Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)
For those of you who missed it, lav ball was Saturday night. And while an unnamed person told me that it might best be described by "messy, juicy, slovenly," I'd like to say that I thought it was just lovely. Former blogger-in-chief, Chris Perry, once again impressed us all with his endless music selection. But the event really wouldn't have been possible without incoming President, Ari Bar-Mashiah [it's really pronounced with a throat-clearing sound at the end of it #I'mJewishIKnowTheseThings] and our Vice President Elect. And, I would have been dancing with myself (Billy Idol style [youtube just informed me Glee also sang this, who knew? [Ed. Note: We all did, Risa. GYLT]]) if it hadn't been for all of you who attended--so thanks to all of you who came out (#GayPunsNeverGetOld) to "The Prom You [or your straight friends] Never Had."
Make sure you didn't miss the other awesome stuff going on this weekend, though, like Duke Women's Basketball reaching the Elite Eight and Duke bringing home two national championships (fencing and diving).
Oh, and Matt's post about getting accepted to Duke (Hi, 2015! We want you!), Megan's post about LGBTQ life in Madrid and Cameron's blog about being introverted ;-)
#1I don't even go to Duke. But I just found out the most awesome thing today--during the 1960s(?) to the 1980s(? don't really know about time periods) my favorite history professor (who is incredibly important and an indispensable part of the department) was IN A LESBIAN ROCK BAND. I'm gloating in the awesomeness of all the envy of all you blue devil revellers ;-)
#2This post will engender a harsh response. I'm ok with that, but hope that those offended will try to address this as a genuine question and not a personal criticism of their gender/sexuality/way of life. My understanding of transgender people is that they feel as though they were born in the wrong body. They feel like a man, trapped in a woman's body or vice-versa. We, as a society of largely non-transgendered people, accept (or at least ought to accept) and accommodate transgendered people because it is not harmful to us, is important to them, and is really none of our business in the first place. At its root, being transgender is a denial of one aspect of your biology- your sex. My question is: How would we, as a society, react to someone denying a different aspect of their biology? If a white man insisted that he be referred to, and treated as, black? My question is not "where do we draw the line" because I am not certain that a line should be drawn. But I do wonder about how indulgent I am obligated to be to the peculiarities of others, and how apologetic I should, or should not be for misusing a pronoun.
#3I only just recently found out about this blog and I thought it'd be a good way to send a message out there to the LGBTQA (how many more letters can we add to this?) student community. I'm a faculty member, I'm 26, I am gay and I am absolutely not in the closet. My colleagues (of all ages) are VERY accepting, some are even LGBTQ themselves and as far as I know, no one has ever been a victim of homophobia and no one has come off as being homophobic in my Department (and it's a pretty big one!). I have a boyfriend, my colleagues ask me about him all the time, I bring him to our events/parties... All this to say that, as far as I know, many many faculty and staff members are open-minded and accepting of LGBT students. I think there's a post on this blog about a student who was a little hesitant to come out to her/his teacher about her/his sexuality and realized it wasn't a big deal at all for the teacher once s/he did. Let's make this clear: as a professor, you cannot discriminate between your students and for many of us (if not all of us) you don't even need this to be a rule for it to be what we obey by everyday in the classroom, in our office and on campus. More and more faculty members and colleagues of mine are taking the Ally training offered by the LGBT center and hopefully more and more "I"m an Ally" stickers will show up on office doors around campus. Another place and person you can turn to if you need to talk and need support and help! So just in case some of you were thinking "what if my professor finds out I'm gay/lesbian/bi/trans?", I'm pretty sure that they'll just tell you "Don't expect a special treatment for being AWESOME!". :-D
#4What do you guys (especially gay men) think about Modern Family? Particularly the gay couple, Cam and Mitchell? Just curious.
#5So these past few months have been rough for me. To say the least, I am very confused. I started feeling attracted to some men and I didn't really know what to make of it. I had never been in and still haven't been in a relationship before so this made it all the more confusing. What also made it worse - I had just liked a girl about a month before this all started. Lately, I have felt like I might be gay but have been struggling with being sure of it. It's not being gay that troubles me - I have talked to many people about how I feel and don't care about people knowing or which way I end up - it's not knowing that scares me. I'm not really sure what's gonna make me finally realize. I've been trying to meet more people in the LGBT community. I went to Fab Friday today which was a lot of fun but later on in the day it just made me think more about this dilemma and I just got more upset. I feel like I won't ever be sure unless I go on a date with someone or kiss/hook up with someone (guy or girl). I feel like this situation has taken over my life the past few months and I don't know what to do. And with only ~5 weeks left of the semester, I feel like I won't figure it out by then and then I go home for 3.5 months where I know one gay person and I'll be left to question that entire time. I just don't know what to do with myself regarding this.
