Lavender Ball Recap

"Dirt and glitter cover the floor,
We're pretty and sick,
We're young and were bored" –Ke$ha

Duke’s LGBTQA students were anything but bored Saturday night as they celebrated the annual Lavender Ball in the Freeman Center for Jewish Life. The event, hailed by some as a comedy of (drunken) errors, drew hundreds of students and was a function of Blue Devils United, Duke’s undergraduate LGBT student association. Event chairs Ari and his co did an outstanding job of planning and executing the event. Thanks also to DJ Chris “Gays-just-don't-appreciate-their-gay-icons-anymore!” Perry [Ed. Note: I just wanted to play I'm Every Woman at a gay event. Is that so wrong?!] and photographer Ollie “Prom-pose!” Wilson.

The night started slowly because, according one slightly slurred suggestion, attendees were “running on gay time.” The dance floor quickly crowded, though, and disorderly conduct increased over the course of the night (see chart).


Social columns used to be newspaper staples in big cities. These columns would report to the masses the proceedings of all the biggest parties and outline who did what, and with whom. I’ll refrain from doing the same—you’re welcome. What I will divulge, however, is that the event was a ton of fun. Whether dancing, reconnecting with LGBT students from all around the triangle, or watching Spencer Paez werq, everyone involved had a blast.

The theme of the event was “The prom you never had,” but I’m not sure anyone has ever had a prom quite like that.

(Above photos by Ollie Wilson. Many thanks to him for letting us use them, and to those pictured, for looking absolutely stunning!)

"Duke Gay"

I was offered admission to Duke University exactly one year ago today, but at the time I was justifiably concerned about a different kind of acceptance.

At 5:00 pm, I found out of my acceptance and by 5:01 I was wondering about LGBT life at Duke. The first phrase I searched on the internet was the first that came to mind: “Duke gay.” Whether this reflects my poor knowledge of Google’s search algorithms or simply my nervous excitement, I’m not sure.

What was I looking for? I’m not sure. I’ll tell you what I’ve since found, though.

Duke’s Center for LGBT Life is a great resource and the students that frequent it form a great community. Duke has many LGBT students representing all backgrounds. How many students? I won’t lie and say that we’re a Yale or a Smith, but there are enough students for a diverse, strong, and outspoken community. There are alternatives to this community, though—many openly LGBT students don’t have anything to do with the Center and are perfectly happy. The LGBT dating scene is strong, though the LGBT hookup scene is stronger. But that’s just college, right?

Openly gay students rarely rush fraternities and sororities, but it isn’t unheard of. Selective living groups—typically coed and accepting—are popular alternatives to Greek life, providing networking opportunities and social outlets without rigid gender roles or a stressful rush process.

While there is always room for improvement, the Administration has a history of LGBT support. In addition to funding the Center for LGBT life, it maintains a strong anti-discrimination policy inclusive of sexual orientation. That chapel you’ve seen or heard so much about? Yeah, it hosts same-sex ceremonies.

And don’t write Duke off, like I almost did, just because it’s in the South. Duke is in Durham, which has recently been crowned the Lesbian Capital of the South. Not lesbian? That’s okay, too- Durham, along with Raleigh and Chapel Hill form a region known as the Research Triangle, a moderately liberal oasis within the Bible-Belt. In 2009, openly gay Town Councilman Mark Kleinshmidt ran for and won the office of Mayor of Chapel Hill, which I see as a positive indicator of the region’s social progressiveness.

If you’ve recently been accepted to Duke University, I extend my congratulations. I hope this post and this blog are helpful to you and I encourage you to ask any questions you may have in the comment section. I also recommend that you attend Blue Devil Days to get a feel for campus culture, academic, social, and otherwise.

Oh, and did I mention that NC Pride ran right past my dorm last September?

My favorite new trends in music

3) Techno hits the mainstream

Peaks, valleys, builds and busts formerly relegated to the dance floor are now delivered daily to radios around the nation.

Fig. 1: The radio edit of the new Enrique Iglesias (something of an ally, btw) sounds like what would have been termed a "disco remix" in the past.

