[Editors
Note: Hey y'all, I just wanted to put a little reminder for you about the
Center's Pride Prep party this afternoon at 4. We're meeting in the LGBT Center
to have some food, drink, and good times. We'll be making signs to hold on the
float at Pride next Saturday so if you want to make your own sign to carry,
stop on by! We've got supplies!]
I have had, over
my nineteen years, my fair share of experiences with what I’m going to call
unrequited like, that is, a crush gone wrong, unreturned feelings, and the
like. I wouldn’t really call it “love” because that’s too strong of a word;
some of the people for whom I’ve had feelings are people that, quite honestly,
I know almost nothing about besides the surface level. Perhaps “obsession” is a
better word, though the negative connotation associated with that word makes me
loath to use it to describe a crush. To be as gay as humanly possible, I’ll
just say I felt like Elphaba in “I’m Not That Girl” from
Wicked.
Needless to say, having unreturned feelings
for someone is not very fun – it made me doubt a lot of things about myself:
was it my personality? My intelligence? My looks? Or was it just that I, as a
whole, was simply not desirable? This
little self-pity party was, in retrospect, unnecessary. Maybe it wasn’t
anything about me; it is, after all, perfectly possible for someone to be
intelligence, attractive, and have a good personality and still not ‘do it’ for
everyone.
So, he didn’t like me back. I got
over it. That’s pretty much how that whole deal works, but I have to admit that
I’ve held a bit of a grudge since then. I know it’s silly and immature, but I
can’t really help but feel some animosity towards the boy who, when I had the
bittersweet experience of close-quarters communication, either ignored me or
was downright rude. But “hey,” I told myself, “at least he’s talking to you,
even if it is a ‘fuck off’ here and there.”
This summer I had the tables turned
on me. By that, I mean that instead of being the lovesick mess, I was on the
receiving end of an unrequited like. It has changed my perspective about my experience
last year quite a bit. I will admit that, when my feelings towards the guy in
question were unreturned, I probably played the victim. I’m not ashamed of
that, that’s exactly what it felt like from my perspective. But the great thing
about perspective is that it can change.
Does this mean I forgive my ex-crush for the way that he treated me? No, not
entirely, but I better understand why
he acted the way he did and how I can act differently so as not to put someone
through that same experience.
It was difficult to decide how to treat the
situation, especially after having first-hand experience as the unwanted suitor.
I had a difficult time deciding whether it was best to ignore it completely and
hope that the clean cut from him would allow him to move on or whether that
would, as in my case, simply turn the crush into bitterness. Though it was
difficult and pretty awkward for both of us, I found it was better for our
relationship in the long run to talk to him about his crush and explain that,
while I valued his friendship, I was not currently interested in pursuing a
relationship with him. Things still aren’t great between us, but I think it’s
important to have the decency to treat him and his feelings with respect, even
if it means a period of hard feelings may occur. I hope that, in the long run, closing
the door on him will allow him to realize that there are many other suitable
doors down the hall.
Being the recipient of an unwanted
crush is hard. It’s awkward. It’s tedious. But when you find yourself as the
recipient of unwanted affection, try to remember however ‘hard,’ ‘awkward,’ or
‘tedious’ it is to deal with someone liking you; it’s many times more difficult
and uncomfortable for the other person. To
continue my door analogy, wouldn’t you rather someone answer the door to tell
you that “no,” they didn’t, in fact, “order the tall, fair-skinned, brunette
with freckles” and that “someone must have made a mistake” instead of ignoring
the doorbell completely?
I could've sworn this blog was LGBT related, not dating frustration.
ReplyDeleteBe careful not to make a power trip out of the second guy; just because you've been rejected doesn't mean you have to reject.
ReplyDeleteThanks for such an honest and detailed look at unreturned crushes. I know posting this must have been difficult for you.
ReplyDelete<3 this.
ReplyDelete