June 7, 2010

Anonymous Posts

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)

Not much to rant about today, Readers, besides the fact that the blog is BLOWING UP, and everybody is coming up so big. Good work, Staff! And keep it up, because We All love to hear what you have to say.

As we all know the season finale of Glee is tomorrow night. I am so nervous because I do not know exactly what is going to happen! (I know exactly what is going to happen.) Anyhow, I'll be live-blogging it here, so we can all have a place to watch it together. More details to come!

Interesting anonymous posts today, People. Curious to see what you all have to say.

i'm questioning. i'm starting to be comfortable with the fact that maybe i'm bi. but i'm afraid to come out because maybe i'm wrong.

New York Times Op-ed: Gay? Whatever, Dude.

Something has been stirring up inside of me lately since I have been home, and I don't think I could have put my finger on it until now, but I think I'm going through a strange phase where I am starting to ask myself, "Am I too gay?"

Now, I'm not talking about a scale of gayness as depicted by some sort of cerebral flamboyance meter wherein I believe I am too "feminine" for the public good. I am talking about whether my life, in the last semester and especially since coming home, has revolved around my being gay to a point where my friends at home don't really want to hang out with me anymore.

When I was a closeted guy in high school, and even to a point last summer, I felt like I had so much going on for me. I talked about everything such as books, politics, movies, pop culture, etc. But ever since I have become a freer version of myself, that is, more willing to discuss my sexual likings, I feel like I have lost the interesting edge that has kept me in sync with my friends from home.

I have just been feeling recently that my friends, well at least my most important one, has stopped wanting to hang out with me since I have been home this break. Perhaps I have just become too "gay" now, since it seems to control a lot of what I talk about when I'm with them. In a sense, I am so thankful that I no longer have to hide who I am, but at the same time, I feel like everything I do, from checking websites, to going clubbing, seems to revolve around my sexuality when in earlier times, this never used to be the case.

At school my friends are both gay and straight, and I'm so thankful that I keep in touch with all of them. But is there a point when the people I surround myself with can be "too gay?" Am I limiting myself to a group that will eventually lead me to forget how to interact with a straight audience?

On another note: I often think to myself if I want to distance myself from the gay community at Duke, as it seems that in the past semester, the cattiness has risen to a point of animosity and malicious intent that I don't want to deal with anymore for my own good. It's like Samantha Jones said, "I love you, but I love me more."

I don't want to be a person whose sexuality seems to dictate the course of their actions, but with this new sense of freedom, I feel like I can't help but want to express myself in ways I never have before. Perhaps not having a loved one is part of it. But in all honesty, perhaps I do want the "old" me back, because although he wasn't out, at least he remained interesting to a wide audience, including his best friends from home.


  1. #1 - Good for you, for questioning. Many people are afraid to go that far. I personally don't feel that there is a "wrong" or a "right" in these sorts of questions. Just live your life how you want to, and let the chips fall as they may. Do what you want to do, go where you want to go and see who you want to see. Don't worry about how to label yourself.

    #3 - If you're focusing on what matters to you, then why hesitate? Why can't you do it all? The interests you pursue as a gay man don't have to be a replacement for previous ones. They can be an addition.

  2. #3. I feel as if someone has entered my head and posted my thoughts here for me.

  3. 3- I completely agree with the anonymous poster right above me. I've been struggling with this a lot lately. I find that everything that interests me now is about sexuality, and I don't really want that to be the case. Anyways, thank you for showing me I'm not alone in this struggle/confusion. I don't really have any advice or constructive thoughts on this, but I just wanted to make sure you knew that you aren't alone either.

  4. #3: You came out only a couple years ago tops (you said you were closeted in high school) so I think it's pretty unsurprising that you feel like everything's changed really fast. I think you should give yourself some time. You're still discovering things about your identity and sexuality. Just because you're spending time fleshing out your gay identity/getting acquainted with the gay community now doesn't mean it has to dominate your life forever. And as a straight young adult, I can tell you that I have the same fears--I always worry about how I'm talking and thinking too much about my love life, whether enough of my life is focused on my individual interests rather than on my relationship, etc. It's not just you being "too gay."

    And have you considered that maybe your audience is the one with the problem? You're just being yourself. Don't hesitate to be gay just because it seems "out there," or because you worry that it's not appealing to a straight audience like politics/books/music/etc. I don't know if you feel that way, but I hope you don't!

  5. Hey #1: I'm so glad that you're actually open to questioning your sexuality. The worst thing that can happen is that you are wrong. Just try to explore those different feelings and you'll be able to figure it out. Don't worry about how the public will receive your "flip flopping" if, in fact, you do realize that you're not bisexual but have already told people that you are. Sexuality is complex, don't worry about anyone else but your own happiness.

    And #3: If you feel totally free and comfortable with who you are now and if you love who you are, then don't worry about whether or not you're "too gay" for others. You've had to hide this all your life and finally you can express your true self and you're probably completely taken by this new liberty that it seems to be dominating all of your thoughts. That's just fine.
    Also, don't think about your "old self" and "new self". They're not two different things, it's just one modification upon the other. You haven't lost your "old self," your friends just need to accept and understand your "new self."

  6. #1 - I'm really proud of you for making it this far. =) I know when I was a freshman at Duke and trying to figure out what on earth I was going to do about being gay...it was super difficult to even take the baby steps. I guess the only advice that I can give you is that it's worth it to check out the center and explore this with your friends-but that it is definitely hard at first, and you'll have to decide if this is worth it for you.

    Also, I think it's natural to worry about whether or not you're "wrong" or not. I mean, there have been loads of times when I still question how I think I identify. It's really new and it would be weird if it were a light switch reaction. Personally, it helped me a lot to think back to the history of all the people I really liked (loved :D) and look for a gender trend. ;)

    #3 - I would agree with what Swati said-I sometimes wonder if this is me too, but then I realize, this is literally 19 years of repressed sexuality. I see this as a "catch up". :D I think as long as you're keeping a mindfulness of others and being true to yourself, you really can't go wrong.

  7. #1 - good for you, admitting that you're questioning. that really is a huge step. my advice, when you feel comfortable, try to make a few new friends at the center. go ahead and call yourself bi around them, just to try on the word for size. if, as you gain confidence interacting with a new set of people, you come to change your mind, it's unlikely that anyone will care all that much--it's a pretty common story.

    anyway, just a few things to remember:

    - the most liberating decision you can make is to affirm your own identity without caring about people who object
    - you'll meet some of the friendliest people ever at the center.
    - college is the best time to experiment, since you're away from home and your real life has NOT started yet.
    - if you are gay/bi/queer, the first time you develop a relationship with someone of the same gender will feel AMAZING.

  8. #3 - you're thinking too much. act as you feel comes most naturally, not as you feel will give you an "interesting edge." the way to be happy is to be, unapologetically, yourself.