Fig. 2: Britney Spears introduces Dubstep to the mainstream at 2:12 in her new single. Hallelujah, hallelujah.

2) Adele

Not to objectify or anything, but I would go straight for her voice.*

*Just kidding, that isn't how it works.

1) LGBT on the airwaves

Fig 1: P!nk performs at a two-groom wedding in the video for Raise Your Glass.

Fig 2: Katy Perry dedicates Firework to fighting the bullying of LGBT teens. Also, dudes make out at 2:15.

Fig 3: Gaga. Do I even need to explain? Not only was she vocal in the fight against DADT, but by explicitly encouraging LGBT self-love in a song that's getting a ton of radio play, she is not only normalizing sexual minorities to those who might typically be opposed, but she's also reaching LGBT youth who otherwise might not realize that they were, for lack of a better phrase, "born this way." Whether you enjoy her music or not, you have to admit that she's making significant inroads for LGBT individuals in America.

"Fab" Friday?

I invite you to stop by Duke's Center for LGBT Life today from 4-6 for "Fab Friday." But I think you should know that the Center is frequented by more than just the fab*.

Among the regular attendees of Fab Friday and other events at the Center are:

Sports enthusiasts

Women

Athletes

Allies

Frat-stars

Pratt-stars

Sorority sisters

Conservatives

Liberals

Artists

Scientists

Musicians

(Future) Politicians

Tar-Heels

Blue Devils

Potential friends.

So if you have preconceived notions of the types of people that go (or don't go) to the Center, I'd advise you to come by this afternoon. I think you'll pleasantly surprised.

*Not that theres anything wrong with being fab, of course.

Riding

So I was at Shooters II a few weeks ago (withhold your laughter, judgment, and/or concerns for my safety) and something happened. Something that caught me off guard.

In addition to creepy old men, an elevated cage, and probably enough bacteria to be considered a biological weapon, Shooters II has a large mechanical bull adjacent to the dance floor. For $5, you can be thrust back and forth in front of the crowd until you fall off. As you may have guessed, the bull is often used while intoxicated.

Male/female couples and female/female pairs often frequent the bull. Thus I was understandably surprised when the man operating the bull turned down the request of another man and I to ride. We had waited in line, we had $5 ready, and as you may have guessed, we were intoxicated. We asked why and he gave a completely unconvincing response about a weight limit.*

Seeing our disappointment, he quickly reminded us that we could still go one at a time.

C’mon, Shooters-Man. It obviously wasn’t about the bull ride.

I didn’t write about this immediately because I figured it was an anomaly, the exception to the rule in (mostly) accepting central North Carolina

And then this happened. If that’s not a wake-up call, a cold reminder that things are still really not okay, then I’m not sure what is.

Living in the Duke bubble had lulled me into a sense of complacency. Duke’s campus is, to a large extent, accepting of sexual minorities. In an environment where being gay is, in my experience, a nonissue, I had forgotten that homosexuality is still not exactly kosher beyond the University walls.

Do better, NC.


*What the man said about the weight limits may be true, and I may be reading too much into this. But trust me; I’ve seen some big girls** on that bull.

**Not that there's anything wrong with that, for the record.

The least interesting coming-out story you will ever read

This is going to be a short post, for all the right reasons.

Over winter break, I came out to the rest of my family. A few knew before, but now everyone is in the loop. I did it at dinner one night- I saw an opening in the conversation and jumped in. Everyone was surprised, but within a few minutes they had accepted it. Despite the suburban and conservative nature of my family, nobody had a problem, nobody asked an insensitive or insulting question. Conversation marched along, nothing different. I literally have nothing else to say about it, which is kind of awesome.

At first I felt gratitude at being accepted by my family. Then I remembered that it's the job of a family to accept its offspring. I began to question why I was feeling gratitude- if I was born this way and didn’t choose it, why should I be grateful for acceptance? If someone with brown hair is born into a family of blondes, should they feel grateful for not being turned out of the house? As a fiery young idealist, this thinking eventually brought me around to anger at those who don’t accept LGBT individuals, regardless of their reasoning.

