January 17, 2011

Anonymous Posts (1.10.11-1.16.11) Part I

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)

Hey y'all - a couple quick things. Wednesday is the first BDU meeting of the semester. We'll be discussing the Anti-Hate Speech Campaign, Spring Charity Drag Show (I'm... considering this), Lavender Ball, The Statewide Lobbying Trip and National Day of Silence. We also made a lot of progress on distributing flags this weekend ("Ugh! Finally!" -You. I know, I know.) and we'll talk about how this is going down in the next week or so.

Also! There's going to be a meeting for This Blog tomorrow night at 9 in my room (Kilgo J210). These are consistently just The Most Fun and cookie filled. Whether you're interested in writing or just helping out in general or just hungry, come! Come. Everyone's invited.

Ok. Anonymous posts. Let's do this.

As a christian my faith contradicts my sexuality...well maybe since I'm more in the questioning phase rite now...but anyways I was lookin at verses in the bible against homosexuality and hoping that I could prove them wrong. Well they all seemed pretty straight forward...no gay sex. But that brought me to believe what about gay relationships with no sex involved? I would prefer that anyways...I don't really wanna do anybody, boys or girls. But then I always have to wonder if I'm just being a bastard who dots her i's and crosses her t's but doesn't really do what's right. Maybe my nonsexual lesbian relationship could only occur in a perfect world. Until then, I know I sure don't like guys maybe asexual is the way to go?

The other day I had a conversation with a friend that really upset me, but I wasn't able to adequately express my frustration for some reason. She shared that she and a mutual friend of ours believe that my girlfriend is trans. Apparently they had come to this conclusion solely based on her appearance--neither of them have ever had a proper conversation with her. I was particularly upset by their assumptions because they are both part of the community--bisexual and trans--and should know better than to label people based on physical attributes. I struggled to express my frustration to my friend, however, because I didn't want her to misinterpret my taking offense. I wasn't offended that they think she's trans--that would imply that there's something wrong with being trans, which I certainly don't believe. My girlfriend, while she does have short hair and a mildly masculine build, is a beautiful, extremely feminine, lesbian woman. Period. Had either of them taken the time to get to know her they would understand that. So, I suppose I was bothered because I know how upset and hurt she is when people mistake her for a man. The entire conversation was extremely frustrating, and I think my friend still doesn't understand why I was upset. Our community is so concerned with breaking down stereotypes and presumptive labels placed on us by our heterosexual peers, but in reality, we are just as guilty--if not more so occasionally.

"I can guarantee a haircut will tell you nothing about a person's gender, who they love or how they fuck." -Andrea Gibson

She is an incredible poet, by the way. You should check her out.

She doesn't know that I'm crazy in love with her, and that I've been in love with her for longer than she'll ever know, and that the only thing I look forward to each day is the possibility of telling her someday how much I feel for her. But even this small possibility makes me happy.

[Part II here]


  1. #1, There are so many things I can relate to in your post that it kind of makes me uncomfortable, because I've always thought I was one in a million with these thoughts on asexuality in relationships and it's weird to see someone share the same sentiments and put them in words (though, I've never been one to have any sort of conflict with religion in regards to sexuality--I AM a Christian, in all senses of the word, and I am also a queer woman).

    Honestly, this post really goes back to the religion part and how you view your own, personal spirituality and relationship with your religion. I'm still hung up on the asexuality part, however (not in a bad way). I hope while this post is being replied to, the religion part will be addressed in a respectful way and the asexuality part won't be overlooked.

    #2: There's never a problem with pointing out to a friend how rude and ignorant they're being. Just saying. I wouldn't have tolerated that.

    #3: Love is beautiful. :)

  2. Ahhhhhh I love that poet. She was at the Duke Coffeehouse last year and it was the most amazing thing I've ever seen.

  3. #2. Wow. Really impressive and moving. :)

  4. Thank you so much to whoever shared that clip of the poet!! loved it.

  5. #1: I agree with Ebony on your personal relationship with God and your spirituality. More than that, though, is that you don't personally feel the desire to be sexual with any other person. Male or Female. It could be because you are, in fact, asexual. It could also be because you're not interested/haven't found that person who just so compliments you. Rather than attempting to label yourself as cut and dry asexual, I would have just maintained an open mind about it, that way and self imposed label wouldn't get in the way of any feelings I may have.

    I hope that makes sense...I'm just one to keep an open mind about my sexuality because of it's fluidity. That and I just don't really like to define myself. I know my sexuality for the most part, but there are always grey areas, so I just stay open to my feelings.

    #2: You have every right to point out how much their comments hurt her (and you, in turn). It is something to take offense to, because it was their assumptions and assumption about your girlfriends masculinity in general that cause her such pain. I would point out their lack of sufficient information, but present it in such a way that you invite them to see how much of a wonderful and feminine lesbian she actually is! That way you're not shutting the door on them.

  6. #1) I had a conversation with a theologian at the Div School about this, and his opinion was that at least Catholic doctrine technically leaves unanswered non-sexual romantic interactions. For example, same-sex hand-holding (even if it's romantic) he thinks is in no way counter to doctrine. And that's in the rather intolerant Catholic Church... That being said, the Bible always seems more focused on the spirit of the law, not its letter, and in the end. But, as the Catholic Archbishop of Westminster recently was quoted saying, "When it comes to understanding what human sexuality is for, there is a lot that we have to explore..."

    I see experience as a fundamental way the Spirit moves in the world. In Methodist theology there's a concept called the Wesley quadrilateral, where God reveals himself through Scripture, Tradition, Reason, and Experience.

    I have no convenient answers for you, unfortunately. But be attentive to what your experience tells you. You never know how God will surprise the world.

    "So faith, hope and love remain, these three. But the greatest of these is love."

  7. #1: I can relate to where you're coming from. Though my situation is a bit different from yours, I do feel the need to reconcile my Christian leanings (I hesitate to call them beliefs because I have a whole host of doubts) with my sexual orientation and gender identity. You might find this helpful:


    It's certainly helped bring me some peace.