June 14, 2010

Anonymous Posts

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)

Just got back from DC Pride with a bunch of Dukies. Simply epic. Pride is a cathartic and comforting showing of solidarity in a country that seems to want nothing to do with "others." Having said that, I have never felt more pale and out of shape in my life.

Anyhow. I think I've hijacked the blog enough this week, so I'm just going to get to the anonymous posts.

Right now nothing is more difficult than figuring out whether I also like men or whether I'm just trying to distract myself from other issues in my life. It used to come and go in high school, so upon entering college I chalked my feelings up to teenage angst. But these days I'm starting to feel that way regularly and I know I'm much more on top of things than I was as a high schooler. To be frank, I'm completely petrified at the idea of approaching another man, let alone telling close friends or family members. I like to think of myself as a guy who doesn't care what other people think of him, but I know the things some of my friends say and I can't help but wonder whether they'd ever feel like they could act like themselves around me. And why am I even thinking about coming out? I'm not even sure if I'm being honest with myself at this point.

And just like that, Zealots by the Fugees came up on iTunes and I feel better for the time being. Thank you for bearing with my rant. May you all haunt MCs like Mephistopheles. That's a reference to the song I'm listening to, in case I just confused everyone.

Follow up to my post (had The Fugees song): Clearly I'm a true hipster. I want people to think I have good taste in music even when I'm anonymous :P


  1. Chris, I for one adore when you commandeer the blog.

    & to the Anon: I think these worries themselves may need consideration. Whether or not you want to question your sexuality, it is important that it's understood as a process and in need of a support system. If you are concerned about what your friends will think, are they the right friends to keep around? Conversely, are you giving them enough credit?

    I think we all get politically incorrect to joke around, until someone calls us on our bullshit. So maybe they're using hate speech, but maybe that's because they don't know anyone who identifies or questions themselves as LGBTQ.

    Whatever happens in the future for you, I don't think I'm alone when I ask earnestly to call out hate speech wherever you hear it. It hurts us all.

    Thank you for your post, I definitely listened to the Fugees after reading it! :D

  2. Hey #1 (and 1.5 :D), ditto to what Summer said. I think it's really important to start thinking about this.

    I know this might not be what you're looking for...but I think this is really normal. If it helps, I still think about all of these sames issues-("how do people feel around me?" or "are they acting differently?")-and I'm out. So that is something to keep in mind..that's it a process you have to work at. And I wouldn't get down on yourself about questioning this either-I once had a friend tell me that "you can't judge how you feel", because that's just where you are right now. I tried CAPS and I'd really recommend it if you're in an area where you can do that. (See right hand link on the blog.) I'm sure people in this community would also be more than happy to help you. Good luck!! =)

  3. Hey number 1/1.5,

    Certainly one of the most difficult challenges about the coming out process can be considering how friends will react. But often people react much differently (and better) when directly confronted with an issue.

    Before I came out, I was petrified of what my friends might think of me were they to know. Many (actually most) of them frequently threw around some pretty homophobic comments. But when they finally did find out, their reactions were almost universally positive and supportive, much to my delight.

    Often, as Summer said, people continue to say insensitive things because they don't know an LGBTQI person. It's amazing how finding out that a close friend is gay, or bi, questioning, or any identity can changes someone's perceptions and worldview. Of course, this may not necessarily be the case for all of your friends, but you may be surprised.

    Whatever you decide to do, remember that you should go at your own pace, but know that there are resources and people out there who are more than happy to help you, like people in this community and the LGBT Center.

    I wish you the best and hope that you are able to come to a place where these issues are clearer for you!

  4. Questioning is AWESOME!!!! I always question myself and I've been out as gay for 5 years now. I still wonder if I should re-classify myself as bisexual or if I can even claim a gay identity without claiming a male identity. These are wonderful things that shouldn't frustrate you so much. I completely understand the pressures of society to fit yourself immediately into a box and to never budge from it, but this is simply just not logical. Welcome your questioning and use it as an opportunity to further learn more about yourself and who you are.

  5. Love the updates, Chris! I miss you so much, but I know you're having a blast!

    To the anon: I'll try to keep this shortish because I don't want to keep reiterating the same ideas, but basically. That.

    No, kidding, so you shouldn't worry so much about what you think will happen if you tell your friends the truth. If they're actually your friends then they'll accept you for who you are, or try to understand who you are and adapt (sometimes it'll take time), but if they don't accept it then you probably shouldn't be friends with them, in my personal opinion.

    That's not to say that you shouldn't associate with people of differing views, but you should probably not keep them in your group of close friends if they simply cannot understand your existence.

    However, on top of ALL of this. You must be comfortable with yourself. If you're still petrified to approach another man, then that is something that you need to handle before you try to have the extra load of worrying about your friends. The Center has a super support system if you want to talk, but mostly you'll be soul searching a lot on your own.

    That wasn't really short at all...sorry...

  6. ur here, ur queer. get used to/over it.