Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)
So y'all, here it is. LWOC. This weekend was a big one for our community, what with Lav Grad and Alumni Reception, the Center was quite busy this weekend. Good stuff, and lots of fun for all. Add onto that the night at the Bar to protest Amendment One, and this was a super fun, super queer weekend. What's more, we're getting TONS of anonymous posts! It's enough to make a blog editor all weepy... But enough of my silliness, you've got posts to read!
With that said, notes from OC:
I think being a single lesbian here is incredibly lonely and sexually frustrating. It doesn't help that when I go to WLW and out to the Bar or Pinhook almost everyone is in a couple. I don't know who to talk to. I can openly talk with my straight friends about hookups. But when I bring up sex in a group of queer women it's a big joke. Is this the 1950s? Just waiting until I find my princess charming is so at odds with everything I believe.
I'm a pre-frosh, and I'm a bit disappointed in the perceived lack of a dating scene at Duke, and the domination of "hook up culture" as a current Freshman put it to me. Is the dating scene really non-existent? and, is it wrong of me to seriously detest the hook up culture, and sometimes even the people that partake?
I liked someone for a really long time, but once he found out all he did was gossip (rudely) about it to mutual friends and be a complete ass about it, but he continues to talk to me in group settings as though he didn't do anything. Should I say something about it? Would it be inappropriate to give him a bit of a cold shoulder?
this is an honest question to people of color: What exactly is wrong with non-people of color lgbt people from comparing (even equating) the struggles they go through to the current struggles of the black community. Point 1: Historical Perspective Both groups have had a long history of being marginalized, excluded, and discriminated. Both groups have been the targets of hate speech and hate crimes. I understand that there's a difference: black people went through slavery. But to then ignore the fact of sodomy laws and other laws targeting homosexuals (in essence making their "behavior" illicit), is to marginalize the group even further. Understand I'm not saying one is worse than the other. I don't think I have to make a case for either side. The point is that the experiences that a gay man shares and a black man shares can not be solely derivative to this difference. They both experience the same forms of discrimination. Point 2: Contemporary Discrimination Disclaimer: Rushing through this part of the post will lead one to think I'm claiming being gay is harder than being black. While I grant that is a fair interpretation of what I'm about to say, I strongly encourage you to take a more nuanced perspective. The plight of PofC and homosexuals is very different in today's world. Whereas most people are more subtle with their discrimination of black people and while there are anti-discrimination laws protecting them, gays/lesbians are often openly attacked with vile speech; moreover, in many regards they are not given equal protection (either lgbt is not part of the anti-discrimination policy or certain rights are not considered to be rights and thus they have no claim to them). It would seem to me that as a gay man, my career can be significantly more impaired than my straight black colleague. At least blacks have protection formal (understand this in the philosophical technical context) even if not true/full protection (this is to say that I understand the loopholes in the system that allow for discrimination). But in many cases LGBT folks do not even have formal protection. I understand that my being white can mitigate some of the discrimination I face as a gay man. Trust me, that fact is not lost on me. This post is not meant to downplay the struggles of people of color. However, I'm aghast to so often hear people of color take offense and openly denigrate others who compare the discrimination they face to theirs. I can understand not letting certain groups privilege themselves with this comparison when it would in effect undermine or reduce the seriousness of the actual discrimination faced in the past, present, and future (i.e. religious conservatives who claim the "discrimination" they face is equal to that of the trials of black people). But when one truly marginalized sect of people tries to make a claim to the the hate faced by black people, I don't understand the kneejerk reaction that "your struggles are not equal to my struggles." While it is true that I can only have a second-hand perspective of your struggles, the same relation holds for you and my struggles. I do understand that those intersectional black-queer have a unique perspective to offer. And I respect that. It does shed some light on the issue. However, I have met few of these people. I take what they have to say very seriously. But their opinions do not form the foundation of my belief for two reasons: 1) I have a poor sample size. I know maybe 20 or so people that fit this intersectional description. Most of them also happen to be college-educated people as well. So I have a skewed data source. I would need perspectives of at least 100 people of this description that also come from a diverse range of backgrounds. 2) they do not get to compare 1:1 the struggles faced as a black person and as a queer person. The struggles come coupled together. It's not like one day they can experience the struggles of being black and then the struggles of being queer on the next day. That is to say, it is impossible to parcel out the relative hardship of either identity. Moreover, it's not a simple case of one identity compounded with another identity. It has to be noted that homosexuality is much less accepted in the black community than in other communities. The point of this statement is to say that the struggles of the queer identity are exacerbated by the black identity. And from the perspective of the person, it could either be taken to be an added struggle as a queer person or an added struggle as a black person. With all this said, I'd would like an honest critique of my argument. I do not for at all hold that my views are correct. I am very ignorant in many respects. What I do not want is an abrasive diatribe that so often is seen on this blog. When it stops being critique and starts being vilification, academic and philosophical advancement stops.
[Editor's Note: I've really loved how we've been talking about issues of race on the blog lately, as it's such an important conversation to have. I've really liked how patient everyone has been with each other for the most part, and I hope we can keep that energy up. As we talk about this important issue, let's keep talking about our experiences and respecting those of others. Also, whenever possible, let's keep giving people the benefit of the doubt if they say something we find ignorant. It's great to see these issues being discussed, this is what the blog is all about! Thanks, y'all. :-)]
Even though I'm a gay female, I still find it weird to think about my future and hear me or my friends speculate about my wife. The word just always seemed weird and awkward when applied to me. I always preferred to say girlfriend or almost anything else. But today, for the first time ever, my best friend said something about my future wife and the word didn't sound weird. One day I will have a wife and she will be awesome.
Today I had a face-to-face conversation with a friend and explained why it was extremely hurtful and offensive to me (as a straight woman) that he said f** in a facebook conversation we were having awhile back. This original use of this word led to a much longer debate and discussion over facebook chat and it is the first time we have sat down in person. He had thought that I was overreacting (it was the first time I heard him say that word) and he didn't mean any harm. Today, I explained that I was speaking out for those who didn't feel comfortable doing so. I didn't have anything to loose other than my time. After he realized that I was willing to drop our friendship because of our heated argument because I felt so personally offended and disrespected, I could tell that he was starting to get it. In the time between our facebook conversation and today's talk, it was clear that he has reflected on why he holds certain beliefs and how his words can perpetuate a homophobic culture. I am proud of myself for not being a silent bystander.
Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).