A Room With A View

I figured I would take a moment to talk about working with The Center for LGBT Life Consulting Group.  This group was tasked with looking at the impact of and opportunities arising from relocating the LGBT Center; a move resulting from the construction and eventual re-purposing of its current home in the West Union. For more information on the renovations, check out the "West Union Precinct Renovation" page - it is a massive project with quite a few moving parts and a vision that greatly increases the usability of current spaces while building new ones. I am definitely excited to see the Pavilion and witness its evolution from hole-in-the ground, to dining facility, to flexible programmable student space.

What I am most looking forward to seeing, however, is the new Center for LGBT Life. First, because I've had a better chance to learn what the current Center does and how well, or poorly, it is configured to provide for the Duke community. And second, because the new Center design reflects well the needs and the hopes of many of the people our consulting group contacted to put together a brief for the Vice President for Student Affairs, the Assistant Vice President for Student Affairs, and their team. When I last wrote...well, I guess when I last wrote I was imploring people to help rob Borja to pay The Trevor Project  - and you can still help!

But the time before that, I was talking about space. Specifically, about the difference between the proposed space for the Center and what several of us on the task force felt was needed. Not long after, the BDU presented a refined set of changes which, if made, would bring the design to or very close to a place where it would satisfy the primary requirements of the different constituents we identified as a committee. And not long after that, Dr. Moneta presented a new design which had completely or very nearly satisfied all those requirements.  The BDU executive board took the new proposal to the membership and, with certain expectations about allowing the LGBT Center staff to work with the architect to make the floor plan as useful as possible, endorsed the plan.

The system worked.  At a place like Duke, there will always be more ideas than resources to make them into a reality; there will be more areas of study than we can possibly pursue; and there will always be more demands for space than we can satisfy.  The question is how to appropriately confer resources - space, funding, staffing, etc - to the many different functions of the university.  And given the complexity of the question, there will just about never be an easy answer.  Would I have been happier with more space?  Sure - but I also recognize the dominoes that begin to fall with each square foot that is moved from one place to another.  Would the Center be able to do with less?  Sure - but at the high cost of lost opportunity for Duke to be a national and international leader in LGBT affairs and lost opportunity to support a growing number of our students through their journey.

Given that, where I think I fall is "temporary contentment."  I see this as a very positive move for the Center and for its missions, and I believe it represents a strong commitment by the university in terms of placing the Center in a highly visible location; the latter, while also taking steps to ensure that people who want more privacy getting to the Center or speaking with staff have a more discreet way of arriving.  Once the Program Coordinator position is filled - and assuming the Assistant Director position is approved and filled - the Center as a whole will be at a pretty good place in terms of fulfilling current obligations and services.  And the Bryan Center - with several gender-neutral restrooms added - will be a more welcoming home for all our students, staff, and guests.

The whole reason I use the word "temporary," then, is that - having seen the incredible growth of the Center's programming and active constituency, I know that with the greater resources afforded by the new Center's layout and location that Dr. Long and the Center's staff and volunteers will be able to begin developing programming and delivering services that, at present, can't even get off the ground due to logistical or temporal constraints.  As those evolve, it will be up to us as a community to keep working with the university to make sure it allocates resources accordingly.

It was a real privilege to serve on the Consulting Group - to meet students, faculty, and staff from across the university I otherwise would never have known - and to work with them on something we all find so very important.  It is also a continuing joy to work at a university that makes hard choices that support its students, especially those who may not feel as supported elsewhere.  Meanwhile, until construction begins, my temporary contentment and I can sometimes be found with a take-out box from Panda or a hot dog from JB's, sitting on the Bryan Center side porch, looking out into the garden and up at the Chapel, and enjoying the fact that soon - very soon - the Center for LGBT Life will have a room with that view...

Prejudice and Pride

Sometimes people mistakenly think I’m gay.

This isn’t particularly a big issue, except it can cause certain awkward situations. For example, last year I met a girl at a party on campus and ended up fancying her. I thought that we hit it off pretty well, so I asked to see her again. We got dinner together at Sushi Love where we had a pleasant chat all night, and we began to see each other more and more. One late night we ended up studying together, just the two of us, and the topic of conversation shifted to very personal issues. She told me some story about a guy she once dated and when I first began talking about an ex-girlfriend she suddenly got quiet and averted her look from me. I asked what was wrong and had to pry an answer out of her. “Well,” she started, “when we first met I wasn’t sure whether you were flirting with me or if you were gay. And since then I’ve just been assuming that you’re gay.”