#6For the past year here, I've watched my gay friends build relationships with wonderful people, and I couldn't be happier for them. Granted, when they are people that I am attracted to, it does make me a little upset, but I'm their friend, so I can't say that, especially when I really am happy for them. It's usually more about me being upset and angry at my loneliness than it is about them, and it also boils down to the realization that "I'm not their type." I'm a nerd. I'm an introvert. I'm quiet and generally awkward. I don't have the courage to tell people who I am attracted to that, well I'm attracted to them, for fear of being more awkward, fear of being rejected (again and again), and just overall fear that I'm not "boyfriend-material" for that person. I fear that I am looking in all of the wrong places, yet I do not know where to look for people. I've met people at the Center, but that has not worked. There are a lot of people and friends I know that I have my speculations on whether or not they are gay, but I would never go and ask them out, especially if I find out that they are actually straight in the process, since that would be extremely awkward (haven't experienced that yet, but it's only a matter of time). I have talked with my friends about this issue before, and the typical response from them is, "Don't worry, you will definitely find somebody, you shouldn't worry too much about it now." Thankfully, I have one friend who is able to be a pessimist with me, and she raises the point which I raise as well: "What if I don't find anybody? There are plenty of people who are single after college and for their lifetime. And look at divorce rates. Plenty of people are getting divorced, so did they technically find somebody?" I've only been at the whole dating thing for less than a year, but I see my options dwindle day-by-day around me. I know that I'm very pessimistic right now (which is unfortunate since I tend to be an optimist(-ish) in my daily life), but I pose the question: What if I don't find somebody here at Duke? Or back home? Or in the area? I plan to go to grad school, complete my Ph.D., and start teaching and researching after my years of formal education. I'm probably not going to have time after my undergraduate career to enter the dating pool while I'm in grad school, and by the time I'm done (which I approximate 28-30 years of age), it will be much tougher to find time and people to date. I mean, I barely have time as it is now with my schedule, but I'm definitely willing to make time for the person who I like and want to spend time with in a relationship. I've had the unfortunate pleasure of being disappointed by one of my crushes here, and as more friends find boyfriends, multiple. Personally, I would like to stop this. But how? I ask the community at large, what can I do if there is somebody that I like, I am >90% certain he is gay (certainty on if he, in general, is gay is not 100% for my gaydar), but I have no idea on how to approach? How are you all doing it? I really am curious to know. Is it Facebook, randomly meeting them at parties, or what? I just don't know what I am doing wrong.
#7Hey community, I wanted to respond to anon. #4 last week (defining identities and bisexuality as an umbrella term) in a way that I knew people would actually read it. So here it is. As recently as a month ago, I would have really agreed with #4. As an identified bisexual, it feels isolating and rejecting when people tell you over and over again that they're attracted to men and women, but they don't identify as bi. It leaves you feeling like "is my sexual identity out of style?" "Am I different from you, or am I missing a memo?" "Why do people at women loving women say that they wouldn't date people like me?". It can put you on a defensive platform, defending the existence of bisexuality constantly. It can also be really isolating to identify as bisexual when so many people are attracted to both sexes, but so few people will identify as bi. I started to think "if only you guys would identify like I do, we could have a community, an identify, and a voice", But that was back when I was attracted to masculine male-sexed individuals and feminine female-sexed individuals. It was much clearer back then. Now as I begin to notice that butch woman on stage or that gender non-conforming person in the corner, (and feel less and less attracted to men, but that's beside the point) I feel like bisexual doesn't cut it anymore. I'm not sure what to call myself, so queer is becoming a nice catch-all. Of course this leaves me feeling like a hypocrite. But maybe it would be nice to use bisexual as an umbrella term, much like transgender is an umbrella term. Or maybe queer is enough of an umbrella term and bisexuality should be included under it. Or maybe we should all just use gay. Anyway, if we could just choose one word to unite us all, maybe we would feel more powerful in numbers and in voice. Then people could and identify under that with their more nuanced terms without worrying about fragmenting our population and isolating certain people. It's just a thought. Anyway, I just wanted to say to anon #4, as a person who thought like you very recently, I can appreciate your frustration. But as I change, I'm beginning to change my mind. That's all. Sincerely, Nicole Dautel