January 9, 2012

Anonymous Posts (1.3.12-1.9.12)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Well, all good things must come to an end. I'm mourning winter break being over, but our SIX anonymous posts will get me through! Seriously, folks, you ROCK. Hard.

Our writers rock pretty hard, too, serving up new content EVERY DAY THIS PAST WEEK. Kate wrote about what makes Duke Divinity School so special, her undergraduate experience, and the role her gay identity plays in her life; Dan struggles with his identity, even after coming out as gay, Throwback Thursdays remind us that winter break anxiety has happened to the best of us since eternity, Julian tackled LGBT ephemisms, Cameron K. writes about being introverted, and Cameron T. writes about being happily single (for now).

I fly back to Duke today for my final semester of college, and, well, I just don't feel ready to leave this place I call home. But I do look forward to the fact that the next time I'm home, I'll (hopefully) be a college graduate (WHAT?!).

On that note, SENIORS...get to your keyboard and let us know what Duke, this Community, your LGBTQA identity, etc, has meant to you. Email your SENIOR POSTS (anonymous or signed) to bluedevilsunited@gmail.com!

It might be my last semester, but it's going to be a spectacularly awesome one. For one thing, the LGBT Center just announced that Hudson Taylor of Athlete Ally will be visiting campus! What, what!?

It's not all fun and games, though. We've also got an amendment to fight, folks. And a movie to make! Freewater Production, Blue Devils United, Duke Together Against Constitutional Discrimination, The Center for LGBT Life, and Duke ACLU are teaming up to create a video that is in the spirit of the “It Gets Better” project. The message we are sending, though, is not that it automatically gets better—but that we have to MAKE it better. This is especially relevant, given that North Carolina currently faces a constitutional amendment that would define marriage as between one man and one woman (mind you, a state law already says this) and strip couples of all domestic partnership benefits. If you are interested in being in the video (everyone—gay, straight, bi, trans, questioning, etc is invited), fill out this survey and see here for more information.

Now, notes from OC!

Cheesy name, but it's another way to support equality. Bonus: my dad sent this to me!

I really like a guy, but I feel like we're already in the 'friend' category and I don't know what to do about it. It's confounded by the fact that we're on a club sport team together and admitting my feelings toward him would just make the entire activity awkward for me if he's not interested. Advice?

I'm a virgin. I feel like a pariah because of it. I have waited so long to ensure that my first time isn't meaningless, but because of the fact that no one seems interested in more than casual sex, I don't know if it's worth waiting anymore. What's the point? Is there one?

A bit of homonationalism on the eve of the 2012 elections. Enjoy: Zoe Leonard (1992): "I want a dyke for president. I want a person with aids for president and I want a fag for vice president and I want someone with no health insurance and I want someone who grew up in a place where the earth is so saturated with toxic waste that they didn't have a choice about getting leukemia. I want a president that had an abortion at sixteen and I want a candidate who isn't the lesser of two evils and I want a president who lost their last lover to aids, who still sees that in their eyes every time they lay down to rest, who held their lover in their arms and knew they were dying. I want a president with no airconditioning, a president who has stood on line at the clinic, at the dmv, at the welfare office and has been unemployed and layed off and sexually harassed and gaybashed and deported. I want someone who has spent the night in the tombs and had a cross burned on their lawn and survived rape. I want someone who has been in love and been hurt, who respects sex, who has made mistakes and learned from them. I want a Black woman for president. I want someone with bad teeth and an attitude, someone who has eaten that nasty hospital food, someone who crossdresses and has done drugs and been in therapy. I want someone who has committed civil disobedience. And I want to know why this isn't possible. I want to know why we started learning somewhere down the line that a president is always a clown: always a john and never a hooker. Always a boss and never a worker, always a liar, always a thief and never caught."

Sort of an awkward question, but I was wondering what people recommended to help me curb my masturbation. I'm a guy, and I do it basically every day. It bothers me afterwards, especially because I invest so much time looking into porn when I should be doing far far more important things. I just feel...bad afterwards. Since I'm bi or curious or something porn and jacking off has always been a big part of my life. But I had hoped I would mature and stop being such a horny teenager when it came to jacking off every damn day. But it hasn't happened, and I honestly feel it has gotten to the point where I structure my day around masturbation. It sickens me, honestly. Any suggestions? I know it's an awkward question, but I really do appreciate advice other ppl have who maybe went through the same thing.

It seems like a lot of people in the lgbt communnity have less respect for those of us who don't come out to everyone, especially our family. This doesn't really seem fair to me because many of us can't come out, yanno? For example my parents just stopped watchin How I Met Your Mother just because they found out the guy who plays Barney is gay, not on the show but in real life. People who feel that stongly about homosexuality can't be expected to do a complete 180 just because their daughter comes out. On top of that, the one time I did try to come out to my dad he said "my daughter will NOT be a lesbian" and BAM end of convo. Just throwing this out there so people will be a bit more uunderstanding of why us unlucky few are still closeted at home. It sucks knowing that my situation could be a relationship deal breaker for some girls but just know its not because I'm ashamed, its because I can't.

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).


  1. #2 - It's alllll about finding a neutral third party to liaison.

  2. I'll post anonymously and tackle #5.

    My peers/friends/family would totally expect this response from me, as I am so sex-positive (read: consensual, free from societal condemnation and fun). I would first recommend deciding if your masturbation has affected your relationships, productivity, etc. I know several men who masturbate once or twice a day and lead VERY productive lives. I also know men who have crossed some invisible line where the masturbation/porn has become detrimental to their lives. This is something to be resolved internally. I would recommend CAPS or some sex-positive counselor to help you talk it through. I'm sure your post resonates with many men and they are all eager to find out if people will judge them. Finally, read a little Dan Savage.

    #6 I don't know your family. I just know I wasn't allowed to watch any shows with the BIG G and, when I came out, there was a lot of "your son" and excitement when I took a girl to prom. Now, totally cool! Like overly cool! We all have our journey and there can be hope. You'll find the right time/best way to work through.

  3. 10:28:
    I definitely understand what you're trying to get at about families that appear to be insensitive to the idea of having an LGBTQ child. I'm very happy for you that your family eventually came around and has become so supportive of you.

    With that said, that's unfortunately not the way the world works for everyone, and I don't think that anyone can say that everyone is able to "find the right time/best way to work through" their issues with their families. Unfortunately, some families, even in our increasingly progressive society, still would rather disown a child than "suffer" with an LGBTQ one. Realize that some fears of coming out are fully rational and can exist even in the most secure individuals.

    #6: I hope that one day your family does end up coming around for you so that you can have a more open and supportive relationship with them. But in the meantime, I hope you find other women who are respectful of your situation.

  4. #5 - i want to echo some of what anonymous above says. first, consider thinking about whether or not masturbation has impacted your life negatively. know that it is possible to masturbate just as much as you and not feel bad about it. you would know best, but perhaps the feeling bad is related to your thoughts about your sexuality and not the act of masturbation itself. read some sex positive books, blogs, articles. check out some dan savage if you want an often fun place to start. i hope you find a place where you can enjoy your sexuality regardless of whether or not masturbation is part of it or not.