November 16, 2010

Boys Like Girls...and So Do I

So I almost started regretting that fact that I committed to writing on the blog. As I brainstormed ideas—instead of doing work—I came up with nothing. Nothing interesting had occurred in my life and therefore I had nothing to rant about. FYI: ranting and speaking quickly are kind of my thing. Then a brilliant friend of mine had this amazingggg idea. She said, and I quote, “Why don’t you write about something you like. Not like rainbows and butterflies but something that legit makes you happy instead of ranting”. Great idea, right?

Le sigh. Well what do I like? Once again I turned to my brilliant…and beautiful female friend. Then I remembered that I RSVP’d for my first Women Loving Women discussion. Bingo. Blog topic on deck: I love women and you should know why.

[Disclaimer: Males are great too. They are smart, beautiful/handsome, multidimensional, and earnest individuals as well. *Whew* Generalizations out of the way!]

Women are pretty fabulous. All my relationships with women, regardless of how they ended, had wonderfully sincere, in-depth intimacy and conversation. We could comfortably share our thoughts, experiences, bodies, and hair ties. Of course there were barriers and issues as with any relationship, but in comparison to my relationships with males my relationships with females just flowed better. Women are so layered that as I got to know my females partners better I was able to expose more of myself than ever before. In her eyes I find permission to love myself.

For some shallow reasons, please read below (or don’t).

1. Everything about a woman is gorgeous. Need I say more?
2. When we wash our hair, it smells really good.
3. Our attire is so versatile. We can work sweats or heels and turn heads regardless.
4. Ever heard Bruno Mars “Just the Way You Are”? Yeahhh, all of that.
5. Best.Sex.Ever. (Yes, I said it. Deal with it. Chalk it up to personal preference.)

In conclusion, I cannot wait for my first Women Loving Women discussion. More intimate conversation to look forward to :)

Shout out to my gorgeous female friend who gave me my prompt and my roomie who is one of my greatest allies (and proofreader).


  1. Oh my goshhhhhh! I love this! Go LGBTQ female women. =)

  2. We could comfortably share our thoughts, experiences, bodies, and hair ties.

    ^^LOVE this.

    Also, you're awesome. Why haven't we met? I'm Swati, I'm going to be at Fab Friday this week and I want to be your friend because 1. You're awesome and 2. I need more LGBTQ female friends haha [yeah I totally have a quota...jk]

  3. I really like this: "In her eyes I find permission to love myself."

    and this: "We could comfortably share our thoughts, experiences, bodies, and hair ties."

    Even though it's true, the hair ties part is just really funny. As in, I chuckled to myself while reading.

    I just really like your whole post. Thanks for being honest and not being afraid to write about things that often aren't topics on the blog (sex).

  4. Xan, I've never been in a romantic relationship with another woman and I don't identify as LGB, but everything you wrote "makes sense" to me. Being with another woman--the intimacy and security--seems like it'd be an incredibly powerful experience in a lot of ways. Know that your writing this helps me to make sense of things I've been thinking about.

  5. I am a straight Duke female, checking out this blog after googling "Got Privilege Duke" since those signs have caught my attention. Regardless of how I feel about that campaign, I thought this post by Xan was eye-opening and insightful. I have been guilty in the past of seeing gay relationships (especially between men) as something different from straight relationships. Like there is something more sexual (physically), or just... an element missing that isn't there, which you have in the complementary relationship between a male and a female human. Xan's experience was very relatable, and it made me think that we are experiencing a lot of the same feelings.

    With my boyfriend, I have those deep conversations, sharing of thoughts, and am comfortably exposing more of myself to him than anyone else. Isn't having permission to love yourself the best feeling in the world? I am glad you have found that happiness in dating women.

    Perhaps these things aren't so different after all. Something to think about. Thanks for sharing, Xan!

  6. Aww! I'm reading all these comments late (clearly).I'm really happy that y'all have found "something" in what I've written. Whether that something is laughter, agreement, or understanding I really don't care. I really didn't like this piece because I wasn't sure if there was any value in it for others or if people would be able to take anything away from it. I see I was wrong. <3

    To the last two posts in particular, y'all warmed my heart. I recently was talking to a friend who identifies as lesbian and she was telling me about her relationship. For every issue (good or bad) that she shared I could relate it to my last relationship with a male. Our experiences were basically the same. I remember wishing that other people could see that. My love for him was just as strong as her love for her girlfriend.

    @swati...I'm going to stop by fab friday this week just for you but it will be early so like 4-5!