Hey y'all. In case you live under a rock (or in the library), March Madness is officially upon us. So are all of the newly infatuated with each other CGers.
More relevant, BLUE DEVILS UNITED HAS A NEW EXECUTIVE BOARD. Thanks to all who came to the meeting, ran, and voted. Another post with more details is forthcoming.
Cool things to know about if you're LGBTQ identified:
- The men's discussion group is meeting for their second time on Wednesday from 6:30-7:30 at the LGBT Center. They'll be talking about social relations among LGBTQ-identified men. How do LGBTQ men traverse the Duke social scene and navigate friendships and relationships between themselves?
- Women Loving Women is also meeting this week (Thursday, 6-8, LGBT Center). The owner of Nosh and her partner will be visiting, as the theme is long-term commitment and life as a same-sex couple.
Cool things to know about regardless of how you identify:
- Lavender Ball is this weekend! Come dance the night away at "The Prom You Never Had." Saturday, 9pm-??, at the Freeman Center. [**Wanna write a recap for the blog about this event? Hit me up.**]
- All of the Above is also this weekend. In its 8th year, AOTA is a monologue show directed and performed by undergraduate women. Any Duke woman (undergrad, graduate/professional, staff, faculty, etc) was invited to submit a monologue about anything under the sun (including, according to a little birdie in a tree, that "queer women fuck").
Lastly, if you like True Blood, 30 Rock or Ricky Martin, GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) says you can feel good about yourself. All three were recognized at GLAAD's 25th annual Media Awards this past weekend. #WhyNotThisBlog? We did get some coverage in The Chronicle, however.
And now, what you've all been waiting for.
QUESTIONING SUCKS. I wish I could be as confident as someone who identifies strictly as homosexual or strictly as heterosexual, but it's not that easy. I will constantly live with uncertainty and it's driving me insane.
At this point in my Duke career I could care less what most people think of me (if you haven’t guessed, I’m a senior on my way out). This is one of the main reasons why I started to come out to my close friends and hopefully everyone else. Though they have all offered me nothing but support and have encouraged me to continue coming out at Duke, the amount of gossip that goes on in the Duke gay community has been enough to keep me in the closet until after I graduate. Coming out has been hard enough for me without gay guys that I have never met before coming up to me and introducing themselves, asking if I want to go out with them, or girls that I interact with once every couple of weeks approaching me to verify gossip they have heard about me from one of their gay friends. Am I really that interesting or is there nothing better to talk about? I am not saying that everyone in the gay community acts this way, but if there are this may guys who gossip endlessly about who is in the closet then how does the gay community expect anyone who is in the closet and still somewhat insecure to come out?
My parents will come for graduation and they don't know. My plan, since freshmen year, has been to forewarn all my friends and walk on eggshells for the weekend. It's a sad way to end my time here, but it's safe. But more and more, I'm thinking that someone letting it slip won't be so bad. I have a job; I can be financially independent; I don't need my family for emotional support - the worst case scenario of geting cut off doesn't seem so bad anymore. Hell, I might even tell them myself.
You know what bugs me about the Queer community? We preach about "born this way," but then we let our own members use the craziest labels for themselves; we use labels that have no basis in actual categories of human gender or sexuality. I had a male friend. He was dating a woman. He told me he was attracted to other men, but was still straight, because he preferred women. I told him, "No. You're bisexual. By definition, that is what you are. You are attracted to both men and women, therefore, bisexual. It's not a good or a bad thing per se, it's just the category your sexuality fits into." I have female friends. They are dating women. They tell me they are attracted to men, but are still lesbians. I don't dare to have the same conversation with them, because they would be more offended than my "straight" friend was. What's the problem? What's wrong with admitting you're bisexual? Why does our community have so much biphobia? Here, this is a handy dandy chart that will work in 95% of all cases.
Woman attracted to men only: Straight
Woman attracted to men and women: Bisexual.
Woman attracted to women only: Lesbian
Male attracted to women only: Straight.
Male attracted to men and women: Bisexual.
Male attracted to men only: Gay.
Sexual identity isn't a "pick your own label" game. If it were, all those slurs the homophobes throw at our "lifestyle choices" would be accurate. But it's not. It's a (mostly) biologically determined essential part of who we are. So check the chart. Pick the appropriate label. Then use it. Don't hide behind "lesbian" or "gay" when you're bisexual, just because it's easier in the gay community right now. If you're bisexual, and identifying as something else, you're not actually out of the closet. You've just traded the bi-phobic world of straight people for the bi-phobic world of gays, and didn't tell anyone the truth.