The precise reasons for these assumptions remain elusive to me. Maybe it’s because pink is one of my favorite colors, or because I’ve been known to sport pins both from the Women’s Center and the LGBT Center on my backpack, or because I’m a “big friendly giant” (in the words of my friend C) who enjoys hugs and other forms of physical contact with friends. Whatever the reasons are, similar occurrences have been happening to me over the past few years, both with my friends and my family.

I have to admit that my knee jerk reaction to these situations was once to feel ashamed, as if I were betraying my identity. So the response was to “tone it down.” Think twice about wearing that pink shirt. Don’t tell your male friend that you love him. In one case I even refused a rainbow flag being offered by a bisexual friend of mine, and probably ended up hurting his feelings.

Perhaps this is a common reaction among straight men. Despite the growing inclusion of LGBT members in our culture, there is still some irrational stigma of emasculation and weakness that is especially associated with homosexual men. Then perhaps it is not surprising (though still not excusable, either) when a straight man becomes insulted when accused of being gay.

It seems that we as a culture have grown comfortable with the notion that gay people should act in a certain way. One does not have to look very far to see this. Consider, for example, how gays are portrayed in film and television. Programs such as Modern Family and Glee feature stock homosexual characters whose demeanors and attributes reflect what we expect to see in gay people. Even when such programs have good intentions they just reinforce the prejudices that we share. This is simply one of the numerous ways in which these standards are engraved into our brains.

The result of this culture is for both straight and gay men to act within the standard social guidelines that have been outlined for them. When one is seen behaving outside of these lines, they are treated as a foreigner. The reaction to such people can be confusion or even hostility. So then this causes a feedback loop of individuals hiding their true selves and adhering to the social standards set out for their sexuality. The end result is a mountain of false pride that stands between the people we are and the people we want others to see us as.

As for me, I now don’t feel insulted in any way when I am misinterpreted as being gay. I’ve come to realize that to take offense with this is to submit to ignorance and uphold the myth that homosexuality is a sign of weakness. Besides, I have grown comfortable enough with myself that I don’t mind being seen as something other than a brazenly macho heterosexual man. This Saturday I’ll be at the Pride Parade and I won’t think twice about what others may interpret my sexuality to be. Instead, I’ll just be honored to stand with the LGBT community and in support of their rights.

A Letter from the LGBT Alumni Association

Normally we would have anonymous posts for y'all on Mondays, but this week we didn't get any. Instead we're publishing a letter from the LGBT Alumni Network that they sent to Larry Moneta on Saturday. Here it is:



Dear Larry:

We write to express our concern about recent developments related to the relocation process for the Center for LGBT Life.

As you know, some of the LGBT Network’s members were involved in the working group assembled by Janie Long earlier this year. Those participants, as well as our board members and other alumni have followed the developments of the process closely.

Recently we received a letter from the leadership of Blue Devils United outlining a gap in what was promised for the new LGBT Center space earlier in the process versus what is being delivered at this point. Their analysis, along with analysis posted on the BDU blog, was based on the architect’s drawings.

Our board members have first-hand experience attending some of the magnificent events held at the Center. We agree with the BDU assessment that the current programming space is insufficient for the foot traffic the Center attracts for such events, and we are discouraged by what appears to be the decision to sacrifice other LGBT Center staff-designated space to inflate the square footage of programming space in the new design.

We have corresponded with the leadership of BDU, and we believe this analysis is not only accurate, but shows a disturbing disregard for the needs of the LGBT community at Duke. Having had several Network members involved in the advisory process for this relocation, we are also concerned that alumni volunteer time and enthusiasm dedicated to a project your office designed is not being taken seriously. In addition, we are concerned at the lack of transparency with which this process has been carried out.

As active alumni volunteers, we take great pride in Duke, and we take the time and effort we dedicate to the University seriously. As members of Duke’s extended LGBT community, we watch closely when the campus community is affected by the administration’s decisions. And as a body that believes in conducting negotiations and consultations transparently, we are concerned when it appears that important voices were sidelined in the process.

