Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)
I'll add commentary later, but let's just get these up right now because wow.
In the same vein as the post posted 11/22 about the "ninja" gay men, I sometime feel out of place at the center because of identifying as bisexual. Many of my new (mostly gay male) friends (I'm a freshman) assumed I was a straight ally. And I guess I just don't know how to tell people I'm bi, especially at a LGBT event. I mean, I thought that just by going it would be obvious. But, apparently not.
I sometimes feel overwhelmed by the gay men and straight women at Fab Friday. Not to say that I don't enjoy their company, I just feel like a silent minority.
I'd really like to see some more activities geared towards bi (and transgender? might be leaving those students as well) students at the center. I feel like all the discussion groups are for completely gay/lesbian students. But, being bi offers its own challenges and hurdles that are unique from being gay or straight. For instance, I often feel like responding both to anti-straight ppl and anti-gay ppl remarks. Anyways, thats just what I've been thinking about lately.
I think this is so moving and everyone, regardless of how they identify, should see it. I've been feeling pretty down as of late, and these stories make me hopeful. (link)
I'm home for Thanksgiving and something's really bugging me. A few very select people know that I'm 'questioning.' But I mostly present myself as straight, though I often play the ambiguous card.
At several of our past family gatherings, I almost feel like my sexuality has been under a microscope. My family thinks I'm a "straight ally" and know that LGBTQA stuff is all so important to me (in my own life I don't qualify 'ally' with 'straight,' but I do here because that's what they [at least used to think] think I am--straight and an ally). So, if I thought rationally about it all, I'd probably conclude that they were just following in my footsteps by using gender neutral terms to refer to my future significant other and that they are probably trying to convey to me that "it's okay" if I'm gay. AND I KNOW, for so many people on this blog and in the LGBTQ community, it'd be a DREAM to have a family so accepting and inclusive and whatever. MY GRANDFATHER once asked me if there was a "boy or a special girl friend" or something like that in my life…the significance of that is not lost on me, nor is the intention. Other times, though, it's more aggressive--like when I was challenged at dinner: "why do you only care about lesbian women's issues and not about other women's issues?" (a total fallacy, by the way...I'm sort of just a hardcore feminist, period). It's become very apparent to me that my lack of dating (or rather my "lack of getting fucked" as one member of my family so eloquently stated tonight) combined with my involvement with BDU/the center, etc, leads my family to think I'm gay. This bugs me. I DON'T think being thought of as being gay is a bad thing, so that's not it. People assume I'm gay all the time, actually, and it’s really fine by me. Like, whatever. But, something about this is different. Something about my lack of "getting fucked" being the talk of the town and leading to family speculation on this and that and that they're leaning towards that I'm gay...I just don't appreciate it. And I don’t appreciate it coming up SEVERAL TIMES A DAY. "You don't need to have a family conference about my sexuality!!!" I don't want to talk about my sexuality with my family. I don't even want to talk about it with my best friend(s). I don’t want to do either of these things until *I* know what's going on for me in my own life.
Last summer I read this blog as an incoming freshman. I was so excited to finally be away from my rents and free to date girls. But I got scared as soon as I set foot on campus. So much homophobia. I want to talk to someone, but I'm just too scared/shamed. I don't even know why, though. Lately I've been trying to make myself straight just so life will be easier, but unfortunately easier doesn't equal happier in this case.
In the past week there has been a lot of comments about religious intolerance.
I’m gay. I’m religious. And hold these two possibly conflicting identities simultaneously. I’m blessed—the few people I’ve come out to have been wonderful, independent of their religious identity. It breaks my heart when I hear stories like Edwin’s or Eric’s [Grace and peace, my brothers. No one should have to deal with that]. I personally find no way to reconcile that behavior with the Christianity I’ve learned about since I was young. But then again, perhaps I’m biased.
But even being biased, I have to admit the religious case against us isn’t 100% bigotry, as much as I would like to indulge myself in the thought. In many cases, it’s much more complicated than that.
We ask Christians to respect our identity. But what about theirs? I’m not talking about not expecting love from your parents, or civil treatment for everyone. That’s common human decency. I’m talking about me expecting someone to change her world-view because of me. When we ask someone who is strongly Christian to redefine their views on homosexuality, do we realize how much we ask them to redefine about themselves? If they believe Biblical literalism, that is often the bedrock of who they are. Take that away, and they are lost.
We are angered by Christians who ask us to turn our back on who we are. Yet, what about when we ask them the exact same thing? How long did it take us to accept our own identity? And, now, we come out and expect them to fundamentally change upon interaction with us?
Sure, this portion of their identity may be misfounded. They believe that the LGBTQ portion of ours is, too. Having studied their reasoning, I find it uncompelling, not in keeping with the overall message of the Bible, and certainly not in keeping with the Christian teachings on love. But, as unpopular as it is to say, the Christian hierarchies in Rome, Istanbul, Moscow, etc are not “out to get us.” Someone from the Center who has been a confidant along this entire process for me has sometimes felt the need to use “tough love” to get me to take steps I don’t necessarily want to do. But what (s)he feels when telling me that is what the pastor feels when telling a member of his or her congregation the relevant Christian teachings. I pray they see this is not the love we need, but indignant cries to battle and ostentatious displays are no more effective or merited than the corresponding actions by Christians (This Onion article satirically sums it up nicely).
I started this post by saying I was gay, and that I was religious. Certainly, many who read this post will disagree with what I have written. But I ask, how much worse would readers have reacted if I had merely started with the statement that I am religious?
It is only in giving respect that we’ll be deserving of getting it in return.
For everybody who identifies as bi--Do you identify with this label because you realized that you had crushes on/were attracted to both men and women? Or was it an intellectual recognition that a person's gender doesn't matter and that you'll fall in love with whoever you fall in love with? I ask because I frequently think about identifying as bi, but I don't know what it means to other people who identify so I don't know if it explains what I'm feeling/thinking...