First up on the agenda is to let you all know something that’s going to be happening next semester, Blue Devils United will be running a Bisexual/Questioning/Queer visibility campaign similar to the Transgender Awareness campaign which is just about ready to kick off, if it hasn’t already. (I’m not super aware of the world right now, with finals and all.) Essentially the point of this campaign is to shed some light on the “B” and “Q’s” of the full LBGTQQIAA acronym (let me know if I missed any). Essentially, our goal is to simply clarify some common misconceptions and get people talking about the rarely discussed issues tied to these identities. If you’re interested in working on this, shoot me an email or send one to Risa. We’d be glad to hear from any and all who are interested in helping in any way.
So, now to the meat of this post. This semester has been a pretty long and hard adjustment period for me, but I finally feel as though I’m starting to get the hang of things here. I feel like I’m doing better academically, and I’m beginning to feel a little more comfortable with the social life here. What concerns me most, now that the semester is nearly at its end, is going home. I feel that in my adjustment to life here, I’ve also adjusted to my queer identity as well. While when I first came out I felt uncomfortable with my bisexual identity, I now feel as though I’ve grown into it. I guess this is what it feels like to be unapologetically out of the closet.
This has been a wonderful experience for me, and I love how I’ve grown as a person thanks to this new openness, but it also a cause for some worry. As I prepare to journey back home to my family, I have to wonder if they’ll accept this “new” me. Will it bother them at all that I’m not how I remember them? Will I seem “too queer”? These are not things I would normally worry about, but it’s a little different with my family. I mean, I do have to live with them. Based on recent experiences though, I can say that my immediate family will probably not reject me based on my growth as a person.
My true worry comes from my grandparents, who I can say are decidedly homophobic. Some of the things that my grandfather has said have made me very nervous about the possibility of ever being out to him. (Example: Man, I love the actors with the Cortland Repertory Theater, too bad all the men are queers.) I worry about them because my family celebrates Christmas with them, and I can only imagine the debacle that Christmas would become if they started to pick up on my sexuality. They’re not idiots, and I can only dodge so many questions about my extra-curricular involvements before they start to get suspicious.
That said, I am not ashamed of who I am. I remember what that’s like, and I refuse to let the prejudices dictate my actions. If they figure it out, good for them. I won’t apologize for the way I love.
That’s it from me everyone, have a good finals week and I’ll see all of you on the other side.