We understand the Student Affairs office is charged with difficult decisions and negotiations every day. However in this case, the evidence we have seen suggests the LGBT Center relocation process was not carried out as promised – neither in protocol nor product. We encourage your office to take seriously the concerns of the Blue Devils United group, meet with their leadership, allow their input into the process before it is finalized, and adjust the current plans for the new space to reflect the promises made earlier in the process.

We look forward to hearing from you about your plans moving forward.

Respectfully,
The Duke LGBT Network Board

Kyle Knight, President
Tom Clark, Chair
Jules Torti
Butch Trusty
Maneesh Goyal
Christopher Ventry
Darren Spedale
Todd Sears
Harry Harkins
Todd Montgomery
Ariel Levin

Anonymous Posts (12.5.11-12.12.11)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks, hate speech, or express or insinuate that one is at risk for hurting themselves or someone else. Please read this for an explanation of this policy and seek help if your or a friend find yourself in that position. With those exceptions aside, please feel free to submit your thoughts and questions. :)

Hey y'all,

Last week was busy, but somehow I feel like this week will manage to be even busier for most people. When you feel like procrastinating, though, be sure to fill out the Center's survey! Your voice will help to shape LGBTQA life on campus for many years to come by directly affecting how the new Center gets formed.

If you haven't read it yet, check out Jenn's reflection on coming out to her parents.

I hope that everybody has a wonderful winter break, but here at the Blue Devils United Blog we know that that isn't always the case. There can be a lot of anxieties about going home, which may mean going back in the closet or coming out to family and friends or any number of things. Please reach out to the resources at the bottom if you find yourself in a position where you need support.

We're a community and we're here to support each other, so keep checking the blog for new content and be sure to keep up with each other, as well.

Now, notes from OC!

#1
How many people come to WLW? I want to go but I'm afraid I'll be the awkward new comer joining a group of 5 really close friends or something.

#2
Any advice for someone who keeps falling for straight women?

#3
I'm scared to go to the center cuz I've never hung out with other queer women before...what if I don't fit in?

Please remember that there are a number of resources available on campus and in the local community. These resources are available over breaks and throughout the school year. If you or a friend are experiencing thoughts or urges to harm yourself or somebody else, please reach out to the following resources: In an emergency, please don't hesitate to call CAPS at any time, including "after hours" at (919) 966-3820. Ask to speak to the advice nurse and tell them you are a Duke student. You may also call the Trevor Project, a national hotline specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning youth (college students included). Their number is 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

Southern Hospitality

[Editor's note: Here at the BDU Blog we feel fortunate that Our Community (OC, anyone?) grows each year...mostly because it means we get new blog writers :-P just kidding! just kidding! Really, though, please welcome Kyle and stay tuned for more new faces in the next week. We're glad to have you!]

As a first year student here at Duke, one is always faced with some complicated choices. The first couple of weeks on campus are filled with a sort of identity crisis, where everybody struggles to create the beginnings of what person they want to be (or be known as) at Duke. As I’m sure many LGBTQ people would be able to relate to, I had another dimension to this decision. As a bisexual male, I had many options available to me, and I was unsure about which would be the best to take. Do I take my father’s advice and closet myself? Do I not go out of my way to act straight, but avoid affiliation with the LGBTQ community? Do I come out?

During Orientation Week, I decided to go to a few of the LGBTQ events that were being held for freshmen. These were nice, and I met cool people, but I’m substantially awkward in the initial phase of meeting people, so I didn’t really connect with the place. Then on the first Thursday of classes a friend and I decided to see how hard it would be to pull that most venerated of college traditions, (no, not beer pong) the all-nighter! We discovered at about 6:00 the next morning that this was not a fantastic idea. (Especially considering I had five classes that day) After my first class, I remembered that the LGBT Center had comfortable looking couches. Half asleep, I stumbled through the doors and mumbled a question, “Do you mind if I sleep on that couch?” The person (Jess, I believe) who answered just smiled and said, “Sure, that’s fine.”

