Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)
So Jess, the new Program Coordinator at the Center started today. She quickly leaned the only-hug greeting policy. Can't wait to work with her because let me tell you - she is fierce as hell.
Remember when I said that a lot of the plans that came out of the Triangle Retreat involved the word "flash"? This is what I meant. See/make out with you there!
"WOMYN" (?) is holding elections for the next issue on Wednesday (more details here).
Um. So I still need lots of people to help put up flags around campus. HALP PLZ? (details here)
Not much else to share, besides Naked smoothies are absolutely, without a doubt, the most gross things I've ever had. Who drinks this stuff?
Anonymous posts, yo.
The COMPLETELY AWESOME first edition of Womyn contained an anonymous entry on p. 30 that broke my heart-- I'm travelling in the opposite direction, but I know that mirror. And I wish I had a way to get in touch with other trans students on campus because it's got to be easier together. So, because I'm really quite impatient, I'm just going to say right now: if you (or any other trans/ gender-questioning students) ever want to talk, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org -- I'd love to get to know you!
I've been debating for a long time whether I should send this in, and I'm sending it in anonymously, for fear of backlash from the male community.
This community is sexist towards women. There. I said it.
I hate to say it. Because I love so many of you. But as a woman in this community I feel the sexism, and I feel patronized almost everyday.
I know this isn't just a Duke problem (just look around you, sexism is everywhere). But the reason it kills me that we have sexism in our LGBT community here is because, as gay men, YOU SHOULD GET IT. But you don’t! You don’t get it at all! Don’t get me wrong-there are some of you who I feel do understand what sexism looks like (yes, it exists, even within our own community). But those who “don’t get it” far outnumber those who do.
Even those men who pretend or feel that *they* could never possibly be sexist, well, you are. It seems the pervasive attitude of men here is that, "well, I'm gay, so I'm so progressive/liberal/enlightened that *I* could never be sexist...", ACTUALLY, you're the most sexist and patronizing of them all, because you’ve stopped acknowledging the fact that some of your actions could be sexist.
What can you do? It’s actually really simple, which is good news for you, because that means you can start doing these things right away: Include us. Include women. If you’re leadership of something is all male-that’s a problem. Now go change it. Talk about women’s issues even when we’re not there-because if you don’t start creating a better environment even when we’re not there, what makes you think we trust that you’ll start making a better atmosphere once we do show up? Don’t ignore out opinions or write us off in conversations when we talk. Listen to us.
Why should you care about us? Because we’ve been there as your allies for YEARS. We do so much for this community-so much for you. Don’t you know what it’s like to feel excluded or overlooked as a gay man? I know you know what its like to experience bigotry. You may not have experienced sexism, but take it from us: it sucks. As queer women, we get discriminated against twice or three times more than you: strike one, as a LGBTQ person. Strike two, as a woman. (And for some us, strike three, as a woman of color). And it especially sucks when it comes from “family” or “The Community”.
Stop patronizing us. We are strong. We don’t need that from you. And we don’t want your pity either. We just need to be equal. And you should be grateful that you’re being forced to learn this lesson NOW, because when you go out into the larger world, women won’t stand for this kind of sexism. We’ll just write you off as a lost cause.
Does reading this, as a gay man, make you upset? Do you feel uncomfortable? Are you angry that I’m writing this about the community? Well, you should feel uncomfortable. You should feel angry. Our anger is our internal reaction to a situation that is *intolerable*. This situation IS intolerable. And it is unpleasant and uncomfortable to admit that as a community we have a problem, but this might be a time to start leaning into discomfort. Keep in mind that many women who visit our community may not have a choice on whether to think about these issues- they feel this unpleasant discomfort of sexism everyday.
To the men who “get it”: thank you, thank you.
I absolutely love, love, love, LOVE this Blog!
So is the Red Cross serious about gays not giving blood or can I just do it anyway? I'm HIV negative and otherwise well-suited to donate. I know the ban should be reversed, but people still need blood in the meantime.
As long as I don't trip the nurse's gaydar I'm fine to donate, right?
It's infinitely more saddening at this point to know that even suicide isn't an escape. Rather, just another gay teen suicide, the significance diluted.
To whoever posted that "signs of heterosexual privilege" flier outside the Allen building: LOVE. IT. Love it! I hope somebody saw it and learned to be just a tiny bit more empathetic.
There are no words that can truly express how much this blog means to me. Thank you for all that you do.