October 4, 2010

Anonymous Posts (9.27.10-10.3.10)


Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)

Not much to say, y'all. I'm finishing up a post on pride flags and such (because I'm now in charge of them), so keep an eye out for that. Use the link in the sidebar on the right to have a flag installed. I'm, like, the best at it. We ordered something like a hundred this year, and they're all free, so all you have to do is sign up and get all of your friends to sign up. So simple.

Anonymous posts, yo.

#1
I'm a UNC student, and I wanted to let you know that I loved the Duke float at NC Pride last weekend and really wish I had gone over to meet some of you... I can't make it to Fab Fridays because of a schedule conflict this semester but hopefully i'll be able to meet some of you next semester!

#2
I don't want to graduate alone, and from the way things are looking, that's what's going to happen. I've had girlfriends, and I have another girlfriend this year, but I am still alone. And I'm alone because I'm gay, and I have no one to tell. Maybe it's kinda much to say, but I just fucking crave being able to touch and hold someone I'm actually attracted to, someone I can care about and actually be with the way I need to be with him. You'd think for all of the shit I do with my girl it would satisfy me, but it doesn't, and I feel like a dick for wanting so much more than everything's she's tried to give me. But there's nothing she can do and there's no way she'd ever know that. I'm just pissed off at myself and alone and mad that I basically dug my own grave here at Duke and chose to be like this rather than come out with it already. Four whole fucking years and look how far I've come. I envy all of you with the flags and this blog.. it's amazing stuff, and I'm sad to say I'll never be a part of it. But I do see you guys, and I know you're out there and all of the good stuff you're doing, and that sort of makes me feel better.

#3
Have people seen this? It's amazing how the people interviewed could be from the present...interesting how people in the 70s were so similar today and poignant how many people still feel need to be closeted, or whatever (like me!). But hopefully this documentary will help give me the power to come to terms with things.

#4
I finally mustered up enough courage to go to Fab Friday and then afterwards at dinner a friend approached me and asked "Hey [this guy] said he saw you at some gay party today." Caught completely off guard, and not ready to come out to one of my closest friends I merely mumbled a "It wasn't a party," and felt awkward all throughout dinner and the evening. I hope [this guy] reads this and realizes that not everyone who goes to events hosted by the Center is out and that he should really try to keep from outing others to their friends. I hate how I'm continuously being forced into situations like this. I'm not sure I'll go to another Center event until I'm out to my friend... it might be a while. =/

4 comments:

  1. #1: Yeah it was pretty fantastic wasn't it? I was SOOO jealous!

    #2: First of all, you're JUST graduating college. You haven't reached the end of your life! Some people just take longer than others to be comfortable and actually come out with their true sexuality. You may not have felt safe and that's just fine, you still have 50+ years to do it. You'll find happiness in your life and you'll be able to love who you really want to. But, only when you're ready to accept and love yourself for who you love. Oh, and you're not a dick, but I'm sure that you didn't need me to tell you that.

    #3: Interesting link, I'm in lab right now (not being a very good chemist) but I'll definitely keep it up and take a look at it later.

    #4: Don't be discouraged! I understand totally where you're coming from in the sense that people can sometimes approach you with information that you were pretty sure was super sensitive. I understand if you don't want to come back soon, but people usually go in with the understanding that everything that goes on at the Center stays at the Center. Hopefully maybe a BDUer will read this soon and maybe remind people of this fact =)

    ReplyDelete
  2. #4 - Something I used before I came out, was to say that I was a supporter of the LGBT community. "I support the LGBT community" is a pretty non-controversial comment, and it really doesn't imply anything that you might not be willing to tell someone yet. Tell them you're doing it for the recent 5 suicides of LGBT youth, close friends, etc, whatever.

    And hey, good for you for coming to the Center! That's such a big step, and you shouldn't lose sight of that. Please don't let this one comment hold you back, if you're ready to do something else. Maybe your friend said it because they have their own issue to work out surrounding the LGBT community.

    ReplyDelete
  3. #4, I've so been there. I was actually outed by one of my best friends to some people we had been hanging out with and talking to one night. The situation is always awkward, but I've found that the best way to handle it is just to own it. If you act like it's not something that bothers you, then it will likely become less of an issue or big deal to the person who is asking. Granted, everyone handles situations differently, but this has worked for me in the past. It's similar to what other people on here have said about faking confidence until you actually feel it. If you seem like you're comfortable and confident about who you are, then you're one step closer to genuinely feeling that way. And like Megan said, don't let that one comment push you back into the closet if it's not where you want to be. Good luck! :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. 1- looking forward to meeting you next semester! be sure to come by :)

    2- hold your head up, friend. things may turn around soon, or they may not...either way, try to be confident in the fact that you're doing the best you can. just know that i'm hanging my flag for you- you're not alone.

    3- in class, so i can't watch right now, but i hope that it does indeed help you come to terms with things!

    4- please don't give up. there was a day last semester that i had finally decided that i was going to tell my friend that i'm gay. we were sitting at lunch and he called someone a "fag." i totally shut down. for the rest of the day i was just devastated. for whatever reason, i felt the need to come out still and so i went with it-- and he was totally cool with it. he just had never thought about the things he said and the way they affected me and others. i still don't really see how someone can be blind to the connotations of "fag," but who knows? i guess what i'm trying to say is don't give up-- not on yourself and not on your friends.

    ReplyDelete