Though this seems like a pretty minor thing, when I woke up I realized just how comfortable I was in the center. I wasn’t nervous. I didn’t feel the need to watch my mannerisms; I didn’t think people were “figuring me out”. I hadn’t experienced comfort like that since I discovered my bisexuality at the end of last year. That prompted me to go to a Blue Devils United meeting, which then prompted me to attend a blog meeting… so here I am!

So here I am, but who am I? To give you a little idea of who exactly it is that’s rambling at you through though the internet, here’s a brief overview of me. I absolutely adore music, though not mainstream music. I tend to gravitate towards the more unique stuff, and I have the biggest crush on Damon Albarn of anyone you will ever meet. If you aren’t sure who I’m talking about, look him up. One of my favorite things to do is act, especially in comedies. (stereotypical, I know) My other love is philosophy. I enjoy taking some quiet time every now and then to read works of fiction and philosophy and then simply thinking about them. As such, I imagine many of my posts will have some sort of philosophical tone. I also like to design and build things. I am a potential biomedical engineering major. I have desire to get some other certification as well (I waffle between a second major in philosophy or a double minor in theater studies and philosophy). I’m not terribly athletic, nor am I at all religious, so I won’t be a very good resource for readers with any of the potential issues that accompany those. That said, I’d welcome any conversation from people reading this blog.

A brief overview of my “queer story”, as it were, is as follows. I live in an area where LGBTQ discourse and activism is rare and very small scale when it happens. I spent most of my life assuming I was straight because I wasn’t aware of other possibilities. Around November/December of my senior year of high school, I began to discover myself. From there on I’ve been dealing with my sexuality, trying to peel away the layers of repression and internalized homophobia. I’m doing pretty well (as evidenced by me writing this blog post), but I still have a ways to go. Anybody who relates to this situation, or even anyone who just likes some of the things that I like, I’d love to hear from you. If you see me on campus, feel free to say hi. You’ll know me by my fauxhawk.

Until next time,

Kyle

WOMYN Wednesday

Happy Wednesday, y’all! Just to remind you, submissions to WOMYN’s second issue are due September 16, 2011! We’re super-excited about this issue – it’s going to be so awesome, because all of you are awesome, and so are your submissions (without your voices, WOMYN’s awesomeness quotient is going to suffer, though. Just sayin’.) So please send your poetry, prose, cartoons, photographs, etc. to womynatduke@gmail.com!!! And now, it’s time for the first WOMYN Wednesday Poll of the summer:

Do you feel comfortable coming to the LGBT Center?

(Click here to take survey)

Although this question isn’t directed specifically or exclusively to queer women, it’s an important question to ask, because it applies to everyone, queer or not.

There’s been a lot of discussion this past year, both on and off the BDU Blog, about the LGBT Center at Duke. In fact, at times this discussion has approached argument status, mostly due to the apparently polarizing nature of this space on campus. (Disclaimer: the following is based on what the writer, Jennifer, has seen/heard, and should not be taken as a reflection of anyone else’s experience or opinion.)

The Duke LGBT community is made up of many different kinds of people – some are very active, out, and open, while others are not. Many of the most out and open members are often the most vocal and visible LGBT people to the rest of the Duke community. (And let’s not forget the awesome allies who stand beside us – they’re one of the As in LGBTQQIAA, and their support and advocacy makes a positive impact every day.) A significant number of these members of the LGBT community tend to hang out in the Center on a regular basis, whether it’s for Fab Friday, for one of the several discussion groups hosted by the Center, or just to do homework, surf the web, and chat with friends. These people are sometimes referred to as “The Community” or “The Center Gays,” usually in a negative context.

There are other LGBT people here at Duke who do not regularly come to the Center. That’s fine – that’s awesome, in fact. Coming to the Center is not a requirement, and far be it from anyone to force others to go anywhere against their will. Sometimes the Center seems downright scary, especially for those who are questioning, closeted, or new to Duke. Some might see the Center as superfluous or confining.

