[Editor's Note: Hey Readers! Welcome to the third installation of "Throwback Thursdays." Every first Thursday of the month we'll feature a post from the BDU Blog, Version 1.0. Sorry for missing December...it happened to be World Aids Day and we decided to go with that, instead. But we're back now, with another reflection on going/being home. Lest we think that we're the first ones to ever experience the anxiety of switching locations, going from out of the closet to in the closet, or coming out now that we're back home, this post demonstrates to us that people have experienced this for eternity. Or, at least, since 2008 (and likely before). If you're in a difficult place over break and need support, please don't hesitate to reach out to the resources listed on Anonymous Posts.]
December 19, 2008
Coming home for winter break isn't what I thought it'd be.
I’ve been at home for a couple of days now since the semester is over. Finals week was surprisingly fun and eventful – it’s interesting how the simultaneous procrastination of college students whose rooms are near each other’s turns them into friends. Someone should write a paper on that.
So back to home. It’s weird being back with family and in the town where I grew up after being out out at Duke for a semester. First, I can tell you that it’s really boring here because none of my high school friends are back yet - Northeastern schools get out after Duke. But it’s also boring because none of my Duke friends are across the hall, a phone call away from meeting me at the Great Hall, or lounging at the Center. I don’t have anyone to talk to here, and it’s more than boring; it’s slightly depressing.
All the conversations that I would usually have at Duke are no-go’s over here. I haven’t – or maybe won’t is the more honest word – come out to my family yet, and like I said before, my friends aren’t physically here. I can’t talk about that person that I saw at the bus stop or at the library, about what someone said or did, or about how my life is ruined because of what someone said or did. (That last one was for you, someone)
In addition to that, I feel cut off from the new friends, specifically the LGBT ones, that I made this semester. We became friends surprisingly fast despite my tendency to embarrassingly choke on water and my fear of talking in large groups. That just goes to show how easily people with similar experiences and backgrounds can bond. I miss the quirky mannerisms that only come out when we’re together, incompatible food preferences, and somewhat constant nonchalant discussion of the subjects the FCC and Duke administration would not approve of.
So what I guess I’m really trying to say in overly high-flown rhetoric and Family Guy-style references is that I really appreciated being at Duke this semester; it was both socially and personally liberating. I’ve never experienced that before and – I know this will sound cheesy but if you know me, you’ll know that I’m a cheesy kind of guy - I’ve only realized what I had at Duke and how good it was after it’s gone (or while I’m on winter break).