Queer happens, get with the times.

As my wise friend Jacob Tobia once shared, “We’re here, we’re queer, we’re fabulous- don’t fuck with us.”

Announcement: I’m married!

I’m pleased to announce to both this blog and the world that I’m married!

It happened late one night after the emotional rollercoaster that was HP7P1. I proposed on bended knee was answered with an immediate and heartfelt “YES!” We were both so excited that we skipped the engagement altogether and were married within a few minutes.

My spouse and I love each other, as well as our new life. We don’t regret the shotgun nature of the marriage at all.

* * * * *

Before you send me a toaster, however, allow me to clarify. While the story above is 100% accurate, I should mention that the marriage is only official within the realm of cyberspace. That’s right- like so many other gay men I’m married to a straight woman on Facebook.

We did it as a joke, and because we’re really close friends. After we made it “Facebook-official,” she expressed sympathy that this was the only kind of marriage that I can legally have in North Carolina, and that idea has kind of haunted me- that the only kind of marriage I’m allowed to have is a farce, a joke between friends.

Not that I want to be married in the immediate future, of course. I guess it’s just the angsty teenager in me simmering at the fact that I can’t do something that, like, everyone else can.

Nothing like a cup of second-class citizenship in the morning, eh? Have a nice Friday!

And you thought being gay was hard?

In 1998 a woman named Rita Hester was murdered because she was transgender. Her murder kicked off a memorial project that would eventually become the Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR), which occurs November 20th of each year.

Part of the TDOR project was the creation of a website dedicated to memorializing individuals who were murdered because they identified as (or were perceived as) transgender or intersex. I recently looked through some of the profiles of the deceased, and I was horrified. From an infant forced to eat glass because it had ambiguous genitalia to an FTM individual who was found in a barrel of hydrochloric acid with electrical cords around his neck, this is the stuff of nightmares.

I'll admit it- I used to feel uncomfortable about the idea of transgendered individuals. It wasn't until recently that I understood and came to sympathize with their struggle. Not only do they enjoy fewer rights than the rest of the LGBTIQ conglomerate, but they also suffer greater prejudice. Even the LGBTIQ community occasionally plays down the "TI." Transfolk have it rough.

LGBTIQ individuals often tell heterosexuals not to take their sexuality for granted. But how often do we take our gender for granted? What if your body was a prison you felt trapped within?

18 years old and I've only ever met one (openly) transgender individual. If you're reading this post and identify as transgender, contact me. I want to become a better ally. Help me out.

LGBT and Education

A man named Clint McCance recently wrote a series of anti-gay epithets on his Facebook profile. Is this newsworthy in itself? Not really.

What is newsworthy, however, is the fact that McCance is VP of the Midland School District in Arkansas. That’s right; a man who likes “that fags can’t procreate” and “enjoy[s] the fact that they often give each other aids and die” is managing the education of children.

If you wonder why so many schools are hostile places for LGBT youth, look no further than anti-gay school officials. While a large component of anti-gay sentiment is undoubtedly student-driven, if school administrators and teachers were more sympathetic to the unique challenges facing LGBT students, it’s likely that schools would become more tolerant from the top down.

Is anything being done about this? The answer is “kind of.” Soon after taking office, President Obama named Kevin Jennings, founder of the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), director of the Office of Safe and Drug Free Schools. While this is a good start, the recent LGBT teen suicides suggest that there is much work to be done.

What can you do to help make our public schools safe, welcoming environments? If you don’t work in education, one of the most important things you can do is vote in local elections for LGBT friendly school board and superintendent candidates. I realize this post comes, like, three days late, but keep in mind for future elections that local official can sometimes have huge impacts on the lives of LGBT teens.

If you are a teacher, coming out is one of the best things you can do. Mark Kleinschmidt, the Mayor of Chapel Hill, recently spoke to Blue Devils United about his experience as an openly gay public figure. Kleinschmidt said that one of the biggest regrets of his life was not coming out to his students when he taught high school social studies. Not only do openly gay teachers have the ability to change attitudes by promoting tolerance, but they also serve as crucial role models for LGBT youth. Openly gay teachers are becoming increasingly commonplace, and some have even formed networks, like the Proud Apple Social Club in Chapel Hill.

