Who I Am (and Who Are You?)

I received my first assignment to write for the blog, and I had a difficult time trying to think about what to write. I started to think about current events, pop culture, and the like, but nothing seemed to click. So I figured I ought to introduce myself, and go from there.

My name is Cameron Kim. I am a first-year from Florida, and I am studying to be a biomedical engineer with a double major in mathematics, and perhaps an IGSP certificate. Clearly, I am a little insane for wanting to complete all of those requirements in four years, but I think I can do it. I am a nerd, and I am quite proud of that. As a matter of fact, as I write this post, I am working with friends on a math competition test. I am the quidditch referee (I'm sure you've seen me out there). But most importantly, I am an introvert.

When I first came to Duke, I feared being an introvert, let alone a gay introvert. College always seemed to be a place where you had to party, get drunk, and be friends with everybody, but I don't do the party scene and do not plan to change that, and I am perfectly okay with that. I was not completely out in high school, but because I was so worried about fitting in, I was not sure whether I had to be completely out or completely closeted. I decided to go with the completely closeted. But I was not happy because I felt like I was not being myself, but being out is not even who I am.

This post, is for the LGBT-identified introverts and/or closeted friends who feel the way I do. I have been an anonymous poster, just like many of you have been. You are not alone in how you feel.

Even though I am posting on this blog, I still feel as though I am closeted. I do not openly tell people I'm gay unless they ask. I still see myself trying to conform to heteronormative standards because that just feels "right." But even though I acknowledge these behaviors, I am proud of who I am.

And if the rest of the post seems to be rambling words of nonsense, just read this part: Be proud of who you are.

Who are you? What do you like? Have you thought about that recently? I think college is a great place to sit down and define you as an individual. Sure, there are ethnic groups and other groups that you may identify with, but sit down and figure out who you are. Labels don't define you; others don't define you. You define you.

LGBT and Education

A man named Clint McCance recently wrote a series of anti-gay epithets on his Facebook profile. Is this newsworthy in itself? Not really.

What is newsworthy, however, is the fact that McCance is VP of the Midland School District in Arkansas. That’s right; a man who likes “that fags can’t procreate” and “enjoy[s] the fact that they often give each other aids and die” is managing the education of children.

If you wonder why so many schools are hostile places for LGBT youth, look no further than anti-gay school officials. While a large component of anti-gay sentiment is undoubtedly student-driven, if school administrators and teachers were more sympathetic to the unique challenges facing LGBT students, it’s likely that schools would become more tolerant from the top down.

Is anything being done about this? The answer is “kind of.” Soon after taking office, President Obama named Kevin Jennings, founder of the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), director of the Office of Safe and Drug Free Schools. While this is a good start, the recent LGBT teen suicides suggest that there is much work to be done.

What can you do to help make our public schools safe, welcoming environments? If you don’t work in education, one of the most important things you can do is vote in local elections for LGBT friendly school board and superintendent candidates. I realize this post comes, like, three days late, but keep in mind for future elections that local official can sometimes have huge impacts on the lives of LGBT teens.

If you are a teacher, coming out is one of the best things you can do. Mark Kleinschmidt, the Mayor of Chapel Hill, recently spoke to Blue Devils United about his experience as an openly gay public figure. Kleinschmidt said that one of the biggest regrets of his life was not coming out to his students when he taught high school social studies. Not only do openly gay teachers have the ability to change attitudes by promoting tolerance, but they also serve as crucial role models for LGBT youth. Openly gay teachers are becoming increasingly commonplace, and some have even formed networks, like the Proud Apple Social Club in Chapel Hill.

And don’t even try to tell me that teachers, regardless of sexuality, should keep their private lives out of the classroom. If your elderly Spanish teacher can ramble endlessly about his grandchildren, there’s no reason your English teacher can’t talk about her wife.

The Pinhook and The Flowergirl

"It's supposedly super queer!"

I wasn't sure what to expect, but, feeling spontaneous, I accepted my friend's offer to venture to The Pinhook in downtown Durham. I'm glad I did.

One of the headlines that night at The Pinhook was the band of the partner of a female friend of mine. I have always been a fan of live, original music, but this particular performance hit me in a very special way.