The fact that there is such a division (these two groups are broad generalizations) within Duke’s LGBT community is not bad, nor is it unexpected. But sometimes we seem a mere hop, skip, and jump away from a really hurtful conflict, which is bad. A blog post addressing this issue happened earlier this year, as did some discussions in comments on the blog. There was even a meeting about it. However, after some comments on the Anonymous Posts this week, it appears that we haven’t yet resolved the discussion. So, please take the survey – your responses will be a helpful addition to the discussion. (Do avoid any obviously inflammatory language in your comments, both on this post and within the survey – the survey is not meant to start an argument. On the contrary, we want a constructive conversation, so that there will be no need to discuss this issue further. )

"Fab" Friday?

I invite you to stop by Duke's Center for LGBT Life today from 4-6 for "Fab Friday." But I think you should know that the Center is frequented by more than just the fab*.

Among the regular attendees of Fab Friday and other events at the Center are:

Sports enthusiasts

Women

Athletes

Allies

Frat-stars

Pratt-stars

Sorority sisters

Conservatives

Liberals

Artists

Scientists

Musicians

(Future) Politicians

Tar-Heels

Blue Devils

Potential friends.

So if you have preconceived notions of the types of people that go (or don't go) to the Center, I'd advise you to come by this afternoon. I think you'll pleasantly surprised.

*Not that theres anything wrong with being fab, of course.

---

A Message From Janie Long, Director of the Center for LGBT Life:

If you have been the recipient of a bias or hate incident this semester, I ask that you e-mail me with details. This could be a flag torn down, a taunt, a remark made in class directed at you, a non-responsive person in charge, etc. I want to report these incidents to others so that they might be fully informed. I talk with many of you each week who have experienced some form of negativity by someone on campus whether it is another student or a staff member. One little incident may not seem like much but when they are put all together they can speak volumes. So, please e-mail me (janie.long@duke.edu) today. I want to hear from each of you who has had one of these experiences even if you have told me before!

Janie

[Ed. Note: Janie wouldn't ask for this unless it was important, Readers, so let's do it. Remember, incidents big and small count. If you want to make this as anonymous as possible (AAAP), you can use our anonymous posts link to respond and I'll relay your message to Janie (without posting it next Monday unless you explicitly tell me to).]

Summer Session: San Antonio

This summer I half-decided to stay in San Antonio. I hope to bring some necessary resources to San Antonio and eventually create a fiscally sustainable LGBT Center (using Duke money of course.) I will continue posting but be warned that my experience in San Antonio will be the main topic. I'm going to start off with a reply to a comment I received on my How I Stopped Worrying and Learned To Love San Antonio...Not post because it encapsulates the strong feelings I'm experiencing at the moment:

One problem I see with the LGBT community in San Antonio is that it's very content in its position. Speak up about San Antonio's ills and someone will quickly try to make it seem like everything's fine. In high school I was too often silenced by people who thought because they were happy and "tolerated" that I had nothing to complain about. People think San Antonio inherently can't be like other big, boisterous, gay-friendly cities. It can't support a gay district. The community is divided and lacks political clout.

But San Antonio is not a little city where this situation might be understandable. San Antonio is the 7th largest city in the United States! Its peer cities in size are Dallas, Houston, Phoenix, San Diego and Philadelphia, all of which have basic resources for LGBT people. San Antonio might be "fine" if you have a home, education, job, community and your health. If you don't, San Antonio might seem like the worst city in America. Last night I discovered that of the 50 largest cities in the United States, 15 did not have general LGBT community centers. Of these 15 cities many had centers for youth, discussion groups for youth, were part of a gay-friendly metroplex, or had services for LGBT youth in foster care.

I think Duke's situation is similar to San Antonio's. Many non-LGBT people might think that the LGBT experience at Duke is "understandable" because Duke is in the South and not historically known as a gay-friendly university. (You're in the South, what do you expect?) Many LGBT people, because of their gender, gender identity, race, interest in *gasp* non-LGBT things, lack of interest in being a part of an LGBT community or any number of other reasons don't see how much room Duke has for improvement. Duke's peer institutions are not Baylor and Texas A&M. Duke attracts students from around the world and its peer institutions are some of the most progressive in the country. Duke cannot be complacent and neither can San Antonio.

For those of yall who found this via Google and want details about the LGBT youth discussion group I started for the summer: the first meeting will be Thursday June 17th at 6:00 PM at the Cove. Check out the Facebook group San Antonio LGBT Youth Discussion Group. Please RSVP for the event. I look forward to meeting you!