And don’t even try to tell me that teachers, regardless of sexuality, should keep their private lives out of the classroom. If your elderly Spanish teacher can ramble endlessly about his grandchildren, there’s no reason your English teacher can’t talk about her wife.

NC Pride Wrap-Up

[Ed. Note: This year, we've decided to recap BDU and Center events with pictures and firsthand accounts. Our first-year friend Matt B. was awesome enough to write these up for us, because it's what people who are The Best do.]

As someone from outside the South, I was totally surprised that North Carolina even had a Pride parade, much less one as well-attended as yesterday’s event. The News & Observer, the Triangle’s local paper, estimated that roughly 10,000 attended or marched in the parade. It was basically Gay Christmas.

Starting in front of Duke’s East Campus and wrapping around the 9th Street district, the parade consisted of about 20 floats among 100 marching groups and almost 200 vendors. Organizations represented ranged from UNC at Chapel Hill’s GBLTSA to Raleigh’s Legends Nightclub. As usual, however, Duke’s float was the best, thanks in no small part to Justin Harris, who organized the float, and Chris Perry, who probably saved several people from dehydration with a valiant Dollar General water run.

I was lucky enough to find space on the float, and it was amazing. Several times during the parade we were warned that our dancing was compromising the structure of the float. You know you’re doing something right when you’re dancing so hard that you might break the float. From the glimpses of our reflection that I caught in the windows of 9th Street storefronts, I feel qualified to say that we looked fantastic, all rainbows and body paint and Love=Love shirts.

Sign highlights:
“All the cool Duke girls are lesbians”
“Bisexual: it’s the best of both worlds!”
“When rapture comes, all the fun people will still be here!”

Regardless of how liberal Duke may (or may not) be, Durham is still in the Bible Belt and because of that I was expecting religious organizations to have a huge presence at the parade. They did, but not at all in the way that I imagined. I was pleasantly shocked to find the religious role in the parade was less “GOD HATES FAGS” and more “(Insert-church-name-here) loves gays!” There were a few protesters, but their relatively inoffensive arguments were widely ignored. Furthermore, I’m pleased to report that as the Duke float passed their somber-faced contingent, a certain Lily Allen song just happened to come on over the speakers…

After the parade, I ran right to the shower. I did my best, but I have a feeling I’ll be finding glitter in weird places for the next week or so.

Chocolate Fountain Social Wrap-Up

[Ed. Note: This year, we've decided to recap BDU and Center events with pictures and firsthand accounts. (More pictures to come when I figure out how to embed a nice-looking photo gallery into Blogger.) Our first-year friend Matt was awesome enough to write this up for us, because it's what people who are The Best do. Thanks, Matt!]

Drawn by the promise of new friends and, let’s be honest, chocolate, Duke’s LGBT and ally community converged yesterday on Trinity Café, a cozy venue adjacent to the Marketplace on Duke’s East Campus. A few minutes into the social, Ollie Wilson, fearless leader of the gays, stood on a chair and addressed the gathering. He recapped a few of last year’s events, notably the Day of Silence activism campaign, and outlined the events BDU has planned for the coming year (which sound amazing, by the way). The mingling then reconvened. I met so many friendly people at the social today- it’s a shame I’m terrible with names.

I totally loved seeing all of the other first-years at the social today, even if most of them had smudges of chocolate on their faces. It’s awesome to know that I’m not in this alone. I can’t get over how welcoming Duke’s LGBT community has been. It’s hard to think that just a few weeks ago I was packing for college and obsessing over how hard it was going to be to enter college as an openly gay student. I figured that if regular students typically had a tough time adjusting, it would be even harder for someone, you know, like me. I feel like things are working just the opposite- two weeks in and I already have a supportive, friendly and undeniably fierce group of friends, thanks to the Center. If today’s event was any indication, the next four years are going to be amazing!

Towards the end of the social, I picked up a giant rainbow flag. It’s now hanging from my third story window. I wonder if my roommate has noticed yet…