The night began with a band which already seemed to have pleased the crowd fairly well (I recall them singing about corpses in some body of water...). Eventually, my friend's partner took the stage. After a few songs in the set, she dedicated a song, "The Flowergirl," to her partner in the crowd. I felt myself getting excited.

I saw everyone else getting excited, too.

The band began to play, and I immediately sensed a connection between the two: the eye contact, the smiles, and the general happiness. Through all of these, they were saying so much more to each other than the story told in the lyrics of the song.

The crowd adored it. There was such a strong presence of acceptance and embrace in the room. That was the first time I had ever experienced something like that. A woman was singing to her lover, another woman, and no one thought twice about it. It was a celebration of love that may not have been so celebrated just a short time ago.

I couldn't stop smiling.

To those two: Thank you for your love.

My Sexuality: What it Doesn't Mean for YOU

[Ed. Note: This is our new blogger Xan, Everyone :) Aaaand I'm pretty sure this is my favorite post intro ever.]

While this is my first time writing for the blog—and perhaps this is not the best way to start out—I cannot help but be 100% me. Always. That being said, I write about what I feel, what I know, and about what I think. So excuse me for ranting. I’m sorry. Now let’s move on.

For the past two weeks I’ve been feeling very objectified. Perhaps it’s been my rainbow wristband or my “Love = Love” shirt, but I’ve been receiving a lot of questions about my sexual orientation. My response? Yes I’m bi…what’s it to you? After the look of excitement in their eyes simmers down, these straight males try and play it off. Oh nothing, that’s cool. So…And then it begins. Their limited range of understanding starts searching for the “advantage”. How can this new information be of use to them?

Little do they know, it’s of no use at all. I know heterosexual geared pornography tells straight men that lesbians and bi-sexuals simply live to fulfill their erotic dreams BUT for some reason I thought Duke would breed men of higher intellectual caliber. Apparently not.

However, it isn’t just straight males. I was asked to “hook up” (which I confess I have no idea what that really means) by a female I had known for a short 5 days. This made me wonder if we (we being non-heterosexual women) help perpetuate this negative concept of fluidity. I was really offended by the request and it reminded me of the falsely confident straight men who had the nerve to ask…So would you ever have a threesome. My response? For all those who care to know, I have made a quick list of things that my sexuality does NOT mean for others:

1. I am NOT an outlet for your sexual fantasy
2. I am NOT an easy sexual target
3. I am NOT promiscuous
4. I am NOT a hook up

I hope you, however you identify, would agree and hold yourself to the same standards.

Anonymous Posts (10.25.10-10.31.10)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)

Hey. Community. I have 320 flags in my room right now, and 263 requests for them. That is so many flags and requests for them! The Most Flags and Requests for Them. And this is an awesome thing.

But! But. The only way to put these up efficiently and effectively is if I have a ton of people volunteering to help. Our MO (no pun intended (okay, sort of pun intended)) will be installing flags one building at a time (dorm storming) over the course of a week or so. As such, the number of people we'll need to help every night will vary anywhere from 10 to 30 depending on the building(s) (ahem). So please! Sign up. Like, you don't have to be free every time we're putting up flags (because duh you don't have to be free every time we're putting up flags) and if I have 60 or so volunteers to solicit every outing (lol) we should be good. You can sign up to help by commenting on this post, sending me a message on Facebook, sending an email to bluedevilsunited@gmail.com, slipping a note under my door (?) (Kilgo J 210), or, I don't know, leaving a post-it in the Häagen-Dazs freezer in Bella (something I frequent often :///).

-You right now, probably.

In other news, WOMYN CAME IN TODAY EVERYONE AND THE EDITORS HAVE SEEN IT AND BY ALL ACCOUNTS (read: GIGGLES) IT'S AMAZING AND YOU SHOULD TOTALLY PICK ONE UP WHEN IT HITS STANDS NEXT WEEK AND IT'S ALSO NOT TO LATE TO WRITE FOR IT (YOU AND ANYONE AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS SHOULD TOTALLY WRITE FOR IT) BECAUSE WE COULD, LIKE, STILL STAPLE A PIECE OF LOOSELEAF WITH YOUR ESSAY ON IT TO ALL OF THE MAGAZINES THAT CAME IN TODAY!!!!!

