their endangered species). Finally, I would be remiss to omit the single greatest thing that we can be thankful for in the realm of pop culture…Lady Gaga giving us a new anthem! While “Dancing queen”, “I’m coming out” and “it’s raining men” are all great “Born this way” was a much-needed modern addition.

So while you stuff your face with turkey, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie remember that in our community which faces constant oppression there is still much to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!