I tease :) Megan, Jack and Summer have worked incredibly hard on this and I really can't wait to see the finished product. I'm also superexcited for this event!

And lastly, tomorrow is Election Day, y'all. Let's vote? Let's vote. In the spirit of Super Tuesday, I'd like to provide a guide on how to not ever win any (let alone gubernatorial) election in New York:

Oof. What a Jerkasaurus Rex. Who's running this guy's campaign? Captain Stupid? (I'm majoring in Wit Studies at Duke, if you couldn't tell.)

Anonymous posts for the week, yo.

#1

A lot has happened in the last two weeks that has been really overwhelming and painful, and very little of it was at all related to sexuality. Just being at the center has been a huge help though. I am so grateful that so many people have worked so hard to build such an accepting community. When I'm at the Center I feel so cared about.

There are obviously a lot of meaningful challenges associated with being LBGTQ identified at Duke. And yet, for everyone who has made it out to the Center, I would really encourage you to take a moment to think about what its like to be a part of any community at Duke who accepts you for who you are, because so many people at Duke don't have that.

I want to thank everyone for making me feel so loved.

#2

Hi everybody! I'm still kinda new to Duke, and I recently found out about this blog, and I have actually been enjoying the pieces on there..Anyways, so I have a quick question: like so many of the other anonymous posters, I'm still struggling with coming out and so it would be so hard for me to come to the BDU center. And, sometimes I feel like my situation is quite complex too as I was raised religious, plus I'm black too...so that carries with it issues of its own.. But I still feel like I am missing out a lot and I would ideally like to meet and get to know someone, but that seems hard on it's own (with out coming out)..anyways, that being said, if anybody is in a similar situation or would like to talk or offer any tips--or just meet someone new, shoot me an email dannybrown86@aol.com [if this is acceptable]. Thanks

#3

I would like to thank the editor of this blog for making it such a helpful, great looking resource for our community. Keep up the great work Chris Perry!

#4

[Ed. Note: Deleted. This wasn't so clear cut, as I think there's merit in examining historical documents no matter what they say. However! This has to be done in the right context. As in, "Hey, let's examine this historical document for what it is" not "why aren't we doing this anymore?" And as commenters have pointed out, the pamphlet contained, uh, literal hate speech directed towards entire groups. And as I'm quoted below, hate speech in this context shouldn't be tolerated. As completely awful as Jesse Helms was, we don't wish death upon people because duh. And if the text had been hosted on this site, with the same context, it would have been a no-brainer. But linking to a completely different website makes the scruples here a little less obvious. After speaking to many people, though, we decided that (as a good friend interpreted our policy) "I would take the word 'contain' to include content not only written by the poster but contained in the post. Adding the hyperlink essentially makes that document part of the post."

This may seem didactic and verbose and didactic, and apologies for that, but I'm trying to explain the thought processes here. Even though this blog will be a year old in a week, there are still things that we're feeling out and issues that have no precedent. I take this seriously because I am thinking long-term, and being reactionary or going for a quick-fix would not be the most helpful.

I'm sorry to anyone offended that I linked to the document. I did not read all eight pages before posting it (because eight pages) but this is obviously a mistake I won't make again. And once I had read it, I was caught off-guard and had to carefully decide what to do. So, yes, sorry that something we ultimately decided to take down was up for 20 hours or so. Thanks for being patient, y'all.]

WOMYN Magazine Release!

Hello WOMYN! This is an exciting time!

We are very happy to announce that WOMYN magazine will be arriving to campus Undergraduate Publication Board (UPB) newsstands next Tuesday morning, November 9th! Be sure to grab your copy early that morning!

Secondly, we are having a celebratory WOMYN Release Party the night before the magazine hits campus, on Monday, November 8th, from 5:30-7pm in the LGBT Center. All LGBTQ women, members of the WOMYN review board, and those who submitted pieces to WOMYN magazine are welcome to attend.

Lastly, if for some reason you are unable to pick up your own physical copy of WOMYN before they run out, we will reserve permanant copies of the magazine in the Center for LGBT Life so that you can see it anytime you are on campus.

Thank you to everyone-get excited!!!!!
- Megan, Jack and Summer